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Original poster

Away on daughter due date

54 replies

Nancaz · 07/10/2019 11:58

My husband has booked us a holiday of a lifetime that he has always wanted but after have found out my daughter is expecting a baby , we will be away 15days before and 3days after her due date ,it can’t be changed and I can’t express how guilty and emotional I feel about it , my daughter and I are extremely close and I wouldn’t have missed this for the world ,the holiday is going ahead but I feel sick about it and can’t bring myself to get excited, how many of you have given birth without your mum around ? Do you think it is more me wanting to be there rather than my daughter needing me ? She has an amazing partner

OP posts:

Greenkit · 07/10/2019 12:01

Tbh it's your daughter and husbands time, you can have cuddles when you get back. She will appreciate the time alone

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 07/10/2019 12:02

My mum and I are really close, but no way was I having her at the birth. It's a very special time I wanted to keep for me dh and the baby.

I can understand you feeling a little sad at not being able to get to her quickly to give her a hug and meet the baby after the birth, but at least you will be on a lovely holiday.

MatildaCat · 07/10/2019 12:04

My mum wasn't there when I have birth, by my choice.

Has your daughter asked you to be there? I wouldn't assume she wants you there. My mum was a bit surprised as she would also saywe're really close but she has a different perspective on our relationship to me.

You shouldn't feel guilty if she hasn't expressed anything of that nature to you.

IF she gives birth on her DD, which she probably won't, then the first 3 days, when you are still away, will go by really quickly and in a blur. Talk to you daughter about it but then just enjoy your holiday! The birth is more about the relationship between her and her partner than her and you.

user1474894224 · 07/10/2019 12:04

Just explain to her the situation. If you are so close she will understand. She has a wonderful partner. As long as he can get leave from work when she has the baby she will be fine.

P1nkHeartLovesCake · 07/10/2019 12:05

I love my mum very much and we are close but she was not at my birth. Honestly It was a Time for me and dh, why would I of wanted my mother there?? Mum come to visit a few days after me and bay got home

She won’t need you, she needs medical professionals and her partner. It’s definitely about your want to be there than her need.

She may be over due anyway, lots of babies are.

Stop with the guilt, enjoy the holiday and by time you get back your have a grandchild to cuddle

DeadDoorpost · 07/10/2019 12:06

I didn't care if my mum was nearby, I only wanted my husband.

Orchidflower1 · 07/10/2019 12:10

Tbh op although you feel very sad about it, it may be a relief to your dd. You sound as if you assume you’d be invited to the actual birth but your dd may not have actually wanted you there but didn’t want to hurt your feelings.
You will have lots of cuddles with your new grand baby when you get back ( if it’s been born) and you dd gets her family time too.

Have a lovely holiday and think what an exiting time it will be for you- no post holiday blues as there will be the new baby and a new season of life for you and your dh.

EmmaJR1 · 07/10/2019 12:11

It didn't even occur to me to have my mum there! I was also 8 days overdue.

Just enjoy yourself on your holiday and the thought of coming home to a lovely baby will make the dreaded return journey whizz by.

Coffeeonthesofa · 07/10/2019 12:13

It’s you wanting to be there, your daughter will be fine.
She and her partner are starting a new family of their own, you may always be close and a big part of their lives but her main connection will be to them now.
Time to let go a little?
Babies are unpredictable anyway due dates mean very little she could go past her date.
Maybe you could leave a lovely card, with a special mum to daughter message, or gift ready for her on her return from the hospital ( if you are not there) so that she knows you are thinking of her.

TroysMammy · 07/10/2019 12:13

I took 2 weeks off work starting on my sister's due date. My niece made an entrance on the Monday I was back in work at 11.30pm and only because of an emergency caesarean. Nothing goes to plan. Enjoy your holiday.

RuthW · 07/10/2019 12:17

I wanted my mum as soon as I gave birth. Now I have an adult daughter there is no way I would be going on that holiday.

ravenmum · 07/10/2019 12:20

You wanted to be at the actual birth? My mum came over when my dd was a few weeks old and it was nice to have her there to give me some advice, but no way would I have wanted her there at the birth.

2anddone · 07/10/2019 12:22

I was so grateful that the day I gave birth for the first time my parents and my xils were away they never got on and the atmosphere during visiting hours afterwards would have been horrendous, no way would I have had my mum anywhere near the birth or she would have gone on about it forever more to wind xmil up!! The second time my mum had ds while I was in hospital and the xils were away again so I got lucky both times !!

Lemonsqueasy · 07/10/2019 12:34

Is it her first? I'm v v close with my mum and just had my first a month ago. She actually went away for a week beforehand but got back the day before I went into labour - a day before my due date. I wasn't worried about her not being there, just looked forward to her meeting the baby. As long as you can stay in touch, it's not too long to wait. I also have a v supportive DP and he was all I needed. If you're close I think she'd feel awful if you cancelled the holiday for this reason. She needs your support more once the baby's here and her DH is back at work. It's understandable for you to feel that way though, and lovely that you two are so close. Congrats on your soon to be grandchild!

EscapeTheOrdinary · 07/10/2019 12:36

I gave birth without my mum. My husband was the only person I wanted there and we stayed in hospital for 3 days where visitors were limited to 1 including the babies dad so we refused anyone until we were home. They came to visit then. I really appreciated having that time just us 3

Redglitter · 07/10/2019 12:42

Theres a good chance you'll be home before the baby arrives if you're home that close to her date. Dont let it spoil your holiday. You're going on the holiday of a lifetime and coming home to a brand new grandchild. What a fantastic time to look forward to. You'll have not have the end of holiday blues on this trip 😊

Drum2018 · 07/10/2019 12:50

Chances are she'll still be pregnant when you get back. You surely weren't planning on being there for the birth anyway and even if she's had the baby, she and her partner will get a chance to settle back home before visits begin. No doubt her partner will have a few days off work so it will be nice for them to get time to bond with the baby. Stop feeling guilty, start looking forward to your holiday. You will have years of visiting your grandchild so let the holiday of a lifetime focus on youself and Dh enjoying your time together.

SherbetSaucer · 07/10/2019 12:55

To be honest, it should be their time as family. GP often get in the way. If baby is born while you’re away (first babies are often late) then you can see them when you’re back.

BlingLoving · 07/10/2019 13:04

Does your daughter want you at the birth? Because unless she does, I think this is one of those things where you need to relax and explain to her that of course if you'd known you'd have booked different dates. If you're as close as you say, she should understand.

I was happy to have parents and siblings visit as soon after DC were born as logistically possible (ie I'm not one of those people who wants 4 weeks with just me and DH and baby) but it wouldn't have crossed my mind to be upset at something like this.

Also, first babies tend to be overdue so you'll probably be there anyway!

DappledThings · 07/10/2019 13:13

It wouldn't have bothered me at all. My parents are 5 hours away so need a bit of notice to get to us anyway. It wouldn't have been any issue if they didn't get to meet DC until they were 3 weeks old rather than at 4 days and 2 days as it was. They don't change much in three weeks really.

OkayGo · 07/10/2019 13:17

If it's her first she might be late anyway. I went 2 weeks over. I didn't want my mum at the birth though!!

Notcoolmum · 07/10/2019 13:18

I didn't want my mum in with me. But I did want her to visit straight after. She was at the hospital for both of my sister's births but not in the delivery suite.

Have you spoken to her? Could you get home quickly if something happened and she needed you?

virginpinkmartini · 07/10/2019 13:19

I live 2 and a half hours away from my folks, so it's unlikely they will be able to visit me and the baby on the day it's born, possibly because of work etc. Which is fine, it's just the way the cookie crumbles. I'm an adult, I don't personally need my mother by my side as its my partners job to support me in childbirth.
I get not everyone has a partner, but it doesn't automatically fall on the grandmother, either. Don't beat yourself up. If it is really that important to both of you then you'll need to just forgo the holiday. No point of dwelling on it if there's nothing you can do.

misspiggy19 · 07/10/2019 13:20

My mum was here (not at the birth). If she was in your situation she definitely would have cancelled the holiday without a doubt.

Lllot5 · 07/10/2019 13:22

We’re you planning on being at the actual birth? If not it’ll be fine. First babies are often ‘late’ anyway.

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