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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

I am inappropriately besotted

20 replies

ebeneezergoode · 13/08/2007 13:25

So tell me, what does one do when one meets a man in the most unfortunate of circumstances and is utterly bowled over but it would be deeply wrong to flirt/suggest getting it on in any way?

I may sound flippant but I am serious.

I met a man at a time when meeting men was not on my mind at all. We were very supportive of one another and have since met up to do other essential stuff and now we will not likely see one another again for months - if ever.

Part of this infatuation could be due to him being a 'tower of strength' and stuff so may be less real than I think, but he appears a wonderful being, is single, we got on great. We talked about everything and could have talked for hours and hours longer.

He's disappeared out of my life just like that. Bugger.

Okay, so, if he was interested then he could contact me but I really don't think he would have been considering whether he liked me in that way or not because he was consumed with a lot of other stuff.

Why can't life be simple sometimes?

OP posts:

Turquoise · 13/08/2007 13:27

Why can't you contact him and just keep in touch?

Original poster

ebeneezergoode · 13/08/2007 13:35

I guess I could but because I know I have an ulterior motive it feels a little odd making contact and also a bit obvious iyswim?
We'd certainly be unlikely to stay in touch under normal circs. We knew of each other before but never spoke to one another.

OP posts:

Earlybird · 13/08/2007 13:40

Are you single?

Dior · 13/08/2007 13:41

Message withdrawn

Turquoise · 13/08/2007 13:43

Well, if you bonded over something really serious, and you've been a great support to each other - can you text ssomething alongs the lines of: keep in touch, thanks for all your support, be nice to meet up sometime in nicer circumstances?

As for being obvious - some men need obvious. If you still don't get a reaction, then leave it - but you'll never know till you try.

Dior · 13/08/2007 13:44

Message withdrawn

Turquoise · 13/08/2007 13:48

Well, on the whole I'd say ice queen treat em mean keep em keen is the approach, but in this case if it was horrible circumstances, then a nudge in the right direction might be appropriate!

Hi Dior, I have a stinking cold but am otherwise dandy thanks - how are you? Cant get on msn atm dammit, bloody pc and broadband nonsense driving me nuts! This laptop is SO slow.

Dior · 13/08/2007 13:49

Message withdrawn

Turquoise · 13/08/2007 13:52

Dior - where is your thread? Want to catch up, but can't find it in relationships?

Original poster

ebeneezergoode · 13/08/2007 13:53

Yes am single (name changer also) and he is single AFAIK.

I might send a text but you are right about obvious, I guess I just have to face rejection because if I hint I know he'll never 'get it'.

OP posts:

Dior · 13/08/2007 13:54

Message withdrawn

Earlybird · 13/08/2007 13:58

ebeneezer - if you're single and he's single, I don't see what's inappropriate about being besotted.

Why are you not likely to see him again for months, if ever? Does he live elsewhere? Are you in touch at all now?

Turquoise · 13/08/2007 13:59

Well you don't have to come straight out and ask him out, just let him know you'd like to continue the friendship! Then see how it goes - it should at least get him thinking along the right lines.

Thanks Dior, found it, off to look.

Original poster

ebeneezergoode · 13/08/2007 13:59

Oh I so don't want to give myself away here.

There was a thread in lone parents about dating and someone mentioned sharking for men at a funeral. Let's say it could be classified as that!

OP posts:

Earlybird · 13/08/2007 14:03

How long have you spent with this man? Was either of you the bereaved?

Sorry to ask so many questions, but it's hard to advise when the situation sounds complicated and details are scant.

Original poster

ebeneezergoode · 13/08/2007 14:10

We were both friends of deceased and know quite a bit about one another as a result but we'd never met. I spent the funeral with him (of course) and then went back to his (along with my xdp ) for food and atuff - there were 5 of us there.

Since then I've spent all day with him and two 3 hour journeys just me and him in a van together!

OP posts:

Earlybird · 13/08/2007 14:18

Could you invite him out, or offer to make a meal for him to say thanks for being such a 'tower of strength' during a difficult time?

Do any of your mutual friends know you like him? Would it be too 'teenager-ish' for one of them to let him know how much you enjoyed the time and that you'd like to see him again? They could spell it out for him, if you feel strange doing it.....

Btw - you're taking advice from a woman who has been single for years, so feel free to ignore!

zippitippitoes · 13/08/2007 14:19

I don't see what you have to lose by getting in touch with him and making it clear..it's either that or forget him isn't it?

good luck

Original poster

ebeneezergoode · 13/08/2007 16:18

Thanks. It is a bit of a friendship fecker upper though to get it wrong. And, I hope we might grow a good friendship from here even if not a relationship but that is almost as hard to achieve as the relationship.

OP posts:

Dior · 13/08/2007 16:53

Message withdrawn

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