I really need advice, please help!!

[Midnightclouds]

Background story:
I’m (24) currently living at home with my parents. My bf (20) is currently renting a room at my parents house due to him not getting along with his parents and kinda got kicked out. He was only suppose to stay temporarily until he find a place but it’s been 4 months now. When he first moved in, I told him that he could store some stuff in the garage if there not enough space in the bed room.

Current situation:
So he really wanted to buy an old caravan which he can renovate as a hobby. I told him that he can buy one if he can store it at his parents house not at my house. He said yes should be fine, went out and bought the caravan with his dad and then somehow it ended up in my garage. I asked him to move it to his parents, but he said they don’t want it at their place. He then go on to argued with me saying that I said he could store stuff in the garage now I’m going back on my words. I told him yeah he could but not a huge caravan. My parents wasn’t happy about it and I’m stuck in the middle. He said I never take his side and everything he do is wrong, that he can’t even have a hobby. Then I saw a msg his mum send him which said “if she love you, she should of just tell her parents that it’s her caravan”.

I’m really upset, my bf now mad at me for not being on his side, his parents think I don’t love their son enough, and my parents are upset that the garage is now crowded and dirty with no room to walk in. They think his an idiot for buying a caravan and that I should of told him off. I don’t know what I did wrong, I told him from the start it can’t be store here, now I’m the bad person in everyone eyes. We’ve been arguing so much lately, I feel like the relationship is falling apart. His hurt cause I’m not on his side or support him and I’m hurt cause he can’t see how all this is affecting me emotionally.

"I'm sorry I didn't call you back- I will from now on, I don't want to lose you"
"I'm sorry I haven't put you first and made the effort to go out - I will take you out every week, you won't have to nag, you are precious to me"

Those are 2 ways he could have responded to your comments. Stepping up. Taking responsibility. He didn't, did he? He made it all your fault again. Did he offer one thing he would actually do to change things?

He sees you having needs as "pressure on the relationship" (what bullshit!) so he can't deal with that pressure, he is not able to have a relationship. So, bye-bye.

Please OP, help yourself out. Work out why you think this is enough and find support to move on. He is dragging you down and it won't get better.

He really is being an arse. He should be the absolute best lodger there is in the hope that your parents like him enough to be with their daughter. (Have you asked your parents what they think of him because I bet they’re not that impressed??).
I’d tell him the pressure of you being in the same house, with conflict over the caravan and him not keeping his room tidy, Is the thing that’s not working and so he needs to move out. I honestly, truly, don’t believe his sister will have him, I think he’s lied to you about this. If his sister is renting, the jump from a one bedroom to a two bedroom place would be significant in cost. Is he going to cover this?
Does he pay your parents any rent?? I bet he isn’t. I think he’s mostly worried about giving up the free accommodation he’s getting.
Call his bluff and ask him to move out so that your relationship can have some space and see what he says.

Dunno where your self esteem is but you need to find it and quick.

And if your parents brought you up to be such a doormat and think so little of yourself that you think this is all you deserve, well they let you down too.

If he makes you feel guilty for expressing how you feel then he is abusive controlling, manipulative. You're young, don't waste any more time on this guy. Learn from it & move on with your life. Educate yourself about healthy relationships and DON'T accept anything less. Anyone can seem charming, sweet, considerate when they want something. They may even beleive it at the time. it doesn't mean they're completely cynically manipulating you with insight into their own behaviour, but some people are incapable of reciprocal trust and respect. Weed them out of your life.

@Fweakout He just said he get really tired after work and that he is forgetful, it’s not like he forgot to call me back on purpose I should understand, he will try harder, but I need to stop being mad all the time. He said that his more introverted and prefer to just stay in, but he will try to take me out more, but I have doubt it will have happened unless I remind him. I don’t know if its normal to be that forgetful and keep needing reminding.

Being my first relationship, I wasn’t sure if it was too much to ask, but from your comments it helps me realised that I’m not that demanding or asking too much from him. Thank you. I just hate hurting people and since I have deep feelings for him, it’s a lot harder to walk away.

@Janus My parents were ok with him at the start, but now they are not very happy with his behaviour and have told me about it. I did point out the caravan and his room being messy causing us to fight a lot lately, but he said his currently trying to find a place to store the caravan, what more do I want, and for his room, he said it’s his room why do everyone have to comments and make a big deal out of it.

He was supposed to rent the room, when he first moved in he pay regularly, but since he started his traineeship he always short on money and would ask me to lend him some to cover the rent, after a while my parents just let him pay when he can. He is paying for the internet since he wanted faster internet. He does help out when asked, like mowing the lawn, fixing the fence.

I went with his sister and him while they’re searching for a house, I think he definitely moving out once he sister get approve for a place. I think he hate living at my place right now because he feel he doesn’t have any freedom and that I pick on him for everything, he said he feel drain.

Thank you everyone for your comments. Being my first relationship I find it really hard to know when I'm asking too much or being unreasonable. What acceptable and what not. Your comments and advice is really helping me see things from a different perspective and having less doubt on myself.

I think I will be seeking a counselor just to help me sort out my feelings and how to let go of this relationship. I don't think I can do it on my own, it hurt me a lot when I see him sad, upset or hurting cause of what I say or do. I don't know why but it make me feel so guilty, like I'm the bad person or pressuring him.

You know, eventually, and hopefully sooner rather than later, you’ll look back and not believe the crap you’ve put up with

I hope his sister gets this place soon then. It’s all over rude, not even paying properly, leaving things messy, bringing a blinking gun great caravan home! He will have a blooming big shock once he moves out! I bet your parents are feeding him too? He’s really, really rude.

(Not gun caravan 😱!)

He probably hasn't even been kicked out of his house just didn't like their rules or wanted to live with you. He sounds awful and a controlling arsehole and his mum for sending that message! Get rid

Re the caravan, our local council do not allow caravans to be parked long term on anyones drive. There are many local authorities with similar rules.
Find out if it is "allowed" in your area, it could be that he has no choice but to get rid.

The caravan on the drive is irrelevant, it’s in the garage.

If I were your parents he would be gone. Just imagine coming home and finding a shitty old caravan in your garage that your DDs freeloading BF just dumped there without asking you, you being the owner of the garage!

This is too ridiculous a situation for words.