In shock- no one to talk too

[TheMuteMoose]

After giving my emotionally abusive ex another go tonight he took it to a whole new level. I have no one to talk too as no friends or family knew I was trying with him again. I feel so stupid, heart broken and a mess.

What have I done.

The Mute Moose, please don't think you brought it on yourself, you didn't. Nobody brings violence on themselves unless it is self defence and all you were doing was pleading.

He's a violent, unpleasant man.

Please do what others have said, call the police. There's no excuse for his behaviour.

I'm glad you're safe now but am sorry at how hurt you are.

please let someone be there.of course there might be some or initial reaction of shock you let him back.BUT you didnt let him back..he worked his control tactic that all abusers have to reel you back in.most people will understand that..and(to those who are worth it anyway) those who love you will just want to be there and protect you.and espceically if you are needing help no to truly get away from this man they will wnat nothing more than to help that happen.

you did nothign wrong.he would have been searching and finding anything you did to be able to let himself hurt you.if youd have let him walk away i guarentee he would have turned around and slammed you into the floor for not making the effort to make him stay! he was waiting he was searching for another reason to hurt you.

let this be your startint point.hes proven he is a lyer.a clever manipulative abuser.this is what they do.a well worn script.
write you own now hun.get out.get free.get your life back.you have a bright future now.away from this shithead.

Okay. Please take the comments below, from someone who left an abusive partner, many years ago, with the help of family and friends. I was a different person when I was with him - always terrified of upsetting him. Without him, I've been confident and happy and had a good life and some great partners. Most of whom are still friends, despite our parting as romantic partners. Yes, there've been ups and downs and disagreements but I've never feared for my life or my safety or my sanity like I did when I was with aforementioned abusive ex.

1. IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT. You could do everything just the way he says he wants it and he'd still find fault. I guarantee it.

1. HE WILL NOT CHANGE. Advice I was given in the early days with the monster ex from hell that I wish to God I'd listened to: "If he makes you cry now he'll always make you cry".

1. You are worth more than this.

1. Report him to the police, if you can bring yourself to, for assault. And drink driving.

1. Change the locks on your doors if he has a key. Get a dummy CCTV camera, or the real thing, just in case.

1. Do you have just one friend you could confide in, who could be your safe place?

1. Get rid of anything and everything that reminds you of him. Return any of his possessions. Get rid of any gifts he may have given you, anything you may have bought together.

1. It might sound a bit "woo" and away with the fairies, but think about doing a nice house blessing or cleansing with a pretty scented candle or a bit of incense, or just a bit of boiled water and salt, and a few prayers or a favourite poem, to "clear" the house of his presence.

1. You will get through this, and in a year's time, the date may be tinged with sadness, but also with joy.

10. Please look after yourself. You deserve a happy future and now you've seen his true colours and he's gone, that's exactly what you can work towards.

Please, please OP as others have said, report this dangerous man to Police - he may do this to others and it will help if he if already on their files. Take photos of bruising and keep yourself safe. It is definitely NOT your fault. If you can't stay away from him for yourself, stay away for all those that love you

Reporting a drink driver is never a waste of police time . I hope you are ok .

Hey sweetie.
First off, I have been where you are now so please trust me when I say I understand and believe me when I say you have done nothing wrong and are not to blame for any of this. He is a manipulative man who got inside your head to get his own way.
You need to make sure you are safe. Don't let him back into your home, all the 'I'm sorry' 'didn't mean it' and flowers in the world do not undo what he has done to you both physically and mentally. He will tell you what you want to hear, what he wants you to believe, and then he's got you back. Fom then on it's just a ticking bomb until the next time. Each time gets worse. Believe.
I know it's hard, but you MUST REPORT HIM. You need to let the police know everything, both physical and emotional abuse you have suffered by him. Also you must let them know he is driving under the influence of alcohol. He is putting other lives at risk. Imagine if he hurt or worse, killed someone whilst driving drunk and you knew you could have stopped it??
You need to report what he has done to you for your own sanity but also what if next time he hurts you a whole lot more? You end up in hospital from the injuries he caused? What if you're not in a position to say who attacked you next time? If it's on record he did it this time, the police will know who to go for next time.
You have family. It doesn't matter what they think of you giving it another try with him, they won't want you to be hurt, scared and alone. Reach out to them. Ask for help. You can get through this. You DO NOT NEED HIM IN YOUR LIFE IN ANY WAY.
You are stronger than you realise and you can do this.
Where do you live? pm me if you want to. If you are close by, I am happy to meet up if you would like to.
Take care of yourself. You're not alone. There is plenty of help, support and caring people out there for you.
Hugs 🤗

Thank you all for your kind words and advice. I am still numb with shock, but covered in bruises and have a very sore wrist. He has no keys to my house thankfully, he has of course tried to call on with held as his number is blocked. He has sent an email full of apologies, but making clear I pushed him to that.

I am in so much pain. Physically and emotionally.

Can someone let me know how I can report to the police? Still no friends or family are aware and I want it to remain that way.

Thank you again.

Please call 101 to report.

Hope you are safe.

Call 101 and report it. Please phone Women's Aid too.

What a prick. Even when sober, he's taking no responsibility for assaulting you.

Call the police. Take photos of your bruises. Don't answer his emails, and please don't take this abuser back.

Good luck OP.

Is there a way to report and he won’t know? I’m worried.

Yes sober he is more so saying I pushed him too it, I should have let him leave. I didn’t think much damage was done last night, but I have a full bruised handprint on me. My wrist feels as though it’s sprained (maybe where I out my arm out?) and my ribs are very very tender

I have just had an amazing red hot shower which really helped.

Also numerous other very sore bruises. My shoulder has seized up.

What a mess. I feel so heart broken

Are you worried he will come after you if you report him?

You need to report him. None of this is all your fault.
What an awful scumbag making out you pushed him to this.
He WON'T change and he is in control of his own behaviour. He's an abusive c**t.
Do not allow this scum back in your life and find safety.
If you don't want to report for yourself then think about the next person he will be doing this to.
He has gotten into your head and made you think this is your fault. No one and especially you deserve this behaviour.
Don't normalise this because this is not normal. Phone the police.

I meant DO NOT deserve this behaviour. I should really proof read 😳

Keep his 'apology' messages and take pictures of the bruises. It's evidence for the police.

You need to report him. You can request that the police don't contact him at this time as you are scared of his reaction. You also need to take photos of your injuries as many others have already advised. Can I suggest you please go to your GP, walk in clinic or A&E. You need to be checked over properly. You could also get some decent pain relief, which it sounds like you could do with.
Please, please reach out to your family and friends as I said before. Forget pride, feeling like it was your fault. It wasn't. He is just a nasty piece of work. You need some real support, a real hug and shoulder to cry on. As much as we are all happy to be here for you, you need someone there physically for you to give you the support you need. You cannot go through this on your own. Noone will judge or say 'I told you so'. What you are going through is awful, there are people there who love and care for you, use them. 💐

Go to A & E, lovely, and they will help you. You will probably need your wrist x-raying and they can get the Police to come into you there.

Don't let him do this to anyone else. Have courage.

@TheMuteMoose I called the police on my emotional abusive exP on Thursday night after he snapped and attacked me and my child (we are both physically fine btw). My advice is to call the police, even if all he gets is a caution it shows him that was he has done is not acceptable and you are not going to take it anymore.

Why some men feel like they can behave this way is ridiculous. I have been hurting all week, feel like my heart has been ripped out of my chest but honestly I know deep down I have done the right thing.

Do this for yourself. Get this awful man out of your life once and for all.

Go to hospital and call 101 OP. Stay strong.

Please report him, otherwise this is going to keep happening. If you're worried about his reaction, see if the the police can make it a condition of bail that he doesn't come near you. If not, look into getting an injunction - you should qualify for legal aid.

@TheMuteMoose I hope you're ok OP