Is this a joke or assault/ child abuse

[cansmellfreedom]

So the drunk h has just cracked an egg on 6 year old dd’s forehead. They’re playing apparently. Am upstairs had to go down as she was crying. I’ve told him off ....apparently it’s a joke and I need to lighten up.He’s British and am not. Is this normal here??

We’ve just had a row now he’s saying I’ve taken it too far it was just a bit of ‘fun’. Asking a 6 yr old “wasn’t that fun? See she says it was fun” . I really need to divorce this drunk thug. It’s a shame I’ve been in this shit marriage for so long because I’ve got no money to just rent a house today. Got no family as am not from here. He obviously thinks it’s alright to crack an egg on a child’s forehead. He even suggested I crack one on him just to cover himself which is ridiculous.

I wouldn't bother engaging with him - it's just stressful and pointless.

Womens aid should be able to advise about housing as well.

Are you renting your current house together?

He’s a very heavy drinker, I wouldn’t say alcoholic.

But I don’t believe being an alcoholic goes hand in hand with child abuse. An alcoholic can still love their children. He’s abusing alcohol, not his children.

Being an alcoholic is a real problem, much like mental health, they need help.
This is why alcoholics spiral out of control and into depression. Because people just assume they are a waste and just assume that they should take responsibility for themselves. Why isn’t OP helping her husband get help? actually helping him, not just by telling him he’s an alcoholic. Why not contact charity’s, the GP, AA.

I hate the whole mumsnet brigade of if your not a 100k a year good Faith Christian husband who will kiss the ground you walk on you are either being abused or need to leave him ASAP as your wasting your time. What a horrible way for a bunch of women to think.

If the role was reversed you’d all be screaming at him to help his wife.

@DoubtingMyPatience

Your post is definitely one if the worst I have ever read on MN.

And if you were actually reading ops posts, you would see that she has already tried to get him to get help, that she has attended AA while he did nothing, that she has given him a million chances and that he doesn't believe he had a problem and refusesyk get help.

Also I don't agree with any of your statements re alcoholic - of my apologies - heavy drinking parents and the effect on their kids, whether they intend it or not.

My question to you was actually ironic - but you didn't grasp that, which is unsurprisingly given the rest of your post. You're early as delusional as ops husband.

*I hate the whole mumsnet brigade of if your not a 100k a year good Faith Christian husband who will kiss the ground you walk on you are either being abused or need to leave him ASAP"

Ah yes there's nothing between an alcoholic who's making you miserable and behaving inappropriately toward your child ... And that. Do you function in anything other than ridiculous extremes?

*nearly

@DoubtingMyPatience I’ve been through AA, asked him to get help. The GP surgery is seconds away. I can’t force a grown man to get help if he doesn’t realise that he has a problem.

Op don't even waste your typing trying to respond to that nonsense.

You need to get legal advice - either a free 1/2 hour or is there any you can contact via work? Or CAB if necessary.
He may say he wants 50:50, but it is highly unlikely he wants that in practice. And if he has alcohol problems it is even less likely he would get anything like that.

But you need to split - you can't protect your DD at all living in the same house. At least if you split your DD has a safe place (at least some of the time).

He's a bully.

Also just asked my dh (we have a DD, younger than yours though) did he think that was ok or funny - and got a decided "No". He also said, totally unprompted that it is demeaning.

Oh and he's not a 109k a year good faith Christian who worships the ground I walk on 🙄.

*100k

You need to get legal advice - either a free 1/2 hour or is there any you can contact via work? Or CAB if necessary.

Just to reiterate, women's aid in my area has a one stop shop (once a week only) with legal advice - worth checking what there is in your area.

@DoubtingMyPatience Of course not all alcoholics are abusers and not all abusers are alcoholics, and lots of people who abuse their children also love them in their own way, or at least believe they do. Many people treating their children badly (whether deemed abusive or not) are not doing it with a mindset of explicitly setting out to harm them. They may have judgement that is affected by other things in their life, and one of those things might be alcohol addiction. Yes, it is an awful thing and of course the person needs support but you need something to support. In other words, if the person doesn't acknowledge the issue and seriously want to resolve it then any 'supporters' have nothing to work with. It isn't a question of judgement or blame, it is just that very sadly if someone isn't prepared to do the work, no one else can do it for them. When children are involved, it can be hugely damaging for them to experience.

OP, my advice would be to plan how to seperate and once you are ready be clear with your husband that you love him very much (if you do) and you are no longer prepared to subject your child to his alcoholism. If he gets the professional help he so clearly needs and can sustain sobriety he can be welcomed back into your life (if this is something you would consider). However I would be very prepared for that to be the end of your relationship as he may well just decide even losing his family is his preferred option. Agree that in the meantime you should document any incidents to ensure he can only have access under safe circumstances.

Lose the guilt; whatever made him this way is so terribly sad but you didn't cause it and its not your job to fix it. It is your job to protect your daughter and give her the best possible life you can. Love and luck to you both!

Thanks all advice saved. I will need it xx

We used to play this game as children, the game itself wouldn’t bother me, however the behaviour playing the game would.

Was it done in anger, malice etc...