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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

He’s trying to buy me off

77 replies

BellaPuppy · 15/10/2019 19:59

Hi everyone, me and my husband of 1 year 2 months (been together for 6 years) are separating due to his lack of intimacy, affection and not able to communicate any more. I have two children who we have lived all together continuous in the Last 6 years via my rented houses. although biologically they are not his. They don’t have regular access to their real dad as he moved abroad many years ago. We live in a family home he bought that we chose together just months before marrying. He insisted he put the house in his name only as he was paying the mortgage as he is a high earner. He didn’t want me named on the bills either for same reason he said. I found all this very strange but went with it... so fast forward and he’s completely changed. He won’t talk and just shuts down when I try and discuss anything of any importance. He pretended to forget our first wedding anniversary - well he didn’t do anything or say happy anniversary. I was really upset by this inside but expected it somehow. So fast forward and I confronted him again this time saying we will have to split up if he can’t communicate with me and he just said split up then. One week later and he’s offered me £10K and all the furniture in the house apart from the main large tv and the newest sofa we have. He’s expecting me to move out and rent somewhere. I was shocked at being offered this. And offended. I’m supposed to rent a place with rents round here average if £750 for a small 2bed and I have two children 7&9 years old. I’ve got an appointment next week but he wants me to take the money friday. Can anyone offer any advice on this? Thank you 🙏🏻 im self employed and run a small business

OP posts:
BarbedBloom · 15/10/2019 20:03

This is a complicated one as it is a short marriage and the children aren't his. I think you need proper legal advice, but I would advise you to post on the Legal Matters board on here

Dazedandconfusedmostdays · 15/10/2019 20:03

You’re married, surely that means you’re entitled to half of everything?

CodyBurns · 15/10/2019 20:03

My advice to you would be to stay put. Was the house purchased before or during your marriage? Either way, as his wife you are entitled to a 50% share of the property - do not accept his paltry offer of £10,000 and get yourself to a solicitor pronto!

Do not move out. Do not accept any money from your husband and do not sign anything. He's trying to get you to settle for much less than what you are entitled to and he knows it, that's why he's in such a rush to get you to accept his offer.

CodyBurns · 15/10/2019 20:05

Oh and while you are at it, register your matrimonial home rights via the Land Registry, its a form you can fill in yourself and post off (you don't need a solicitor to do this).

That will stop him from selling the house from underneath you.

misspiggy19 · 15/10/2019 20:08

I wouldn’t be so sure you are entitled to 50% at all. It is a short marriage and they aren’t his kids.

Puzzledandpissedoff · 15/10/2019 20:09

In refusing to put the house in joint names, he almost seems to have been hedging his bets from the start - in which case I'm surprised he got married at all

While no lawyer, I wouldn't want to guarantee you'll get 50% of the proceeds after such a short marriage, and I very much doubt he'll have to pay anything towards two children who aren't his

Either way you need decent legal advice - and you need it soon

CodyBurns · 15/10/2019 20:13

I think it all depends on whether the house was bought before the marriage or afterwards. I personally know a couple who were married for 18 months and separated - she still walked away with 60% and her child wasn't even his!

slipperywhensparticus · 15/10/2019 20:13

Tell him to put his offer in writing you will talk it over with your solicitor

Puzzledandpissedoff · 15/10/2019 20:16

At least read OP's post, Cody - she says quite clearly that the house was chosen and bought "just months before marrying"

freetony · 15/10/2019 20:16

Financially what have you bought to the marriage/paid towards the house ? What has he paid towards the children that aren't his?

Starlight456 · 15/10/2019 20:22

I would simply delay until you have spoken to a solicitor.

Ellisandra · 15/10/2019 20:54

Your home rights protection advice is good @CodyBurns but you’re wrong to state that OP is “entitled” to 50% of the house. There are no hard and fast rules - assuming you’re in England or Wales OP? I think Scottish law is more prescriptive.

You need legal advice, and you certainly shouldn’t accept any money until you have it.

Do you feel you are morally (not legally) entitled to something from this house? Where did the deposit come from? Have you paid towards the mortgage and / or bills? Why can’t you rent as you did before?

You need a solicitor who has dealt with your type of family before. If you cohabitate with children before a short marriage, that can sometimes be considered in whether it’s a long or short marriage (that said, 7 years isn’t that long anyway). I know they’re not his kids, but it is possibly they’d be considered “children of the family” if he had taken on financially supporting them. How that applies to adding cohabitating time, I don’t know. You need experienced legal advice.

AlwaysMessingUp · 15/10/2019 20:58

Don't agree to anything without speaking to a solicitor first.

WhoKnewBeefStew · 15/10/2019 21:01

Legal advice before agreeing ANYTHING!

BeanBag7 · 15/10/2019 21:13

He has paid the mortgage and all bills. His name is on the mortgage. Did you put any money towards the deposit or into renovations etc. For the house?
If not I dont see why you would be entitled to anything back if you haven't put anything in.

MollyButton · 15/10/2019 21:17

You need good legal advice - he might be banking on it counting as a "short marriage" but if you've been living together for 6 years it might not count as that.

CallmeAngelina · 15/10/2019 21:22

If not I dont see why you would be entitled to anything back if you haven't put anything in.
Yeah, but (fortunately) the law doesn't operate according to what you see/don't see.

Original poster
BellaPuppy · 16/10/2019 23:20

Thank you everyone for responding, sometimes you just need advice of people and you have all been helpful 🙏🏻 I find everything underhand now like it's been planned this way... we have no financial link at all no joint accounts no nothing - the more I think back the more I see strange patterns in his behaviour!! His first house was this with me, I found it I chose it and renovated it. It's perfect. It's value has increased significantly in the 2 years we have had it as I did a lot of work to it! I may be being unfair by not wanting to just walk away with the 10k offer but something is telling me that I shouldn't take it and I should stay in the house until something is sorted for the divorce. I have an appointment next Tuesday at the solicitors but he's texting me constantly wanting to know what's happening! I said I'd rather talk face to face but he won't he can only deal in texts! We are in the same house! 🙈

OP posts:
Interestedwoman · 16/10/2019 23:30

You're not being unfair at all for not falling for the 10k offer. He knows you might be entitled to 50% or something, so is trying to stop you getting what you're entitled to (whatever that may be.)

Singlenotsingle · 16/10/2019 23:36

Tell him he'll just have to wait until you've had time to take legal advice. How much equity is there in the house?

Ellisandra · 16/10/2019 23:46

Have you put money into the house?
Finding it and choosing it means nothing.
Have you paid for the renovations that added value? Decorating rarely adds significant value - it is remodelling and updating fixtures like kitchens / bathrooms / windows that does

You will have a certain amount of claim purely through marriage. You may have more if you actually put money into the property - but it doesn’t sound like you did?

Thehagonthehill · 16/10/2019 23:50

Your time together is living together +marriage.
The mere fact that he is pushing you and has a figure means he has already saught advice.
Do not agree to anything until you have had a legal consultation.Also find a solicitor you are comfortable with,this may not be the first or second one you see.Do not be rushed.
Let people know too,it and s surprising where support comes from.
Is your job enough to support you and your children alone?

Ellisandra · 16/10/2019 23:51

Incidentally, I don’t find it all underhand that he wanted to be the only one named on the house, if he was the one paying for it? Some mortgage companies would not have lent with you on the deeds if he was the only mortgagee anyway.

Original poster
BellaPuppy · 16/10/2019 23:57

Feels like I'm a lodger/housekeeper/mother not a wife and yes I've supported him throughout his entire career in various jobs in this last 6 years cooking washing ironing waiting on him hand and foot - he's maybe made 3 cups of tea in 6 years! I kid you not... he does not know what the kitchen looks like he doesn't get anything for himself. He would rather do without than get get up and make a drink. Just a small insight! 😂

OP posts:
Original poster
BellaPuppy · 17/10/2019 00:00

@Ellisandra I asked him for me to be put on all the bills so I could pay them too, he refused insisting it's just him as he earns more! I paid all the rents and bills in the other houses I rented during the time with him.. I buy all the food shopping and do all the running around that needs to be done.

OP posts: