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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Please keep me sane whilst boyfriend is on lads holiday.

63 replies

FlowersAndSunshine1 · 05/10/2019 23:04

Short story: boyfriend is im thailand with a friend. This friend is single and likes to chat up girls. They are 24. I've been with boyfriend for about half a year.
They've been planning to go away since before we met so i didnt want to get away which i was fine about but now he's gone i miss him.and have the normal fears of what's happening or if he's seen my message and not replied (all silly stuff)

He's there for 10 days - heard that Thailand is very tempting to cheat so my anxiety is quite high atm

OP posts:

koffeetoast · 06/10/2019 14:10

Doesnt sound like you trust him at all. Even if he was in constant communication with you, he could still cheat. Sounds like you need to work on your trust issues. He can cheat on you anywhere in the world.

CmdrCressidaDuck · 06/10/2019 14:14

Op I feel bad for you, I think most would be very apprehensive about this, except of course the "cool gf's"

...no, I've never been with a man I thought so little of that I thought he would buy cheap sex, no. DH went on holiday to Thailand fairly early in our relationship - with a single friend, no less. It never occurred to me to worry. He didn't cheat, but he did see some beautiful country while travelling up and down it on the train and had a wicked time dancing in the party carriage with a group of ladyboys.

If he's the kind of man to cheat on you with a Thai sex worker, he's also the kind to cheat on you with someone British, so better you know now.

Aus84 · 06/10/2019 14:25

A cheaters going to cheat. Doesn't matter where he is. An ex of mine went to Bali for a few weeks about a year into our relationship. I trusted him and didn't worry about anything the whole time he was away but I knew something was up as soon as he got back. Brought me heaps of presents but something felt off.. We broke up soon after and turns out he is a serial cheat so I dodged a bullet.

My now DH also went away on a sporting trip a few months into our relationship. Again trusted him, no reason not to. In our 16 years together there's been countless trips away and I've never had reason to think he has ever played up.

Trust him until he gives you reason not to.

RantyAnty · 06/10/2019 15:20

You've only been together a few months. It's still evaluation time. Just keep yourself busy with your own life.

I wouldn't worry about him cheating If he does, there is nothing you can do about it.

It's a lad's holiday in thailand with a single friend. I don't see how 2 24 year old horny young guys are going to resist hoards of sex workers throwing themselves at them.

I wouldn't have sex with him when he returns without him having and STI check.

ukgift2016 · 06/10/2019 15:30

Why is he going to Thailand of all places? And with a single male friend.

They obviously booked it for the cheap sex. You two have only been dating for 6 months and he is a young guy in his early 20s. Great recipe to stay faithful.

Original poster

FlowersAndSunshine1 · 06/10/2019 16:11

But what do guys find attractive about sex workers? Does the risk of STD's and the fact the girl has no feelings for them and probably sleeps with tons of guys a week not put them off?

OP posts:

BertieBotts · 06/10/2019 16:16

Erm, personally I'd hope the fact they are vulnerable, often underage and probably trafficked would put them off

If he's not horrified by the very notion of that I would be running a mile. It's basic compassion for women, of which you are one. If he doesn't have that he's probably a sexist cunt TBH.

Caucho · 06/10/2019 16:16

Well I’ve been to Thailand single and not had sex but you do get hassled. A lot. The women just won’t leave you alone if you’re anywhere touristy and it’s constant. Like every couple of minutes sometimes. Think it might be different if you away with someone as a couple but I won’t be going back as hated it. I knew the reputation but didn’t realise that it would be an issue if not going looking for it. And yes I was in a minority. The vast majority of the blokes I saw were happily tucking in. Was really uncomfortable seeing every 60 year old bloke with girl in their 20s

Shoxfordian · 06/10/2019 17:21

Stop overthinking it
He could cheat on you in the uk as easily as in thailand if he wanted to. If you don't trust him then you may as well break up

quincejamplease · 06/10/2019 20:35

What the fuck is it with the rapey "men can't control themselves when it comes to sex" on this thread? Of course they bloody can. If they choose to have sex with someone else that's because they chose to, not because men "can't help themselves". Grim.

Why would you be in a relationship with someone you have such a terrifyingly low opinion of?

Frankly, getting into the territory of dictating who your partner can and can't socialise with and where they can or can't go on holiday - combined with pestering someone to continually check in and justify themselves - is controlling and abusive. It is not ok.

Feeling insecure because of your past experiences is understandable. I have compassion for you over that and you should have compassion for yourself.

Engaging in behaviour that reinforces those feelings is deeply unhelpful. You need to challenge them - for example, by seeking reassurance you reinforce your belief there is a valid reason to do so. Stop it. Distract yourself until the feelings pass.

Dragging somebody else into an unhealthy situation and being controlling is never ok. Doesn't matter what happened to you in the past, there is no excuse.

I can't believe you even contemplated trying to stop him going or think it would have been ok to do so if only you'd been his girlfriend longer first.

Croquembou · 06/10/2019 20:43

But what do guys find attractive about sex workers?

This is really an escalation across a thread from 'my bf has gone to Thailand and I'm anxious' to 'my boyfriend is going to sleep with a vulnerable sex worker'. And, in all honesty, if I was your boyfriend, I'd be massively offended.

Your boyfriend is presumably a perfectly nice man who will have a fun holiday, maybe a little flirt here and there and then come back to you.

Croquembou · 06/10/2019 20:54

That sent too soon....Otherwise, he's not a great boyfriend and you're best off without him.

Also, it's not being a 'cool girlfriend' to 'let' him go on a holiday that was planned before he met you. He's not your dog or your child. He's a grown man.

JammieSplodger · 06/10/2019 21:27

I've been to Thailand several times and it's an amazing country, you meet so many people from around the world traveling there. A lot of cheating goes on there, males and females. It's like a dream holiday for most people and people do lose their inhibitions. It comes down to whether he's a cheat or not. In terms of prostitution I'd be very suspicious if he's in Pattaya.

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