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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

In shock- no one to talk too

97 replies

TheMuteMoose · 29/09/2019 21:37

After giving my emotionally abusive ex another go tonight he took it to a whole new level. I have no one to talk too as no friends or family knew I was trying with him again. I feel so stupid, heart broken and a mess.

What have I done.

OP posts:
Interestedwoman · 29/09/2019 22:47

Your life is just about to begin. Call the police if you feel able. Plus block and move on. You've lost nothing except literal pain.

justasking111 · 29/09/2019 22:49

The police will take him away to sober up. You have tried but it is not going to work. I am sorry.

FilthyBiscuit · 29/09/2019 22:50

Moose, this has come as a shock and you will need a day or two for the adreneline to calm down. Please, tomorrow, when you have had some sleep call the police. He deserves no less. And as others have said - your life is now beginning without this abusive arse in it. Stay safe and be kind to yourself, you didn't deserve this or ask for it, the problem is with him.

Interestedwoman · 29/09/2019 22:51

It's the opposite of wasting police time- he slammed you to the ground. He'll do the same to other women if he isn't stopped. I don't want to scare you, but he could also give you more hastle. Report him for other's safety and your own please.

supersop60 · 29/09/2019 22:53

Lock the doors, have a cup of sweet tea (the adrenaline will use up your sugar)
In the morning, call the police and call your family and friends. You need their help to stay safe.
I hope you can see now that he is bad for you.

AlexaAmbidextra · 29/09/2019 22:56

It sounds like maybe the alcohol is having a big affect on his behaviour.

Nah. Alcohol just brings out the real person. They relax their guard and forget to pretend that they’re decent human beings.

Ellmau · 29/09/2019 22:57

I feel like this is all my fault.

No. It is NOT YOUR FAULT in any way at all.

Call the police and press charges. If you have any reason to believe he has keys to your home, get the locks changed ASAP.

Span1elsRock · 29/09/2019 23:00

If you can't do anything else right now, get yourself checked over medically.

Ring someone you can trust, and ask for help. So what if they say "I told you so". You need someone with you.

And make sure he can't get back in. Does he have a key?

RueCambon · 29/09/2019 23:04

Please do report him. This is not a waste of police time. That is the self-esteem that he has damaged talking. Go to the GP as well. It's so shocking. You need to share this with the GP as well. Get checked out.

Your life isn't over, to echo what another poster said, this time you leave without any confusion or guilt. You can leave him and never be hoovered back in. So this is the start. I had to leave twice as well. Obviously I regret going back to him but he successfully hoovered me the first time but the second time I left was the real time because I was not going to be hoovered.

Lightinthedark · 29/09/2019 23:11

I have been where you are. Have my ex another chance with similar consequences. Its not your fault. Please go to the police and or to your GP in the morning. I promise it will get better but do get help for yourself. I am so sorry this has happened to you

Ellie56 · 29/09/2019 23:13

Call the police now. He had no right to assault you. This is not your fault.

MotherOfDragonite · 29/09/2019 23:14

Whatever you said and however many chances you gave him, it's no excuse for physically assaulting you!!! You definitely wouldn't be wasting police time if you made the decision to take it further.

Tonnerre · 29/09/2019 23:16

He assaulted you, you wouldn't be wasting police time. Please call them. Also take photos of any injuries.

IAmBumblebee · 29/09/2019 23:23

The first instance of assault - whether verbal, emotional, psychological, physical - you report the abuser, walk away and never look back. There is no 'three strikes and you're out' rule. there is no 'forgive and forget' when it comes to abuse. You have every right to report him, to leave, to never make direct contact with him again, and to live a wonderful, happy life without the bastard. Report. Leave him. Never look back. Call the police, you are worth it. How dare he lay a finger on you.

RhinoskinhaveI · 29/09/2019 23:27

this is your turning point
you CAN have a life away from this despicable person.

ScrimshawTheSecond · 29/09/2019 23:29

Lots of good advice already given.

I would ask you to let someone know - family, friend. For your safety, OP. If you were my daughter/sister/friend, I'd want to know - no matter how often I'd split up and got back with the man.

You feeling guilty, like it was your fault - it's all part of the abusive cycle.

Isolating you from friends, family and people who could help you is all part of it.

Don't let him make you think you're on your own. There's people out there to help - refuges, police, etc, let alone your friends and family.

Now you can draw a line and start to rebuild your life, OP. Take good care. xxx

AgentJohnson · 29/09/2019 23:34

You need to start being honest with yourself. Not calling the Police is your prerogative but not wanting to waste their time is not the reason. The reason/s are not wanting to be found out by your friends and your reluctance to closing the door on this toxic individual.

This is who he is and as long as you keep expecting him to be different, you will continue this abusive cycle by going back.

You know exactly what you should do, you just do want to do it.

Italiangreyhound · 29/09/2019 23:38

Thanks thinking of you.

BiMum5 · 29/09/2019 23:43

This is NOT your fault!
You are a good person and you tried to give him the benefit of the doubt. It's absolutely not your fault that he abused the trust you placed in him.
Don't go over what you said and did. You could have been Pollyanna and he'd still have been a bastard. That's what manipulative people do.
It would be advisable to call the police if he's drink driving but you're in shock so only do what you feel able to do.

Happymum12345 · 29/09/2019 23:43

You’re going to be fine. You’re never going to be treated like this again. That’s the end.
Life can be beautiful especially as you’re now you’re free of that vile man.

SorenLorensonsInvisibleFriend · 29/09/2019 23:49

For the sake of a very lovely young woman I knew who was eventually murdered by her abusive ex-boyfriend... please call the police.

You don't deserve this. None of this. You deserve to be loved with no fear, or threats, or violence.

Please, call the police. Be strong x

Winterlife · 29/09/2019 23:54

I can assure that alcohol doesn’t bring out the real person. Sometimes it does, other times it doesn’t.

OP, if you don’t have the strength to call the police, no one will judge you for that. But he did assault you, and that is not your fault. Please remember that.

Good for blocking him. Stay strong. You don’t need a manipulative abuser in your life. If he shows up at your door, turn him away, with police help if needed.

81Byerley · 29/09/2019 23:54

Please call the police. Please.

RhinoskinhaveI · 30/09/2019 00:11

Are you there OP? lots of people are here to chat, to try and help you see the way through this😊

viques · 30/09/2019 00:16

Can you write today's date somewhere in big letters? Somewhere you will see it and remember why you wrote it next time he tries to slime his way into your life.

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