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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

How would you take this comment

64 replies

Fakehair83 · 28/09/2019 01:40

My partner and I were arguing tonight.

I’m pregnant 31 weeks with twins still working full time and I am busted. I asked him after work tonight would he Watch my DD 6 while I had a nap alas we had my whole family coming up for drinks later. He did all grand. When I woke up he started saying to me about his friends stag next year that he hasn’t booked onto as we cannot afford it when I’m going off on maternity v soon he also has a son who he pays CSA for and my wage is the bulk of our living costs so that’s going to be cut a lot.

He is hinting and hinting about this stag and I said tonight that I found him to be quite selfish he was in Vegas in June for a week and away two weekends ago on a hobby weekend. He then lost it and told me al
The things he does for me....drops my DD at school some mornings when he’s off, let me nap (tonight was the first) while I slept, go to Tesco for me Hmm and how I’m ungrateful. Then he said

‘I’ve never once thought I was too good for a girl I’ve been in a relationship before until this one’

I feel like complete shit he is now saying I’m taking it out of context but I don’t know what context it was meant in other that what was said.

Dicky or not????

OP posts:
Rainbowqueeen · 28/09/2019 01:46

Yes dicky

He doesn’t sound very nice at all

The things he does for you sound
-A pretty minimal compared to what you do for him assuming you are the major breadwinner and probably do the majority around the house
B things that normal adults in a relationship do

I’d be doing some serious thinking here

tararabumdeay · 28/09/2019 01:55

He thinks he's too good for you? There's your answer.

feliciabirthgiver · 28/09/2019 02:11

Totally dickish comment

However, assuming he's not always a dick, could it be anxiety at the impending arrival of twins and the massive upheaval to your family and finances that's driving his dickish behaviour - not excusing it but I wonder if there is more going on that you need to get to the bottom of?

SpinneyHill · 28/09/2019 02:13

LOL!
"I go to the shops and sometimes take a child to school you ungrateful mare all you're doing is carrying my twins and paying more than me for everything I enjoy.....What d'ya mean going to the shops and taking a child to school is usual behaviour for a bloke in my position? What d'ya mean expected to help out cause you're pregnant? What d'ya mean I'm punching above my weight? What d'ya mean other women would tell me to fuck off when they'd finished laughing at the pathetic list of normal shit I just put forward as special extras? What d'ya mean my pompous, fantastical arse better fuck off?"

Seriously how do these men make these statements out loud without wincing????
I would have gone bat shit, made up swear combos, glaring and probably calling him Little Miss Cinders the Princess of all Martyrs........and a cunt.

I'm not great at adult discussion when confronted with dickhead logic

Suppertimelove · 28/09/2019 02:20

Never mind about the money - he’ll have twins to look after. Knob

Everafter1 · 28/09/2019 02:22

What other context could that have been! It's clear as day! He's backtracking. He should admit he's wrong and apologise instead of adding insult to injury by making out you've misconstrued him.

He's holding you having naps when you're heavily pregnant against you?! That's standard relationship stuff. He's not amazing for allowing you to nap!

This is all over the stag do? He's not exactly been deprived of time away from you. He's spitting the dummy out.

Mothership4two · 28/09/2019 02:38

Definitely dicky!

WhatTiggersDoBest · 28/09/2019 02:47

I'd be sad and angry if my DH said this to me when I was pregnant.
Maybe he should look up how much child maintenance he'd have to pay for twins before he says anything hasty. Plus all the other stuff he'd have to pay for if you weren't there to subsidize him. And all the work he'd have to do around the house if he lived alone.

littlecabbage · 28/09/2019 02:51

That's an awful thing to say.

Original poster
Fakehair83 · 28/09/2019 08:07

i had a bit of a sleep now up with DD he’s sleeping and will leave for his hobby in about an hour. I’m more upset this morning about what was said. It wasn’t said flippantly to hurt me because he said he had been thinking about it for a while. This is his two ex’s one who took half the house he had bought and she had contributed nothing too and the second who cheated (all confirmed by family btw) yet I’m not good enough Angry

I probably should be thinking of finishing work soon but I know we can’t afford it so I’m continuing in until 35 weeks I don’t want put on a pedestal but a little understanding would be nice

OP posts:
lexiepuppy · 28/09/2019 08:19

I'd hazard a guess that he is projecting with that comment and that he realises he is punching above his weight with you.
He is an absolute dick for saying that to you, and it also sounds like he is trying to gaslight you by saying you have taken it out of context , but you know what he said.
Stay strong.Flowers

Notcoolmum · 28/09/2019 08:20

His resentment to his exes should tell you all you needed to know...

PositiveVibez · 28/09/2019 08:44

He wants you to dump him so he can go to Vegas with a guilt free conscience.

Original poster
Fakehair83 · 28/09/2019 08:48

He can book his flights all he wants that’s fine but I won’t be putting as much in the JA this month if he can spend £200+ on flights

OP posts:
Weenurse · 28/09/2019 08:49

He has 2 ex’s because of this behaviour

Pinkmonkeybird · 28/09/2019 09:33

He sounds very entitled. If you have no issue with him going barr paying for it out of family funds, then he can go by all means but pay for it himself out of his money without compromising the family budget.

I'd understand a hobby to some extent but this is a jolly. I certainly wouldn't be happy in your position.

meccacos2 · 28/09/2019 10:47

You’re meant to finish work 6 weeks before the intended birth of the child and twins usually come early. You must be massive already and absolutely exhausted!!

He wants to f-off when you have two babies to look after?? Or he wants to f-off while you pay for him to be on a stag? ....while you’re working, because you can’t leave early because he can’t provide for his family?

I would suggest he sleep elsewhere. If he isn’t even paying his fair share then he should leave.

GilbertMarkham · 28/09/2019 11:22

he was in Vegas in June for a week

That right there is another flag.

SignedUpJust4This · 28/09/2019 12:16

OP why do you think his previous relationships ended?? This is a selfish twat. He thinks he's doing you a massive favour by watching your DD so that you can nap whilst growing his 2 dc? He's an entitled brat and he doesnt even support your emotionally, physically or financially. He knows this is the case which is why he's chipping at your self esteem so you actually start to believe his shit. Tell him exactly how it is. YOU are too good for HIM and if he doesnt step up he can fuck off.

TimeForNewStart · 28/09/2019 12:29

He wants out.

Original poster
Fakehair83 · 28/09/2019 12:32

I’ve sat all morning trying to think about what he does for me that goes above and beyond and nothing stands out?

He offered last week to get me a preg massage but the times he was giving me I had plans so that meant I was ungrateful maybe I was but he was wanting my mum to mind dd while I got it done and my mum does enough childcare for me re work I didn’t want to ask for more.

We are out tonight at a family get together of his I’m driving it’s an hour away I’m lying in bed trying to shift this headache while dd lies beside me watching her tablet she’s so good for me he is at his hobby Hmm

OP posts:
GertrudeCB · 28/09/2019 12:37

I agree that he is looking for a way out, the wankbadger.

SunshineAngel · 28/09/2019 12:42

Sorry, but when you're a parent, you can't just jet off on your own whenever you feel like it. It's not great financially, it's not fair on you to have to deal with things at home on your own, and it's not fair on the kids, who will miss him.

When you decide to become a parent, you basically sign a contract to put your own personal needs on hold until your children are independent. It sounds as though you are doing a fantastic job, and have done that perfectly.. him, not so much.

He shouldn't be making you feel 'grateful' for every little thing he does. In a relationship, particularly when you're parents, you should do things because they need to be done, not to do the other one a favour. It's like he's saying everything's YOUR job and he's helping YOU out.. well no, thanks.

I'm afraid I'd have lost it with him - and I haven't even mentioned that ridiculously selfish, spiteful and hurtful comment.

Knittedfairies · 28/09/2019 12:42

Your 6 year old is showing you more consideration than your partner?Tell him you're not up to driving for 2 hours tonight as you're resting instead. What a fool.

Knittedfairies · 28/09/2019 12:43

^ Him, not you!

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