I have name changed for this as the circumstances are unusual.
I am very happily ;married to DH. He has a brother a few years older.
They are on good terms but not close, we would usually see BiL and his wife around Christmas time for an afternoon or dinner visit but on the whole they seemed closer to his wife's family. He has not been much of an uncle to my two sons and never remembers their birthdays. BiL is strangely obsessive about his hobbies, which are things like trains. He is a bit argumentative and drinks a bit, but in general is not a bad person. He is retired.
We were aware that BiL and his wife were not getting on for years, but this year she decided she could not live with him any more as he had rejected all her proposals for a happier life. They sold their pleasant 3 bed house with a big garden and could just about have bought a small flat each out of the proceeds. SiL will be doing this but is living in rented short term until she moves to a different part of the country.
BiL has decided (against all our advice to buy a flat) to live "off grid" and has bought a campervan, which he intends to reside in full time.
While he was waiting to collect the camper van we agreed it was the decent thing to invite him to stay with us for a fortnight. It was a very difficult time, he did not even put so much as a cup in the dishwasher, told me washing was "womens work" and was reluctant to use the washing machine, was sometimes drunk and argumentative and has right wing political views. We did our best but DH found it "the most difficult two weeks of his life". Now he often pops round to see us, which is fine, but previously we did not seem to be very important to him and we saw him once a year if that.
We thought he would be off on adventures but for a lot of the time he has lived on camp sites quite close to our home. He now says he is coming to a nearby campsite for the winter and will be able to see a lot more of us (gulp)
Both our parents are dead and my brother is a long way away so these days Christmas is just us and our two grown up sons, who come back home for a few days. I treasure our Christmases, both the boys are great cooks and we have a great time making merry, chatting and playing board games. Christmas is very important to all of us and these few days are very much the glue that keeps us together. I know that one day the boys will not want to come back or will have partners with other family traditions, so every year we do this is very special.
We are sure that BiL will not get a Christmas invite from anyone else.
I'm not an unkind person and my better nature says that I cannot let him spend Christmas in a camper van on his own.
I also know that if we invite him for Christmas somethign will happen to really upset me and that in any event it won't be our lovely Christmas .
DH says he feels the same but that we just have to invite him for Christmas day with an invite to stay the night into 26th because it would just be too unkind not to . Now I feel trapped and upset.
Part of me feels that he has made some very poor choices and he should have to put up with the consequences, but the minute I start to think that I fee a bit ashamed of it. Then when I think I've decided i just don't want Christmas at all.
I've got to do it, haven't I?