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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

SIL blocked DH and I on Facebook

57 replies

Woodlandwitch · 14/10/2019 22:24

We aren’t close but everything is perfectly pleasant face to face and we see each other at regular family occasions throughout the year.

We weren’t friends on Facebook to begin with but could always see regular updates and photos of the nieces and nephews through BIL being tagged in the posts.
SIL is quite a prolific facebook user and so the updates are most days.

DH and I noticed recently that no updates had been happening and so looked on BIL’s page to find that all of a sudden the posts have disappeared and SIL no longer appears and has blocked us both.

This was a few weeks ago and we assumed she was maybe taking a Facebook break and didn’t think she had blocked us initially but after seeing the PIL’s they mentioned some recent posts and we realised that we had been blocked.

I’m not too sure why. It’s happened a few weeks ago and we’ve seen her since and all seemed fine. They came to our house so it wasn’t a typical family event.

DH doesn’t think it’s worth mentioning anything, that there is obviously some issue SIL has but doesn’t want to say.

I’m wondering - do I mention it?
I’m worried I’ve done/said something to offend.
I also would prefer if someone dislikes us that there isn’t any false pretending face to face.
Last time we saw them SIL I voted our child over for a sleepover, so it’s more confusing to me than anything else

OP posts:
readingnc · 14/10/2019 22:25

That's really odd. I'd ask her next time you see her

Singlenotsingle · 14/10/2019 22:27

It hurts when people do this, doesn't it? My dsis used to do it, but then eventually she got curious about what I was doing, so she invited me back. Your SIL will probably do the same.

RealMermaid · 14/10/2019 22:27

Are you sure she's blocked you personally? Given youre not actually her Facebook friend - she might have just changed her posts to be friends only and not include friends of friends - fairly common restriction when you're posting pics of children.

Original poster
Woodlandwitch · 14/10/2019 22:32

I thought maybe she’s made things private but for DH and I she doesn’t exist at all on Facebook but other family members she does.

We rarely post on Facebook and just use it to see family and friends photos mainly so it’s not because we’ve posted anything offensive.

It’s happened since we told them we were having a second baby so unless she didn’t want to see any related posts about that, but again, we haven’t posted up and it’s not common knowledge outside of immediate family yet either.

She’s been funny with us in the past but everything seemed civil for last few years which is now making me question that.

It’s things like this that make me hate using Facebook as even as someone who doesn’t post you can quite easily get offended when you notice you’ve been blocked

OP posts:
ChorleyFMcominginyourears · 14/10/2019 23:14

If you're friends with the BIL on facebook just ask him. If you dont ask him you wont know. If she doesn't want to say why be prepared for the whole 'facebook must have done it, I hadn't realised!' Excuse that gets banded about when people block you then get called out on it when there is no reason for it other than they dont like you but darent actually say 🙄

Ruderidinghood · 15/10/2019 01:14

I wouldn't even worth about it - You arent close. Just let her get on with it. If you did something so awful she should say it to you. Forget and just carry on x

75Renarde · 15/10/2019 02:28

Odd. There is more to this than is obvious.

What's the relationship like between DH and S in Law?

ExhaustedFlamingo · 15/10/2019 02:33

I'm a bit funny about having family members on my FB. It's nothing personal but I don't necessarily want them poking around interactions I have with my friends. My mum in particular has a habit of being very stalker-y and I would like some personal space where I can relax and not have to worry about what she's thinking. It might be that simple.

rvby · 15/10/2019 02:47

I also would prefer if someone dislikes us that there isn’t any false pretending face to face.

Why would you prefer that?
It seems pretty combative no? Surely if she dislikes you rather just let her have her space. Why poke the wound and make it awkward?

NerrSnerr · 15/10/2019 03:21

How do you know she exists for other family members? Are you sure she hasn't just tightened security?

75Renarde · 15/10/2019 03:30

@ruby

Quite surprised you dont see the intent tbh?

I'll spell it out. Because dealing with people who lie is exhausting.

You are correct in your second paragraph.

rvby · 15/10/2019 04:32

Lying is part of being polite. Generally speaking, confrontation and honesty about negative feelings is much more exhausting and upsetting than keeping feelings to oneself. so folk generally only do it when they really have to - usually when they love someone etc.

Pretending you like acquaintances etc is just part of life. It saves energy in the long run..

SIL might not realize that OP can tell shes blocked her. Why bring it up? Let SIL be weird, smile and nod, move on.

ukgift2016 · 15/10/2019 06:04

Well it's obvious sil is not close to her brother. Why do you care? Why are you getting involved?

The issue, if there is one is more likely to be towards her brother.

SummerWhisper · 15/10/2019 06:57

I'm with 75renarde on thinking there could be a dynamic between SIL and your DH - it might all be in her head, but was triggered by your baby news. Or possibly she is unsuccessfully TTC and doesn't want to be pained by your updates.
It might be useful trying to clock her behaviour around your DH, just to rule that one out (or start another thread)...Hmm

Rosehassometoes · 15/10/2019 07:04

Maybe it’s because you rarely post yourself, and just use it to watch what others are doing. I’ve removed people for this reason. If you are not sharing your life, why expect to see hers.

sauvignonblancplz · 15/10/2019 07:08

Just leave it OP- you seem a bit ott with checking her fab, just add her as a friend if it means that much to you rather than stalking her online.

That old saying ; what someone else thinks of you is none of your business comes to mind.

You get in pleasantly , I’d be more than happy with that. Leave it there .

sauvignonblancplz · 15/10/2019 07:08

@Rosehassometoes this as well.

rebecca102 · 15/10/2019 07:09

She could have changed her settings to her friends only. That would mean BIL friends wouldn't see the posts either.

JustHereWithPopcorn · 15/10/2019 08:07

Could it be a case that she's jealous? Jealous that your having a second baby and maybe she can't have another so doesn't want to see the updates? It does seem like strange behaviour to block you both.

litterbird · 15/10/2019 08:15

My friend did this to all people who were having babies as she was in a state as she desperately wanted one and seeing pictures of her friends being pregnant and having babies was upsetting her too much. It might be just a simple point of her being very sad inside. Don't look into it too much. Just carry on as normal. No one knows what each person is battling inside. It might be that she is hurting.

Original poster
Woodlandwitch · 15/10/2019 08:26

I can’t imagine it’s the baby thing as she has 3 children of her own.

I think il just put it down to her being a bit strange.

Thinking back she’s not been nice to me behind my back on a few occasions so I probably shouldn’t be surprised.

SIL isn’t DH’s sister but wife of DH’s brother.

OP posts:
Oldraver · 15/10/2019 09:51

Had she actually blocked you so you can't search her or changed her strings to friends only ?

ExcitedForFuture · 15/10/2019 09:54

OP states SIL doesn't exist for them on DB, which means it isn't just tightened security settings.

ExcitedForFuture · 15/10/2019 09:55

FB not DB

AmIThough · 15/10/2019 09:57

Why weren't you friends with her in the first place? Maybe she found it weird you were liking her posts but not adding her as a friend and took offence?

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