Waiting for the "talk"

[Startingoveragain1]

Dh just came back from the gym.
Yesterday he informed me he is done and we are doomed and just potponing the inevitable ( i have 2 kids that see him as a dad) .
Ive been a cryin mess all day. He has been normal. Told me earlier over text why was i crying. And said we will talk tonite. He is being chatty, and normal. Im so confused and dreadin the conversation. I know he wants out. Im about to jump out of my skin

I have a 7 grand diamond im not giving back though
Sell it and use the money for yourself and your children once you move.

@mspepperpots you are right. I need to do that... he is all willing to help me out and what not i dont wanna see hia face
I should use him as warrantor at the very least

Im sobbin like a twat i need to get a grip

So you're not from the UK?

I would have to ask. Otherwise it is going to eat away at you all night.

Im Spanish, ive been her for 15 years, done through uni here been teaching for 8 years. My nationality only means my family lives away. Im a uk citizen. All rights etc.... been contributing tax and nhs my whole adult life

He is fresh as! Ill be supportive! Help u get sorted in a smaller place.... i asked... do u want to tell the kids? Or should i? He reckons i should wait... wait for what!

Its not his fault, it's mine for trusting him... im a twat.... he has done what i would expect any other man to do. I just thought he was different. Twaaaaaaaaaat i am.

If you are a UK citizen you are entitled to help the same as any other UK citizen.
But don't get too many steps ahead. You need to speak to him tonight first and find out exactly what the situation is.

Sorry- I missed a post! You already spoke with him.
He will find it's not that easy to dodge his responsibility.
You will need legal advice re: the children, especially if you are even considering leaving the country.

Been there. Make your own plans, don't wait for his timetable. I didn't take my own advice, big mistake

How are you today, Startingoveragain1? I do hope your head is a bit clearer today. I know you're devastated, but he's a total tosser and in time, you'll be glad to be rid of him, I'm sure. Doesn't help now, I know.

Thanks for checkin in on me. This morning i broke down... we said to talk tonite again. Im at work keeping busy and have written a long list of all the things that were making me miserable about the relationship and him. Feel ok now but ill sure feel awful again in a bit. Just trying to have perspective and telling myself its not my first break up and probably not my last. Im not sure how to proceed, its all been so sudden. He is lost in depression and i dont think he is thinkin rationally. Just wants to run away from everything. I doubt he'll feel better as his issues lay elsewhere . Dont know how ready i am for whats to come but its life i guess. Im in shock. And disapointed as i think he is makin a mistake but i have done all i could and have bent over backwards for him so my mind is at peace in that sense.

Focus on yourself and your children. It doesn't sound like he's handled this well and depression or no depression, it's still an awful shock for you. Take back the power and start to figure out what you can do for yourself as you move forward. Don't allow him to mess with your head.

When this happened to me I went all meek fir a week. Then I got angry and literally chucked him out. All his clothes, everything out of the window it was when I saw him settle in for another comfy night in front of the tv whilst was in bits, I lost it and said "you know what, if it's over, go now, I MEAN NOW" and went to his chest of drawers and stuffed his stuff in bin bags and threw them out of the window, he ran out to get them and I put the double lock on the door and never let him back in again.
I know that's a bit melodramatic but getting in touch with my anger forced me into action. That was 20 years ago and he's never been back in the house since. I've never allowed him over the threshold.
Can you get angry enough to tell him to leave now, not in his time, now?

I cant just chuck him out. He would have nowehere to go but i will be setting some sort of a date he needs to have found accomodation for. He is being so normal, like nothings happening, playing with the kids... breaks my heart thinking they have no clue they wont be having him around anymore. both kids birthdays are coming, xmas etc. Crap (we have little time to speak properly as kids are around) yesterday ended up beung sort of normal. today they go to dads for the night so i guess we will be talking and clarifying things. I just want to know and get used to my new reality asap. I feel he probably would just carry on as we are. In which case i dont get why he is finishin this now.

Firstly, you cant legally kick him out. The fact that some people do and get away with it, doesnt mean you will. It's the family home and he has as much right to be there. Shit, but that's what it is.

You need to stop carrying on as normal. Do you want to talk tonight? Can you arrange to go out if the kids arent there?

Have you stopped cooking and doing his washing for him, presuming you washed his clothes before?

Start separating things. Go get a seperate wash basket. Do food shopping for you and the kids only. Living with someone while splitting is really difficult, but the best thing you can do is start untangling what you can.