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Original poster

what would you say/do to a fil that calls your son a mummy's boy

27 replies

thegardener · 13/08/2007 12:28

My ds is 18 months and fil called him a mummy's boy when ds came over to me and gave me a cuddle. Fil didn't say it warmly it was as if he was jealous ds was cuddling me & not him, even though dh & i had spent the whole visit sitting back and letting them play with ds. I just ignored his comment but wonder if he's going to make a habit of saying it and if he does should i carry on ignoring him?

pil do get to me at times as they can be difficult and often makes stupid comments that annoy us or try to belittle us. The pair of them are quite controlling.

OP posts:

NAB3 · 13/08/2007 12:29

Ask him what is wrong with being a mummy's boy. FGS he is 18 months old and still a baby. FIL is an idiot.

sleepycat · 13/08/2007 12:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

chopchopbusybusy · 13/08/2007 12:32

I wouldn't worry too much about it. Parents and in laws tend to say these things without thinking IME. Obviously, if it continues then tell him to stop as it's upsetting you and DS.

TooTicky · 13/08/2007 12:33

Tell him to piss off? I feel sad when I think of all the little boys forced into being little men in years gone by.

LucyJones · 13/08/2007 12:34

What's wrong with saying that?
My ds is a daddy's boy and everyone always says that... I would quite like it if someone called him a mummy's boy....

Original poster

thegardener · 15/08/2007 12:22

I've read that most kids are very 'mummy orientated' & i'm really happy i have a close relationship with ds and hope it lasts a long time. i would expect when he reaches 8/9 he might not be so 'mummy orientated' and when in the very long run he gets married i wouldn't want him to be a mmummy's boy then as i know in can cause too much friction with a wife.

I suppose if fil had said it with affection it may have been different but it wasn't which i was a bit upset about and also when he gets a bit older and comes out with comments like that i don't want it to come between us.

Really wish i had a kind & fun fil but you have to except what you have don't you, mine is a total prat.

Thank you for your messages of support it's been really helpful.

OP posts:

beansprout · 15/08/2007 12:25

This is his problem, not yours. What could be better than a child knowing that his mum is there when he needs her?!
He is just showing his age!!

Quattrocento · 15/08/2007 12:28

Everyone including DH and DD call my DS "mummy's boy". Tis infuriating. I just hug him and say yes I'm proud he's a mummy's boy.

Blu · 15/08/2007 12:38

Babies and toddlers look to thier Mummies fro cuddles and comnfort - of course they do.
If you think the problem is jealousy, just say, in a relaxrd voice, 'oh ds loves all his family' and move on. The problem is that Mummy's Boy has connotations, doesn't it? Of being a softy of some kind. Stereotypical crap of course....but you could say 'all the best men start out as mummy's Boys - it's a shame it doesn't last, isn't it? I wish it would, but it won't' or soemthing like that.

But i wouldn't snap and snarl - although i would be biting it back.

crokky · 15/08/2007 12:40

If an 18 month old is a mummy's boy, that is good IMO.

beansprout · 15/08/2007 12:42

Real men love their mums

ProfYaffle · 15/08/2007 12:43

My Dad is similar when dd1 comes to me for a cuddle rather than him. eg at Xmas when we stayed at their house she refused to go to him one morning (after spending most of the hols with him) and decided she wanted to eat her breakfast sitting next to me so Dad said 'oh what's wrong with you, you whingebag'. He does it all the time. In Dad's case he definitely is jealous. I wish I had some sage advice but sadly I don't, I just ignore Dad and refuse to get into a battle for my own dd's affection.

My parents are quite controlling as well btw.

krang · 15/08/2007 13:23

Silly old sod. I also have an 18m DS and there is nothing more lovely than when he suddenly stands up in the bath and holds his arms out to me and we have a lovely cheek-to-cheek cuddle! (In fact we seem to be spending all our baths doing that right now.) What the hell is wrong with little boys loving their mums? Make the most of it, that's what I say.

Tell him it's not the Dark Ages any more and these days we are quite happy for our little boys to show the women in their lives some spontaneous affection.

babygrand · 15/08/2007 13:26

What's wrong with calling a child a mummy's boy? To me it just implies that the child is particularly to close to mum - so that's a good thing isn't it? I'm always referring to one of my girls as a 'daddy's girl', and have never thought of that as a negative comment.

heifer · 15/08/2007 13:39

at 18 months its a great thing

At 38, umm not so great ....

but obviously still good if he has a great relationship with his mum - just not tied to apron strings etc...

Original poster

thegardener · 16/08/2007 05:51

Thanks for all your messages, you've been very supportive!

I think also fil is stuck in the dark ages,he probably has a club in his wardrobe, i can just see him hovering in a cave

My dh thinks he doesn't mean anything by it and says just ignore him he thinks ds is 6/7 yr old not a 18 month yr old.

When do boys usually stop being so close to their mummmy's?

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iris66 · 16/08/2007 05:56

when they get a replacement But seriously, I don't think they ever do - perhaps they are less demonstrative for a while as they go through the "I'm a man now" phase but I think all males are mummy's boys really (even when they've a girlfriend/wife!)

Original poster

thegardener · 17/08/2007 06:52

Maybe you're right about them always being close to their mum's, perhaps it's the relationship his own sons have always had with their mum that makes him jealous and mine with ds tips the balance with him???

Maybe one day he will realise that kids are generally closer to their mum's.

OP posts:

ChasingSquirrels · 17/08/2007 08:05

"of course he is mummy's boy, do you think we just picked him up off the street on the way here or something???"

Original poster

thegardener · 17/08/2007 12:13

that's what i'll say next time CS, that's brill, thanks

OP posts:

harpsichordcarrier · 17/08/2007 12:15

ignore ignore ignore. perhaos he thinks he should be out camping in the wilderness on his own or shooting small animals or some such.
here, would you like ot borrow my favourite epxression:

Original poster

thegardener · 18/08/2007 13:15

That's good too HC maybe that is best suited at the moment, then you aren't drawn into a possible debate either that he so likes to establish so he can get to know your business better.

Thanks!

OP posts:

kerala · 18/08/2007 18:32

A nice mum friend of mine's husband keeps disparagingly saying their gorgeous little 1 year old is a "mummy's boy" everytime he wants a cuddle. Now she has started saying it too. It really grates and worries me - could this sort of attitude eventually lead to the poor child having to hide his feelings etc when hes older?

FILs can say moronic things. I was accused of "spoiling" a 5 month old...

Original poster

thegardener · 19/08/2007 11:30

They're a pain aren't they, how on earth can you spoil a 5 month old, they need lots of love & attention. Fil comes out with stupid comments all the time, that i would never dream of saying and mil never pulls him up on anything, she just sits there watching everything unfold even when she can clearly see that we are upset, sil walked out of the room over opening their wedding presents at pil's house or rather the fact that they wanted to open them on their own & fil voiced his opinion again... so it's pretty clear she feels the same as him over things, just that he fires the bullets.....

OP posts:

Spandex · 19/08/2007 11:36

Just glare at him and say, "Do you mind? He's just a little boy. I'm not sending him to Sandhurst just yet."

I don't know why you've let him get away with being so rude for so long. He's probably jealous because his own mother didn't love him like you love DS.

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