Hi
I know the answer to this question already but I am really struggling to fully accept it right now. It feels unreal and I am feeling a bit lost. I would just really like some insight/opinions/advice.
I have been married for nearly 10 years. I have 3 wonderful children, aged 8, 5 and 2. They are everything to me. I continued working for a year after having my first child and then stopped due to moving far away to be nearer family. I am a stay at home mum now for about 8 years, so as you can imagine I am terrified at the prospect of going it alone.
My husband has always been a bit of a grouch, but in the beginning he was like a dream. He was so kind and loving and I thought I'd married my soul mate. Anyway quite soon after having our first child he started to be quite curt, not as caring, called our baby 'weird and not like a normal child' because she cried all evening with cholic. He said around that time he wanted a divorce. He was later sorry for this stuff and on life went. We had mini dramas but nothing too major. Him going for lap dancing (and denying it) and telling me all the guys in the office think he fancied the new girl (young and attractive), this was just after I had our 2nd child and I felt quite vulnerable.
My 3rd pregnancy I struggled with my mental health and although he got very frustrated with me at times, he was there for me.
Fast forward to now and he has become a bit of a nightmare to live with, I will just list some examples although not an exhaustive list:
-never happy, no matter how much i do he complains, moans, finds the one thing I didn't do.
-seems to create chaos whenever he is around the kids at bedtime, one minute all horse play and the next screaming in their faces and marshalling them around.
-doesn't contribute much to the housework at all. Although will offer to get things from the shops on way home from work.
-never gets up early with kids at weekend, says he needs the rest, so he always sleeps in. ( i dont mind this as i am used to getting up early with them, it would just be nice for him to consider me once in a while).
-will often sleep on couch or play his computer games during day at weekend, and i get left doing most of the work/childcare.
He doesn't have a steady job right now, (but has found work in his industry quite ad-hoc and well paid) as he was let go from the company he is with, and currently is pursuing them through the courts for unfair dismissal/commission he is owed.
-we were in so much debt we had to be bailed out by my family, this was legacy debt from the early days that was accrued due to amongst other things his love of flash cars/all latest technology etc.
So recently he was involved in a road rage incident and the police were round, no charges pressed as it was dropped due to being deemed 50/50.
He has become increasingly verbally and emotionally abusive towards me, calling me 'woman' all the time, ie if i ask him to do something or dare to disagree he will say 'oh shut up woman' or 'give it a rest woman', despite me saying I don't appreciate it especially in front of the kids. He always says 'you wouldnt understand this or that'. He was very angry recently that i didn't tell him I was going to be late back from a shop at aldi for and made such a scene in front of the kids when i returned, you would think I had deserted them.
He is always critical with me and I have learnt not to engage as then we will argue and I don't want the kids to see that too often.
Lately he has become increasingly short tempered with the children, particularly our middle child. He criticises her often, has repeatedly called her 'wicked' and 'evil child' for minor things, like taking her little brothers toy away etc. I am convinced she is aware of the tension and that is how it comes out in her behaviour.
Recently when I said to him that the road rage thing might not have happened if he hadnt driven alongside the other car making faces etc, he threw a large, heavy roll of bin bags at me, hitting me in the stomach, as I sat watching bake off. I was shocked as I had no idea they were headed my way and i felt really upset. He came up to see me, I was in the toilet and just wanted a bit of peace and he said 'really? are you going to get upset over a bin bag?' i just feel at a loss.
Lately he has tripped my middle child up and last night he picked her up and threw her down on the floor just because she went to jump on the bed when he was making it. He screams in the children's faces and scares them.
I am sorry for this outpouring. I dont know what to do. I dont feel like I love him anymore and I worry about the impact on my children. I'm scared of the unknown yet know I cant do nothing about this situation.
Thanks