We’ve had a whole host of issues recently (started in July) - would have been relatively minor and blown over but my DH drew them out for 6 weeks with lying, gaslighting and dripfeeding. In this time I was very distressed but also hysterically bonding. He somewhat disengaged and developed ?depression.
For the last month he has been up and down about wanting to continue our marriage and it has taken its toll. Sometimes he loves me, sometimes he adores me, sometimes he is “flat” and suspects the true reason he is flat may be because he doesn’t want to be married. He would have not considered separation prior to the discussions that started in July.
We are 30, been together since school, married 9 years, two DC 7 and 5. We were the “perfect couple”.
Last night I explained that I am no longer going to fight to prove my worth or the value of our marriage - he is devaluing me and I am facilitating it. He said he wanted to keep trying but felt flat - i.e. no feelings about it continuing or ending.
I am struggling to live with a man who isn’t certain he loves me. He spends a fair bit of time discussing why I’m not right for him, etc. (Reasons like I don’t enjoy dungeons and dragons, he changes his interests very regularly, it would be very unusual for another individual in a relationship to be enthusiastically into exactly the same flavour of the month at exactly the same time). He sent me this message today. Flighty refers to him wanting to move out.
Do I continue to put myself last and devalue myself to support him, or do I scrape up my self-esteem and self-worth and walk away before he does?
I have two children and financially am unable to support myself.