Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Would you dump him for lying he had a job?

56 replies

ploddyttt · 10/10/2019 15:21

I started seeing a guy for 5 months now.
He told me he worked at the airport as a baggage handler.
Didn't think anything of it,a couple of times a week he would take pics of the airport terminal and him sat in the cafe on his "break"
Anyway I found out he doesn't work at the airport he is unemployed.
So not only did he lie but he went to some extremes to make me think he had a job.
(I'm sure there's a film somewhere like this but can't remember the name)
Tbh I don't care he doesn't have a job if he is actively looking etc
I just find it creepy going to the airport to take pics etc
What would you do ?

OP posts:
Original poster
ploddyttt · 10/10/2019 15:22

I found out he was unemployed when I stayed at his and found his DWP claim letter

OP posts:
Teddybear45 · 10/10/2019 15:23

Dump

mindutopia · 10/10/2019 15:24

Yes. It's incredibly creepy. You have little invested at this stage, so cut your losses.

Cherrypicker01 · 10/10/2019 15:24

Have you it confronted him about it?

madcatladyforever · 10/10/2019 15:25

I hate liars and cock lodgers. He'd be dumped right away. There is no trust now.

HollowTalk · 10/10/2019 15:25

Dump him. He's a liar and he's gone to lengths to lie to you, too.

ElspethFlashman · 10/10/2019 15:27

Nooooo. Dump.

It's only 5 months, you don't owe him anything.

That's not just a little fib, that's a really organised and calculated lie.

He could easily have said after the first week "my contract has come to an end, oh well, have to look for something else now" and you'd have been none the wiser. Tbh it still would be a red flag that he was an accomplished liar, but at least it would have been a lie he got out of pronto because he didn't want to keep on lying to you because he respected you so much.

But this is just an elaborate Web of deceit. What else has he lied about that you don't know? If he can lie about a big thing he can lie about small things right to your face as easily as breathing.

It speaks to his fundamental character. Fuck that. Plenty more fish in the sea.

pinkorchid1 · 10/10/2019 15:30

Definitely dump. This elaborate lie will be the first of many!

Idontwanttotalk · 10/10/2019 15:34

Dump him. I cannot stand lies and deceit. If he's lied about this he'll lie about anything.

Cattenberg · 10/10/2019 15:43

I once dated a guy who mislead me about his age, albeit without actually lying. He later came clean by himself, but I think it was because he knew he looked much younger than his actual age and couldn't resist a big reveal.

Then I found out that he'd also mislead me about his work. I thought he had a steady job, with some flexibility around working from home. It turned out that his job had ended some time before he met me and he'd moved on to agency work which had gradually dried up. He was actually unemployed.

Some months after we'd broken up, I bumped into him and he wanted to chat. I asked him where he was moving (his house was on a main road and had a prominent For Sale sign). He denied that his house was for sale and said the agent had made a mistake. His house was later sold. I have no idea why he lied about this.

I now think there were several other lies, but I have no proof. I never want to date a man like this again. If there's one lie (and one that he's gone to some trouble to maintain), then I'd expect there to be more lies, if not now, then in the future.

Rachelover60 · 10/10/2019 16:05

Flipping heck!

Any Corrie fans may remember Deidre Barlow falling for a guy who said he had a good job at an airport. He actually worked in Tie Rack or some such place.

Yes, do dump him but it would be interesting to know why he lied and how he actually feels about his unemployed status, he could be desperately anxious. Not your problem of course but.......interesting nonetheless.

DreamingOfLivingInAChateau · 10/10/2019 16:19

DUMP HIM NOW!!!!
you do not want someone who is that unreliable and un-truthful- especially seeing as its only at the 5 month mark!

think of it this way- would you be happy to have this happen if you were married and had a family- that he would lie about having a job?

I dumped a previous ex because he was lying about even having claimed for jobseekers- he had all this guff about applying for jobs, having applied for job seekers, turned out he was borrowing thousands from this brother, living far beyond his means, and mostl spending it on food and computer games- he was summarily dumped shortly after that when he started to manipulate me and I twigged to it-

please get rid of this man before you end up moving him in and he becomes a cocklodger!!!

PositiveVibez · 10/10/2019 16:22

Definite potential cocklodger.

Dump. His behaviour is creepy!

user1471504234 · 10/10/2019 17:12

I thought you were going to say you only just met him and found out that he didn’t have a job when he had said he did. Which would be bad enough. But to keep up the lie for 5 MONTHS. Dump him, he obviously has no problem lying to you.

Mightygerbil · 10/10/2019 17:15

I agree with the dump consensus. Relationships are built on trust and from the off he has deceived you. How would you ever be able to trust what he tells you about anything else if he can do that from the start.

AnneLovesGilbert · 10/10/2019 17:15

Run. He’s a fantasist. Bizarre fantasy too...

Apolloanddaphne · 10/10/2019 17:16

Does he know that you know?

MaryLane93 · 10/10/2019 17:19

I had an ex who faked a job. Turned out his fake job was the least fantastical lie he came up with during that relationship, and the rest of his personality was a fiction too.

RushianDisney · 10/10/2019 17:19

I'd find that level of deceit pretty disturbing to be honest, going out of his way to take photos to back up his lie is scary. I'd dump him and block him on everything, hopefully he won't end up being as crazy as he seems when you break up with him.

scoobydoo1971 · 10/10/2019 17:20

Definitely abandon this man. Apart from the lies, it sounds like a possible personality disorder if he goes to such lengths to pretend to have a job role that is a work of fiction. That makes him a bit dangerous as he is capable to going to extreme lengths in lots of areas of his life. He obviously has no conscience if he lies to you about this.

Mishappening · 10/10/2019 17:25

Can you have a serious relationship with a liar? - with someone you cannot trust?

I don't think so.

BumbleBeee69 · 10/10/2019 17:34

Dump

Phoebesgift · 10/10/2019 18:14

Yes I'd dump. What else has he lied about?

AutumnCrow · 10/10/2019 18:20

A DWP claim letter for what, though?

Was it for Universal Credit? Plenty on people in work claim it.

PIP? Again, you can be in work and claim it.

What was it for?

itsmecathycomehome · 10/10/2019 18:25

There are several benefits that can be claimed whilst in work, so the letter itself doesn't make him a liar.

In fact, if he was lying about a job, wouldn't he have made it more exciting than baggage handling?

If I was him I'd dump you for looking at my mail and jumping to conclusions.

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.