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Original poster

Away on daughter due date

54 replies

Nancaz · 07/10/2019 11:58

My husband has booked us a holiday of a lifetime that he has always wanted but after have found out my daughter is expecting a baby , we will be away 15days before and 3days after her due date ,it can’t be changed and I can’t express how guilty and emotional I feel about it , my daughter and I are extremely close and I wouldn’t have missed this for the world ,the holiday is going ahead but I feel sick about it and can’t bring myself to get excited, how many of you have given birth without your mum around ? Do you think it is more me wanting to be there rather than my daughter needing me ? She has an amazing partner

OP posts:

Teddybear45 · 07/10/2019 13:23

How does your dd feel about this? If she wants you there then try and change the dates.

Cornishmum00 · 07/10/2019 13:23

I wouldnt have liked my mum at the birth its a time for just the baby's parents

Kaykay06 · 07/10/2019 13:26

It’s quite easy
You give birth and then your mother visits you, in hospital or at home.

Your daughter is an adult and her partner/husband and her are having a baby so she will be fine, she may not have baby until after her due date anyway.

My mum was only ‘there’ for baby no1
As in I was induced, then she drove from north of Scotland to visit stayed for a week then moved to Australia when he was 11 days old. I then had my other 3 sons when she was in Singapore then down south. I coped fine, FaceTime/phones etc. We are close, but I felt I could manage myself and she was happy with that and I didn’t really need her seeing me give birth.

MintyMabel · 07/10/2019 13:27

I'm really close with my mum but she lives 200 miles away. She wasn't there when DD was born prem, came to see me three days later but didn't get to meet DD properly until she came home 6 weeks later. Not a massive big deal.

SoupDragon · 07/10/2019 13:30

I would have been horrified if my mum had cancelled a longed for holiday just because it was aro7nd a due date she didn't know about.

ineedanotherholiday · 07/10/2019 13:40

Agree with the pp, I'm pregnant at the moment and my mum won't be at the birth. She hasn't outright asked but I think she would like to perhaps if I asked, or atleast at the hospital if not in the room but for me it's a time for me and my dh to welcome our child.

We will then have our parents down fairly soon after (all being well) but if your dd goes on her dd it won't be long until your home and can visit anyway. I wouldn't feel guilty op especially if she has not specially said she would like you there x

Oysterbabe · 07/10/2019 13:47

It wouldn't have occurred to me to have my mum at the birth. She'll be fine.

Bentley111 · 07/10/2019 13:53

I'm currently expecting DC1. My DM & I are really close - she would love to be at the birth and it was a really hard conversation to say "actually no mum, this is a time for DH & I."
Unless she has clearly expressed her desire to have you there, in which it's a different matter entirely.

Mermaidsinthesand · 07/10/2019 14:04

You sound interfering OP

I feel for your DD and her DP

Monkeymilkshake · 07/10/2019 14:04

Does your daughter want you to be there?
If not, enjoy your holidays. Chances are she'll still be pregnant when you get back.
My mum wanted to be with me more than i wanted her there (i didnt) and it was quiet annoying. Would have rather she went on holidays and left me to it.
It really depends how your daughter feels.

mindutopia · 07/10/2019 14:09

She'll be fine. Tbh, I would not have wanted either of our sets of parents (or anyone else for that matter) around when I was giving birth. We actually decided we would have no one visit for at least a week, in actuality, people didn't visit until 2-3 weeks after just do to scheduling conflicts and timing. My mum lives abroad and visited us when each of our dc was about 6 weeks old. That was truly fine. I imagine she would have wanted to visit sooner (but it just wasn't possible as it took time to book flights that were affordable after they were each born). I certainly wouldn't have wanted anyone re-scheduling a once in a lifetime holiday.

There are no guarantees that you'll miss anything anyway. My first was born at 37 weeks (presumably you'd still be home then) and my second at 6 days past my due date (you'd be back home by then).

Tonnerre · 07/10/2019 14:12

Do you think it is more me wanting to be there rather than my daughter needing me ? She has an amazing partner

I'm sure she needs her partner much more than she needs you. I didn't have my mother with me during the births of my children, and in fact I can't think of anything worse. She saw nos. 1 and 2 shortly after the birth, for no. 3 she took rather longer, but I can't say that it was a problem - I was too busy and had plenty of support from my DH anyway.

AlbusSeverusMalfoy · 07/10/2019 14:44

I would of been gutted of my parents were away when i gave birth. My mum was there at the first birth and looked after first child when i had second.

SVRT19674 · 07/10/2019 14:45

My mum was 600 km away. Babe was early anyway but I wanted to see her after the birth. At the birth was for baby, husband and I. I recall a friend of mine saying, who the hell wants their mum there? Unless you have a shitty DH, that's something different.

MintyMabel · 07/10/2019 15:06

I recall a friend of mine saying, who the hell wants their mum there

Surely that depends on your relationship with your mum. Some might find they are a great support.

manicmij · 07/10/2019 15:08

Just can't and never have understood this need to be on hand when AC give birth. Unless you live in a country where the women are the midwives then surely it is an
event for the M to B and the partnet unless specifically requested. Go enjoy your holiday, your DD is very inconsiderate getting pregnant and causing all this anxiety for you!!

SoupDragon · 07/10/2019 18:06

You sound interfering OP

No she doesn't.

Alysanne · 07/10/2019 18:15

Enjoy your holiday with your husband. You said it yourself that your daughter has a great partner. She and the baby will be fine.

Mrsthomasshelby1 · 07/10/2019 18:19

If it was me I would definitely not want my parents to cancel. My mother and I are also extremely close but she wasnt present at the birth, if your daughter has a supportive partner then I'm assuming she doesn't need you at the birth.

Plus babies are often late, eapecially if it's her first!

MrsDemeanor · 07/10/2019 18:46

Favourite birth was the one my mum wasnt there for. Sorry lol. I do love my mum. Shes brilliant. But you dont need to feel guilty honestly.

Original poster

Nancaz · 07/10/2019 18:56

Thanks for the reassurance my daughter knew for a good few months before telling me and knew we had booked holiday and still didn’t say anything,until it was too late to change it ! I know she wants us to enjoy our time away and will be fine ,I think it’s just me wanting to be close enough to be in hand if needed ,but I know i can’t control what will happen and what will be will be ,it will be hard leaving her but as you all say I am her mum and not her partner ,it’s their time x thanks everyone your replies are much appreciated x

OP posts:

CrystalShark · 07/10/2019 18:57

Honestly, go enjoy the holiday! The birth is between your daughter and her partner, she’ll be fine and it’ll be nice for her to have a few days/weeks to settle in and get into a routine before introducing baby. I don’t know anyone who had their mother at their birth so you’re honestly fine, go enjoy yourself!

CrystalShark · 07/10/2019 19:13

You sound lovely and thoughtful OP, your daughter is so lucky to have you as her mum :)

onanothertrain · 07/10/2019 19:25

I think your daughter not telling you she was pregnant until it was too late for you to cancel your holiday tells you your answer

smk95 · 07/10/2019 21:52

Unless your daughter has specifically asked you to be birthing partner and she's adamant, I wouldn't worry. I didn't have my mum at my birth and wouldn't want her there and she didn't visit for a couple of days because we wanted some space

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