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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Please keep me sane whilst boyfriend is on lads holiday.

63 replies

FlowersAndSunshine1 · 05/10/2019 23:04

Short story: boyfriend is im thailand with a friend. This friend is single and likes to chat up girls. They are 24. I've been with boyfriend for about half a year.
They've been planning to go away since before we met so i didnt want to get away which i was fine about but now he's gone i miss him.and have the normal fears of what's happening or if he's seen my message and not replied (all silly stuff)

He's there for 10 days - heard that Thailand is very tempting to cheat so my anxiety is quite high atm

OP posts:
JoxerGoesToStuttgart · 05/10/2019 23:06

You want us to keep you sane for 10 days? Couldn’t you just get rid of your insecurities and decide you either trust him or you don’t?

peachypetite · 05/10/2019 23:06

KEEp yourself busy!!

cheninblanc · 05/10/2019 23:31

Not so simple to just get rid of insecurities.

Op - I understand, keep busy stop looking at phone..

JoxerGoesToStuttgart · 05/10/2019 23:34

Not so simple to just get rid of insecurities.

No- but far healthier for OP than this.

Expressedways · 05/10/2019 23:39

It’s easy to cheat anywhere if someone really wants to. Either you trust him or you don’t. I know easier said than done but there’s no need to be anxious purely about the fact that he’s on holiday with a friend who is single. Keep busy to pass the time- see friends, have a night out and enjoy having the bed to yourself, watching films/programmes he doesn’t like etc!

fluffygal · 05/10/2019 23:40

Thailand- I would feel the same tbh. The only thing you can think is you can't control what he does, you can only control you. Will you be able to accept that you will never know if anything happens?

Sadiesnakes · 05/10/2019 23:44

Couldn’t you just get rid of your insecurities and decide you either trust him or you don’t?

Yeah in an ideal world....

Meanwhile for most people, shit happens, people cheat, a lot, and people get hurt, and develop these insecurities, they are inevitable.

Op I feel bad for you, I think most would be very apprehensive about this, except of course the "cool gf's",.

Is he staying in regular contact? I think that would probably help the most here.

Original poster
FlowersAndSunshine1 · 05/10/2019 23:45

I think i'm more paranoid because it's Thailand of all places and i've panicked myself through google searches and loads of forums say there is so much temptation and most people end up cheating

OP posts:
Original poster
FlowersAndSunshine1 · 05/10/2019 23:47

Yes he's sent me.some pictures but i sent him a text at 5pm and he saw it but didnt reply but i understand he's on holiday.
I'm worried i've come across too much as a "cool girlfriend" - My attitude was very "well you were wanting to go before we met so it's fine and I trust you" and i genuinly did up until he actually went and now I feel panicky.
I just keep thinking that their original plan was to go.for a few months but he cut it down to days for me

OP posts:
HeddaGarbled · 05/10/2019 23:48

You are both young, you haven’t been dating long and he’s away for less than a fortnight.

It’s not good for your happiness and self-esteem to live a life where you are so dependent on the latest man in your life.

Concentrate on your job, see your friends and famIly, enjoy your normal interests and daily pleasures, look forward to seeing him in a few days time.

Original poster
FlowersAndSunshine1 · 05/10/2019 23:48

And i never asked him to cut it down, he did it himself which was very thoughtful

OP posts:
JoxerGoesToStuttgart · 05/10/2019 23:50

You are absolutely torturing yourself here OP.

Tell me this- you worrying about him cheating- will that prevent it happening? Will it help you know whether he has or hasn’t?

Dyrne · 05/10/2019 23:51

I’m fascinated - what is it about Thailand specifically that makes people cheat?

I mean, I get that a holiday atmosphere, alcohol, lads holiday etc, but surely that could apply anywhere just as easily as Thailand?

If he’s the type to cheat, he’s going to cheat whether he’s on a night out in your local town centre, or at a Full moon beach party in Thailand. The location doesn’t matter, it’s the shitbag that cheats that’s the problem.

Original poster
FlowersAndSunshine1 · 05/10/2019 23:52

@Joxer very true, nothing is in my control in terma.of his actions.
I think my fear comes from about 4 years ago when an ex went to thailand for a month and i trusted him whole-heartedly and then when he came back, he told me a few months later that he cheated

OP posts:
Sadiesnakes · 05/10/2019 23:53

It's going to be a really tough 10 days tbhThanks

I'd love to say don't worry of course he won't, he loves you, but in real life it doesn't work like that.

There is a chance he will cheat, more so if he likes to drink alot.

A holiday like that would be a deal breaker for me, and as a pp says, there's a good chance you'll never find out if anything actually does happen.

JoxerGoesToStuttgart · 05/10/2019 23:54

That was a different person though. You wouldn’t be with this man if you thought he would cheat on you, right? So why do you suddenly judge him by your exes standards? Thailand didn’t make your ex cheat- he did it because he wanted to.

Original poster
FlowersAndSunshine1 · 05/10/2019 23:54

@Dyrne it's probably the fact that i've made myself paranoid through google. Reading about the "massages" and all the other stuff about how "everyone" (of course exaggerated) finds the Thai women irresistible

OP posts:
fluffygal · 05/10/2019 23:56

Thailand is notorious for Western men travelling to and sleeping with women (and ladyboys). I am not saying all men who go to Thailand do it, but it is well known for this- hence the huge sex trade in Thailand.

Original poster
FlowersAndSunshine1 · 05/10/2019 23:57

He is a big drinker but only with this friend he's gone with. They both get very drunk together and aee likely to be partying every night,

My reaction has shocked me since i was so fine about it before he left but i just wanted somewhere to vent since obviously he's on holiday so don't want to vent to him hahaha

OP posts:
Sadiesnakes · 05/10/2019 23:57

"Cheating" in Thailand usually comes in the form of paying for cheap sex, hence the reason most wouldn't love their dp choosing that destination.

Original poster
FlowersAndSunshine1 · 05/10/2019 23:58

Do you all think i've been stupid being so agreeable to him going? I just thought were still in the early days and he said he was going when we first met that i thought i couldnt really "stop" him per say

OP posts:
Dyrne · 06/10/2019 00:01

Still confused, sorry. Thailand isn’t some corrupting influence on innocent young men. If he cheats, it’s because he’s a cunt who cheats; not because of some “irresistible” Thai woman Hmm

Sadiesnakes · 06/10/2019 00:01

That was a different person though. You wouldn’t be with this man if you thought he would cheat on you, right? So why do you suddenly judge him by your exes standards? Thailand didn’t make your ex cheat- he did it because he wanted to.

The idealism here is ridiculous.Hmm

Of course because its happened before you are going to be extra worried. It would be strange if you didn't feel what you are feeling now.

Original poster
FlowersAndSunshine1 · 06/10/2019 00:03

I only mentioned the ex thing because i had 100% trust in him but the trust was broken. I of course know my boyfriend is a different person but it still worries me that someone who i thought wouldnt cheat did cheat and it was in the same place where boyfriend has now gone so i think anxiety is natural

OP posts:
Interestedwoman · 06/10/2019 00:04

I don't think you could've told him not to go, this early on in a relationship, but I can understand your anxiety. All you can do is trust him, and as others have said, keep yourself busy xxx

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