We haven’t had sex much recently. We are not in a great relationship phase. We haven’t managed to be thoughtful. There are resentments. DH will pretty much ignore me all day, only touching me fairly intimately at bedtime to see if I was sex. When I decline, he withdraws his hand, turns his back and ignores me. He did it last night at about 2am (I’d been out, working). I did not feel horny and declined. He asked if I didn’t want sex because I felt ill, or because I didn’t love him, or... I explained that for me, sex is intimate. It is the culmination of kindness and consideration and warmth. (I didn’t say this, but I guess the unspoken narrative is that it is not something I feel like after days/ weeks of being belittled and ignored because he’d stuck his hand in my pants.) We lay in silence and I drifted off. Before I fell asleep, he turned away and did lots of deep sighing and harrumphing.
I’m not sure whether this was wrong of me to say/ feel. It IS how I feel and I think it’s reasonable. I realise most people want sex in a marriage - but I cannot carry on feeling like I should do it. And I struggle to express my feelings, so presumably it’s better than faking it/ not explaining. But - maybe it was, I don’t know, shocking in some way.