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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

In shock- no one to talk too

97 replies

TheMuteMoose · 29/09/2019 21:37

After giving my emotionally abusive ex another go tonight he took it to a whole new level. I have no one to talk too as no friends or family knew I was trying with him again. I feel so stupid, heart broken and a mess.

What have I done.

OP posts:
MoeGreenSpecial · 29/09/2019 21:59

Do you have a friend or relative whose house you can go to, or they can come to you? You must get yourself checked over and call the police for your wellbeing and safety.

Original poster
TheMuteMoose · 29/09/2019 22:05

I have sent one final text clearly stating what happened this evening and blocked.

I don’t feel I can talk to anyone In real life. They have heard me cry over him so many times, and all thought I was doing so well without him

OP posts:
poppy289 · 29/09/2019 22:06

Lock your doors. Call the police. Do not contact him again. Make sure you are safe. Abusers always abuse. It will continue if you let him in. Don't. Be strong. You deserve much better. Good luck and take care xx

Beautiful3 · 29/09/2019 22:06

You need to keep away from him op if you value your life. Stop making the same mistake over and over. Respect and love yourself.

Original poster
TheMuteMoose · 29/09/2019 22:07

I can’t waste police time over this..I was stopping him from leaving the house, I wanted answers. I was even trying to hug and hold him.

How can people lie like this.. he begged and begged for me back. Promised the world and I really believed he had changed

OP posts:
worriedandannoyed · 29/09/2019 22:09

You won't be wasting police time. This man is violent to women and shouldn't be allowed to get away with it. Please do it to protect yourself. I hope you are ok with no serious injuries x

AnyFucker · 29/09/2019 22:11

He was drinking and driving. The police would have not seen it as wasting their time.

Or would you feel too guilty to dob him in ?

Original poster
TheMuteMoose · 29/09/2019 22:15

I feel like this is all my fault. I’m not sat here thinking of every word I said. Did I do this wrong or that wrong. It was him who suggested staying at house this evening I didn’t ask that, I dropped him off at the pub in his car so he knew he was be coming back to mine. Why not say if he wanted space

He has sat there just waiting to flip and when I gave him no reason he just got up and said he was going.

I can’t even believe what happened

OP posts:
C8H10N4O2 · 29/09/2019 22:15

I can’t waste police time over this.

He is drink driving that isn't wasting police time. In my immediate circle there are two families broken apart by drunk drivers. One of the bastards killed a middle aged mother of five children and her eldest child who was herself a new mother.

You are not wasting police time. Please don't make reasons to yourself not to report him.

Drum2018 · 29/09/2019 22:21

He has physically assaulted you. That is reason to call the police. Have this recorded with them. If he has key to your house make sure you change the locks first thing tomorrow. Go to your gp if you are in pain tomorrow and take photos of all bruising.

SuzieSunshine · 29/09/2019 22:22

Maybe today had to happen for you to 100% realise that nothing has changed not will it. I really don't mean to sound flippant as it's shocking what he did and how quickly he turned on you but he has proved, again, what his true colours are. Use today to prove to yourself that HE WILL NOT CHANGE. I would draw a huge line under this and have nothing more to do with him. It's not as if he's done this once before and that you had to give him another chance. This is him. Please, for your own sanity and safety, stick to your guns and do not let him, under any circumstances, back into your life. I wish you all the best OP, but you know what you have to do.

katalavenete · 29/09/2019 22:22

You would not be wasting police time. They would want to help you. It's why they join the police - to help people just like you in moments just like this.

It's not your fault. His abuse has conditioned you to see it that way, but it's not true.

Have you done the Freedom Programme yet? It might help. Www.freedomprogramme.co.uk

Elderflower14 · 29/09/2019 22:22

OP I don't normally comment on relationship threads but please report him. He could do this to another woman.... Sad 😔 😔 😔 😔 😔

Thatsnotmymammoth · 29/09/2019 22:22

I’m so sorry you’re going through this. You wouldn’t be wasting police time at all. As others have said - violence and drunk driving. Both serious.

You wanted to believe him when he promised he had changed. That doesn’t make you stupid at all.

As to how people can lie like this - Some really believe they won’t abuse again when they say they won’t. Some don’t give a shit and will do anything to stay in control and keep you coming back or not leaving them in the first place. But that doesn’t matter. The only person who matters right now is you. You deserve to be safe and not to have someone so despicable in your life. Whether you choose to go to the police or not, make yourself a promise that no matter what he says, what he does to try worm his way back, that you will NOT try again with this man. It will be a never ending cycle of this time but increasingly dangerous. Be kind to yourself.

SirVixofVixHall · 29/09/2019 22:23

He could have killed a family, after attacking you.
Please call the police.

Miranda15110 · 29/09/2019 22:24

You can still report him for DD.

katalavenete · 29/09/2019 22:24

m.youtube.com/watch?v=d5NHBn5p9vY

And he didn't want space, he just wanted to control you and make clear who's got the power here.

They always get worse when you take them back because they feel more confident that no matter how much they hurt you, you will always take them back.

coatlessinspokane · 29/09/2019 22:26

Darling do not go over the conversation endlessly examining what you could have said to make it go differently.

Even if you had done / said the things he is accusing you of you did not deserve the reaction you got.

Ok?

PennyNotSoWise · 29/09/2019 22:27

I should have never let this man back into my life. I had weeks of NC and he worked his way back in.

moose, this isn't your fault, please know that and stop blaming yourself. Pricks like him are masters at this, they manipulate you, make you feel sorry for them, tell you what you want to hear. It's not your fault at all, you just trusted someone.

I know you're in shock right now, but I think it would be wise to contact the police. He's assaulted you in your home and driven whilst drunk. He could have killed someone. It's not a waste of time at all, it's what they're there for.

Please don't let him back, remember tonight when he tries making excuses, and stay safe. I'm sorry this happened to you.

Pantsomime · 29/09/2019 22:29

Well OP you have proof he won’t change even when he promises he will- BUT you can change - you can accept he won’t/ can’t change. It’s sad that you’ve invested in him but you can and must stop now. Don’t look back, yes cuddle your battered heart and pack the love you have in you safe until you find someone who deserves you and the love you have to give. Frankly he could have Killed you tonight if you fell differently

AdoraBell · 29/09/2019 22:32

It won’t be wasting the police time and it wasn’t your fault.

Please call them and report the assault.

AtrociousCircumstance · 29/09/2019 22:33

It’s not wasting police time, it is essential you tell them - to protect yourself, and to protect others.

Plus because he deserves to be held to account for his violence against you.

INeedAFlerken · 29/09/2019 22:36

Please call the police. Log it at the very least.

Please please please.

And call Women's Aid. Find someone to talk to. please. You deserve better. You really, really do.

percheron67 · 29/09/2019 22:39

Inform the police, please. He has been drink driving. I hope he is out of your life for good. Sounds a horrid man.

scubadive · 29/09/2019 22:40

It sounds like maybe the alcohol is having a big affect on his behaviour. Maybe he can be nice when not drinking but you can’t have this when he’s had a few.

Don’t worry about falling for him again , some people can be very manipulative. Just resolve to start afresh now and look forward to a relationship where you are treated with respect.

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