Is this a joke or assault/ child abuse

[cansmellfreedom]

So the drunk h has just cracked an egg on 6 year old dd’s forehead. They’re playing apparently. Am upstairs had to go down as she was crying. I’ve told him off ....apparently it’s a joke and I need to lighten up.He’s British and am not. Is this normal here??

A real egg, so egg in her hair dripping down her face? Or tapping the head and stroking your fingers through the hair to mimic cracking an egg??
The latter touching the head my grandkids love their UK dad does it all the time.

It's not normal I've never had or cracked an egg on someone's head but it's certainly not child abuse
Obviously she didn't like it and sometimes drunk people take things to far but just seems like a bit of fun to me
Although I don't condone being drunk around young children tipsy ok drunk not ok

It's not necessarily abusive but it's pretty puerile, inappropriate and strange. Is he often intoxicated enough to behave like this around her? Because that in itself is worrying.

My dad used to play the same game @fallfallfall mentions. Which is ok.

Cracking a real egg on someone isn't on. And telling someone something was a joke when it's designed to humiliate isn't on.

And either way, if someone, anyone, even a child, says 'stop'. Then it's gone far enough and continuing does push the doer towards abusive behaviour.

No, it's not normal for Brits to crack eggs on children's heads, watch them cry and then say it's a joke. And it's not OK to be so drunk around a young child that you can't stop yourself acting this stupidly and dismissively of the child's feelings.

Sounds like he misjudged it but if it is a stand alone incident and he is not otherwise abusive, I would think it's a joke that went too far because of his lack of inhibition bought on by the booze. If it was part of a pattern (either the drunkenness or making her cry) that would be different, though.

Real egg, no. Not OK.

The fake egg where you pretend your fist is one, gently knock it on someone's head a few times then make your fist come apart, stroking your fingers simultaneously down someone's head and face, is fine.

As long as it's gentle and from someone the kid/ person is OK with touching them.

What's being British got to do with this? You either think something's ok or you dont, a country where your from doesn't make a difference

Your worried about the eggs bit not the fact he was drunk around your kids?

Why is a 6 year old up so late? And why is your DH drunk in front of your child?

Maybe a misjudged prank, especially if he's drunk but in all honestly why would he think she would find it funny? Hopefully a one off and I think he should apologise to her.

If you're in uk and you're upstairs with your drunk husband looking after a 6 year old you've other problems

Depends on the context... did he just chuck an egg at her? If so yes that's abusive... or did he pretend to crack an egg on her? Not abusive. Or was he making something involving eggs in the kitchen and he jokingly cracked the egg on her forehead before putting it in the bowl to be mixed? If so that is a bit strange but probably just a misjudged joke and he was just trying to make her laugh....
If it's part of a pattern of him doing similar inappropriate things with her when drunk though then I'd be worried about it.

Hardly child abuse. It annoys me when people trivalise the term.

Why is your 6 year old up, and alone with a drunken person, at this time of night ?
Or are you not in UK now, so there is a time difference ?

Thanks for replies. Sorry fell asleep. She has a teenage cousin visiting and they were playing downstairs that’s why she was up there late.Yes a real egg.... it’s a game apparently. Not to me though as she was upset . Just wanted to hear other people views on this .i was livid as never heard of such a game in my life.

Or was he making something involving eggs in the kitchen and he jokingly cracked the egg on her forehead before putting it in the bowl to be mixed?

I don't know about anyone else but j generally have to hit eggs relatively hard against the rim of a (hard) bowl or with a hard, sharpish knife in order to break them - comparing that to a soft flesh coveted human body part .. I can only jmagine how hard you'd have to hit it.

There's that, which to me is quite aggressive in a way, then the mess/unpleasantness of having goey crap running down your head/face etc. O fi d it weird, disrespectful, quite demeaning actually..

To answer your question op, if it's a real egg be did this with (and it very much sounds like it, I think posters asking was is a mime without a real egg are grasping at straws);

No, not normal.

And yes, I'd find it very unsettling, inappropriate, potentiallg sore fir the child. Potentially distressing for the child, and not far off abusive.

Is there any other behaviour like this on his part?

Then there's the fact he's drunk and has fine this drunk

Alsi if it's such a joke, why's the child crying? Jokes don't generally leave people Inc children crying.

I'm not keen on people who try to cover up v unpleasant behaviour by saying it's a joke. What a joke; you're child's crying and you're angry and unsettled ....

And let me tell you if my dh did anything like that (he wouldn't) I would be asking (shouting) "what the fuck is wrong with you?" and would've angry and freaked out .. do you don't need to lighten up at all. You're the only one out of the two of you who's acting appropriately.

She has a teenage cousin visiting and they were playing downstairs that’s why she was up there late.

Why is he drinking enough to be drunk when supervising/in contact with a visiting teenager and his 6yr old daughter? Can't he take one Saturday night off drinking or wait til they both go to bed?!

I was so angry! I still am. The marriage won’t last anyway we’ve had problems with his drinking for so long . Will speak to him about it today when he’s sober... He always says “it’s a British thing” about so many things making me feel like I don’t know much because I did not grow up here. That’s why I posted to asked if it’s really a ‘British’ game. I wasn’t being ignorant about countries etc like pp thought....

Why is he even "playing" with eggs at half 11 at night?

We're they all in the kitchen? Was he actually making supper/something with them?

Sounds like being drunk has not helped his judgement but a. I personally don't find people be one someone else when they get drunk, what's in there just comes out with lower/no inhibitions and b. It raises the point about his decision to drink, esp until he was drunk, around his child and another visiting child/young person.

I can imagine it was humiliating/demeaning for your child in front of her older cousin, as well as potentially painful.

His behaviour is decidedly off; is this totally isolated or do you have other issues with him?

It isn't a 'British' thing, it is your h bullying a child.

It's not a British thing. He sounds awful I'm sorry.

I hope your DD is ok, it's the sort of thing that really sticks in a child's memory if they've felt humiliation. In future don't leave her with him if he can't be responsible enough to stay sober around children.

He always says “it’s a British thing”

Right, getting drunk while supervising a child and cracking eggs over their head is a British thing .... Getting drunk in general is a British thing.

How very convenient.

He's an arsehole and a drunk - that's not really British, that's international. International depending on the character of the person.

Sorry but of this is part of a wider picture re his alcohol then yes, I would split ... Look into how you would manage financially etc and tbh I wouldn't be letting him gave unsupervised access to your dd if this is the way he behaves.

Fk knows what he'd be doing if he was drinking while having her to stay overnight (or even in the daytime if he drinks in the daytime) .. he's not trustworthy.

Time to line up a decent solicitor, some might do first half hour free (need to check beforehand). Also in my area women's aiddi a "one stop shop" once a week with solicitor, benefits advisor ex. - really worth checking with nearest women's aid branch if they have anything like that or could help you in general.

Its not a 'British thing'. It's a 'my husband is a bastard' thing.

He shouldn't even be around a 6 year old when drunk IMO, he sounds like an arsehole. I wouldn't call it abuse as such but I reckon he'd have hit the egg pretty hard to crack it? I'm not surprised your DC is crying, it's a bloody horrible thing to do.

Start getting your plan together OP, if this is how he treats a CHILD, how on earth does he treat you???

Thanks @DarlingBuds19 . The worry of splitting is he wants 50 percent custody. Of which I would never stop my child from seeing her father. We’ve spoken about this before. Almost split last year but he promised to change. Now this! There’s no way I’d be sleeping at night knowing my child at her dads who’s probably drunk. What if he doesn’t lock the door etc obviously she’s not safe. And now these stupid drunk games.That’s the main reason why am still here.

Also this is quite different (no kids involved) but it reminds me of a similar bullshit line from a heavy drinker/alcoholic ... An ex of mine was is polish briefly got involved with another girl after we finished. She was from the same town as me and her "excuse" every time he found her drinking excessive or her behaviour drunk disturbing (starting arguments at parties, being aggressive, arriving in the daytime at his place with bags full of beer intending to drink her way through them) ... "I'm from , this is a townname thing, this is the way it is in townname" etc etc. Or if remotely challenged she'd refer to the (quite rough) part of the town she was from and say it was normal for there, they are hardcore etc

I doubt he'd have been taken in anyway, bit the relationship with me had made it obvious it wasnt a thing at all, more of a "her" thing.

Incidentally he knew her be side she rented a room in a shared house with a friend of his (another polish guy). That guy ended up having to drag her out of a burning room she'd started a fire in by falling asleep drunk after lighting candles in flimsy holders left on the floor that melted and set fire to the carpet, she could've set fire to the entire shared house. Maybe that was a thing too.