Please keep me sane whilst boyfriend is on lads holiday.

[FlowersAndSunshine1]

Short story: boyfriend is im thailand with a friend. This friend is single and likes to chat up girls. They are 24. I've been with boyfriend for about half a year.
They've been planning to go away since before we met so i didnt want to get away which i was fine about but now he's gone i miss him.and have the normal fears of what's happening or if he's seen my message and not replied (all silly stuff)

He's there for 10 days - heard that Thailand is very tempting to cheat so my anxiety is quite high atm

Sorry OP, I’m bowing out now. It seems sadiesnakes is very keen on convincing you your boyfriend will cheat which is the opposite of what you came here for.

Hope you can find a way to get control of your anxiety. It has no impact on whether he will cheat or not so it serves no purpose.

@Joxer thank you for your advice though, I will take on board the comments that i cant control his actions nor compare him to what ex did

@interestedwoman thank you xx I just hope he misses me and doesnt get too drunk that he doesnt know what he's doing haha

If you're willing to accept that 'Thailand made him do it' or that if he has a few drinks 'he won't know what he's doing' you will get what you deserve.

@Lamentations i didnt mean it come across like I was excusing it if he does cheat, I just meant that he remembers what's at home

*hope he remembers what's at home

Oh god it's you AGAIN!!

If he cheats then he cheats you're powerless to stop that. Then get rid of him because he wouldn't be worth it.
Stop fretting over something you can't control.
Who knows you could have a very loyal DP 🤞🏼.

@T1gerEye is there more than one thread or something?

Ok Joxer, I get what you are saying, and I'm sure op appreciates your optimism. But you are over simplifying just switching off insecurities, it really doesn't work like that, as anyone with insecurities will tell you, they are deep seated and ingrained and it can take years with a good psychologist to reverse them, and even then it's a work in progress.

Op came on for a hand hold and, at first, you basically told her she was ridiculous to be feeling the way she is, not very helpful either, IMO.

I really do hope he's loyal - fingers crossed :)
This is my first post.

he cut it down to days for me

I can understand why you're worried but can you focus on this bit? Of course people can cheat anywhere but I totally get that it's more worrying when you know they're abroad and in party mode. Would he trust you if you went away for a few days? How would you feel if he didn't?

Either you trust him or you don't. If he's going to cheat he will regardless of how much you worry.

My oh goes away with friends every year - in fact he's in the states right now with them. We have been together ten years and I have never once worried about him cheating because I trust him.

He videocalled me before which was lovely and explained that he'd only be able to get in contact via wifi cafes which ofcourse is fine, Thanks for the advice everyone, I'm feeling so much more relaxed today :) hopefully it will stay this way xx

Thailand. Sorry you have the right to be worried.

Totally aside from this, you say he drinks a lot - that's a reason I'd be cautious about getting into a long-term, serious relationship with him.

I meant he drinks a lot when he does drink, he only drinks when he's out with his friends and because that's not all the time, he kind of binges when he does.
Last time they were on holiday, they were drunk every night.
On the video call, he said they were having beers so guess.it's a drunk night tonight, i'm just trying to keep positive

Anxiety has risen a teeny bit, going to do a bit of tidying to keep occupied

Agreeing to let him go on a holiday that was arranged before you met him when you are 6 months into a relationship does not make you a "cool girlfriend" FFS.

If he's going to, he will and you'll probably never know about it.
What's your actual worry?
That he'll have sex with someone who isn't you?
Well, I'd guess he already has, and they're probably not separated from him by an 8 hour plane flight.
He's probably not going to be meeting his future wife in Thailand.

I dont think of myself as a "cool girlfriend" at all

@TinyTinathy I dont think any of us like to think of our partners being with someone else so yes when going to a country that is stereotypical for western men going there for one thing and is known as the land of temptation, of course the brain does have a few worries of "will my boyfriend do anything?"
I trust he wont but it still doesnt stop that "what if" feeling

Trouble is of course that your worrying won’t affect the outcome.
So you may as well stop doing it. Easier said than done I guess, but only thing you can do.
Make him wonder what you’re doing.

@Lllot5 thank you, i'm not worrying as much today, Having a nice call with him helped :)

1. No one should ever get to decide if/where someone else is allowed to go on holiday.

1. If he cheats you'll never know so there's zero point even thinking about it.

I never in my life heard of Thailand as the land of temptation 🤔 You either trust him or you don't.

When I was your age, my boyfriend at the time went on a lads holiday to Ayia Napa and he kissed some girl, maybe even shagged her but he didn't tell me that. We broke up for a bit because I was heartbroken over it but then got back together a few month later. Fast forward 10 years and I'm married (not to the boyfriend!) with kids!