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Original poster

Is this a joke or assault/ child abuse

65 replies

cansmellfreedom · 12/10/2019 23:40

So the drunk h has just cracked an egg on 6 year old dd’s forehead. They’re playing apparently. Am upstairs had to go down as she was crying. I’ve told him off ....apparently it’s a joke and I need to lighten up.He’s British and am not. Is this normal here??

OP posts:
DarlingBuds19 · 13/10/2019 08:04

*he knew her because

DarlingBuds19 · 13/10/2019 08:06

(They're so unoriginal in their bullshit excuses & gaslighting; is the point I'm very wordily making).

DarlingBuds19 · 13/10/2019 08:07

*Polish

Original poster
cansmellfreedom · 13/10/2019 08:13

@DarlingBuds19 oh gosh what a scary story! Yap he uses our cultural differences as an excuse a lot! Like I just don’t get it!

OP posts:
DarlingBuds19 · 13/10/2019 08:17

The worry of splitting is he wants 50 percent custody. Of which I would never stop my child from seeing her father. We’ve spoken about this before. Almost split last year but he promised to change. Now this! There’s no way I’d be sleeping at night knowing my child at her dads who’s probably drunk. What if he doesn’t lock the door etc obviously she’s not safe. And now these stupid drunk games.That’s the main reason why am still here.

I'm not a solicitor and perhaps another poster can go be better advice - but if you record all these incidents (and how much he drinks, how often etc) it doesn't seem impossible that he won't get 50-50 custody, or even unsupervised custody at all.

... He has issues with alcohol, and he is doing things drunk that are upsetting your child. You need to write down everything you can remember as accurately as you can and get legal advice. As I said women's aid could possibly help, do you have a branch in your area?

DarlingBuds19 · 13/10/2019 08:21

Yap he uses our cultural differences as an excuse a lot!

And just like Miss "Heavy drinker & accidental arsonist" (apparently normal for our town Hmm), he's talking utter shite.

DarlingBuds19 · 13/10/2019 08:26

*And now these stupid drunk games.
Personally I wouldn't even call it games; as another poster said it's bullying (abuse even) covered up as a joke or playing.

Seems like that's in him and comes out when he's drunk.

Pinktornado · 13/10/2019 08:26

Not a British thing. Also eggshells can be surprisingly sharp and cause injuries - I know this because we all ended up with tiny cuts and blood trickling down our faces after throwing flour and eggs at a teenage party (many, many years ago).

pusspuss9 · 13/10/2019 08:37

I would say it's abuse. It's using his power to make her look and feel small and powerless.

I've never heard of anybody in UK doing this. It's definitely not normal and I would say it's verging on the sick.

DarlingBuds19 · 13/10/2019 08:39

Also eggshells can be surprisingly sharp and cause injuries

The force used to crack an egg on a child's head would also seem to be painful.

RopeBrick · 13/10/2019 08:40

It wasn't brilliant, but it's not child abuse. That phrase gets bandied about all the time here.

DarlingBuds19 · 13/10/2019 08:41

Eggs are sometimes surprisingly hard to crack.

Seems like he was showing off - in the most pathetic way - in front of the visiting teenager.

Incidentally this incident could have been disturbing/distressing for her (?) too, and it's unfair she's been party to it (and a drunk adult man in a house she's visiting).

Original poster
cansmellfreedom · 13/10/2019 08:44

It’s definitely not right. I really don’t know what to do.

OP posts:
DarlingBuds19 · 13/10/2019 08:49

It wasn't brilliant, but it's not child abuse.

What's important in something like is is to establish the background Inc whether incidents like this are ongoing (which is likely since it's a rather weird, inappropriate and very unpleasant (at best) thing to do, drunk) ... I'm amazed at the posters who breezily give their opinion on one (quite strange) incident without considering anything else.

If an adult did this to another adult, the other adult would not be pleased. And it would result in retaliation or an argument or both. It would be considered a bit aggressive and demeaning. It wouldn't be a non incident.

Why would it be different with a child who can't defend themselves, who is smaller, vulnerable etc.

Original poster
cansmellfreedom · 13/10/2019 08:55

Games or jokes are meant for fun, laughs not for crying, thanks all. Will have a talk with him today this needs to stop. Also time for me to start looking for professional advice

OP posts:
DarlingBuds19 · 13/10/2019 08:56

Op has given somee background; that he drinks a lot, that she's been on the verge of ending the marriage at least once before, that he's gaslighting her, that he's blackmailing her about future custody, that she doesn't trust him to be responsible during custody. She has implied there have been other incidents - yet all that (and the implication that this little girl is being subjected to drunken behaviour in her home by her dad on a not irregular basis),btge child has been hurt & v likely embarrassed in front of her older cousin, she had been left crying etc ... is apparently to be dismissed with "this incident isn't child abuse, that phrase is soooo overused on here".

No wonder so many kids grow up in such shit situations with attitudes like these.

DarlingBuds19 · 13/10/2019 09:00

Will have a talk with him today this needs to stop. Also time for me to start looking for professional advice

Best of luck op, sorry you are in this position. I doubt he'll stop for long.

Has he had any treatment or sim for his drinking? He seems to just make (ridiculous) excuses for it rather than see there's anything wrong and try to stop.

Definitely get advice and make his drinking and behaviour clear.

upups · 13/10/2019 09:14

If you take him to court everything is looked at as what is best for the child. Being around her drunk father who bully's her is not in the best interest of your child. Take note of everything you can, take pictures or even videos if you can. Then take these all to a lawyer and leave and see what he does.

Original poster
cansmellfreedom · 13/10/2019 09:21

Has he had any treatment or sim for his drinking? He seems to just make (ridiculous) excuses for it rather than see there's anything wrong and try to stop.
No he hasn’t as he refuses that he has a problem. I used to attend AA meetings but stopped and just wanted out. So I know that I can’t change him . Only him can do that.We’re supposed to be moving house apparently it’s going to be a new start with no drink. But I doubt it. Just one of a million of false promises throughout the years

OP posts:
Original poster
cansmellfreedom · 13/10/2019 09:22

Thanks for the advice @upups

OP posts:
RuffleCrow · 13/10/2019 09:23

Not a British thing. A drunk unpleasant man thing - at best.

justthecat · 13/10/2019 09:27

Go and crack a egg on his head this morning whilst he’s feeling rough, I can guarantee he won’t think it’s a joke

DoubtingMyPatience · 13/10/2019 09:31

I’ve had this done to me, and I’ve done it to siblings and friends when piss arseing around.

It is a joke, but it can hurt. I think 6 may have been too young but I don’t think his intentions were to upset her. He perhaps didn’t realise in the moment that it would cause her to be upset.

If you have a dad like mine who is a joker and is constantly finding ways to make us laugh then sometimes the do genuinely just backfire.

I wouldn’t call this instance abuse, just poor decision making.

DarlingBuds19 · 13/10/2019 09:34

No he hasn’t as he refuses that he has a problem. I used to attend AA meetings but stopped and just wanted out. So I know that I can’t change him . Only him can do that.We’re supposed to be moving house apparently it’s going to be a new start with no drink. But I doubt it. Just one of a million of false promises throughout the years

Oh op, this just sounds worse and worse; not that it's surprising given the weird incident you made your post about.

I think you're 100% right in thinking that he won't change or stop.

Getting out is the only solution. This isn't fair in your daughter. (It isn't even fair in your visiting teenage relative).

If you haven't already, note down absolutely everything you can remember about his drinking and the issues it had caused/incidents that gave happened .. speak to women's aid or a family solicitor (the former seems better for overall help). Dont subject yourself and your dd to this any longer.

I think he's as delusional about custody as he is about his drinking and what is "British".

Most men I know who went for 50 50 also only did it to try to reduce their maintenance payments down, not out of any actual caring for the child.

DarlingBuds19 · 13/10/2019 09:35

If you have a dad like mine who is a joker and is constantly finding ways to make us laugh

Is your dad an alcoholic too?

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