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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Waiting for the "talk"

67 replies

Startingoveragain1 · 17/10/2019 20:29

Dh just came back from the gym.
Yesterday he informed me he is done and we are doomed and just potponing the inevitable ( i have 2 kids that see him as a dad) .
Ive been a cryin mess all day. He has been normal. Told me earlier over text why was i crying. And said we will talk tonite. He is being chatty, and normal. Im so confused and dreadin the conversation. I know he wants out. Im about to jump out of my skin

OP posts:
MarianaMoatedGrange · 17/10/2019 21:39

OP this will eat you up and ruin your MH. TALK! get it over with. He's enjoying this Angry

Original poster
Startingoveragain1 · 17/10/2019 21:43

Its happenin

OP posts:
MarianaMoatedGrange · 17/10/2019 21:44

Keep calm as you can.

ivykaty44 · 17/10/2019 21:45

Yesterday was him telling you that he’s got one foot out the door
He’s letting you know he’s check out of the relationship
But he’s not got anyone else lined up up, so whilst he’s looking he’ll be happy to stay at yours and you can look after him - cook clean, tend to his child
He’ll move on as soon as he finds another gf

Now if your happy with that status quo, carry on as you are
If not then start your planning - that’s if you’re savy

Do you rent? Are you on council list? What can you afford? So you work?

Use the entitled to calculator to see where you would stand on benefits & ctx relief and prepare yourself. Start checking out what you want to do

readitandwept · 17/10/2019 21:49

Yeah.... it is my house.. . Houae i wont be able to keep if he leaves as although i pay rent and bills , he pays for any other expenditures....

How did you manage before he moved in?

Now you'll get CT reduction, lower food bills, etc. possibly be entitled to benefits?

Original poster
Startingoveragain1 · 17/10/2019 21:57

Im out to get a beer. Ive asked him so whats ur plan then? He is like ill atay and help u find a smaller place and move and shit. Im like : u can get fucked

OP posts:
Original poster
Startingoveragain1 · 17/10/2019 21:58

I have to be all smily and shit tomorrow, im a primary school teacher.

OP posts:
Original poster
Startingoveragain1 · 17/10/2019 21:59

I was fine before him in a smaller place, i would beed a guarantor to get a different place and he was the one for my last.... but this house is too expensive for me and kids.

OP posts:
Original poster
Startingoveragain1 · 17/10/2019 22:01

Seeing whats happenin hia kid is not gonna be coming, mu kids are expecting her since its also gonna be her birthday.... fuck sakes, break their little hearts again...

OP posts:
Beebeezed · 17/10/2019 22:02

OP, you sound in shock. take a breath, explain what’s happening and what’s been said or we can’t help you.

InkyFingersInkyFace · 17/10/2019 22:02

I'm sorry to hear this. I know there will be others coming along who know the standard advice, but I can leave some Flowers

Original poster
Startingoveragain1 · 17/10/2019 22:03

Just came back in the house and he is still sittin on the sofa, i dont wanna see his mug nomore wtf

OP posts:
Original poster
Startingoveragain1 · 17/10/2019 22:06

I brought it up, and said so whats happenin. And he said: what i said yesterday. (We're done) and im like, ok, so what are your plans? When are u leavin? And he is like, ill stay until ure settled, help u find a smaller place anf whatnot. I dont need no help with that. If he is done he can go off.

OP posts:
Original poster
Startingoveragain1 · 17/10/2019 22:07

Thanks so much for the replies, you're literally my lifeline

OP posts:
Misskg1982 · 17/10/2019 22:10

So sorry to hear you are going through this. I agree if his done then go....

Original poster
Startingoveragain1 · 17/10/2019 22:10

I want him to f*ck off out of here now... dont want him talkin to my kids in the mornin like he cares about them

OP posts:
readitandwept · 17/10/2019 22:14

Hang on, are you married?

TiddyTid · 17/10/2019 22:15

Tell him to go now OP.

He's taking the piss

Original poster
Startingoveragain1 · 17/10/2019 22:15

Not married no... im a twat.trusting twat

OP posts:
Original poster
Startingoveragain1 · 17/10/2019 22:16

I have a 7 grand diamond im not giving back though

OP posts:
Misskg1982 · 17/10/2019 22:16

Tell him to go. You have your kids to think about as well as yourself. His done so go....

Original poster
Startingoveragain1 · 17/10/2019 22:20

He is proper testin me now

OP posts:
MsPepperPotts · 17/10/2019 22:22

I know you're panicked and emotional right now but in the cold light of day don't shoot yourself in the foot....You need to get angry
Get him to cough up the deposit and act as guarantor on your new place.

If he wants to end it he can bloody well help you financially to move.
Oh and take absolutely everything you need...make a list
Present him with said list and also the amount you will require from him to move....moving costs, deposit and guarantor.
Tell him when he agrees to this then and only then will you move out.

TimeforanotherChange · 17/10/2019 22:22

Just tell him! Ffs! Say "ok. I get it. We're done. Now pack a bag and get the fuck out of my house. We'll sort out a time for you to collect the rest of it next week." Seriously. He doesn't get to end it and then lounge around on your sofa.

Original poster
Startingoveragain1 · 17/10/2019 22:23

Problem is i have noone here. No close friends no family. I work an hour away , my work collegues live far. Baby daddy is english and may not let me take kids back home... if i stay here i dont qualify for anythin and cant afford londons private rent. Long term... where will that take me?

OP posts: