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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

How would you take this comment

64 replies

Fakehair83 · 28/09/2019 01:40

My partner and I were arguing tonight.

I’m pregnant 31 weeks with twins still working full time and I am busted. I asked him after work tonight would he Watch my DD 6 while I had a nap alas we had my whole family coming up for drinks later. He did all grand. When I woke up he started saying to me about his friends stag next year that he hasn’t booked onto as we cannot afford it when I’m going off on maternity v soon he also has a son who he pays CSA for and my wage is the bulk of our living costs so that’s going to be cut a lot.

He is hinting and hinting about this stag and I said tonight that I found him to be quite selfish he was in Vegas in June for a week and away two weekends ago on a hobby weekend. He then lost it and told me al
The things he does for me....drops my DD at school some mornings when he’s off, let me nap (tonight was the first) while I slept, go to Tesco for me Hmm and how I’m ungrateful. Then he said

‘I’ve never once thought I was too good for a girl I’ve been in a relationship before until this one’

I feel like complete shit he is now saying I’m taking it out of context but I don’t know what context it was meant in other that what was said.

Dicky or not????

OP posts:
Original poster
Fakehair83 · 28/09/2019 12:48

He also said that I need to be with someone I can control like a robot as I always think I’m right so I asked him how I control him because I honestly don’t think I do and he said I didn’t say you control me but I know you want to be able to control me Hmm

He also said I am taking out my past relationship with DD dad out on him because his words ‘spent that time pregnancy f every girl in sight’ now yes I did find all this out later and left my ex because of it all and I’ve always been open with my partner about that relationship but he will always cast it up to show how ‘good’ he is to me

OP posts:
Karkasaurus · 28/09/2019 12:49

That's a really nasty comment.

81Byerley · 28/09/2019 13:16

How do you feel about managing alone with three children? Because I think that's how you will end up, if not now, then very soon. He doesn't sound very nice.

SkySmiler · 28/09/2019 13:18

Total dick, he's treating you terribly

Booboooo · 28/09/2019 13:21

What a shit head. Sack off the plans for later let him go himself

Original poster
Fakehair83 · 28/09/2019 13:35

I’m ok about raising three alone.

I’m
Worried about my DD 6 she adores him and I hate the thought of a fourth house move for her (this rent is in his name but I pay my half) I don’t think I have the energy to go tonight tbh

OP posts:
CandyLeBonBon · 28/09/2019 13:46

You're not even on the tenancy agreement? Shit op that leaves you very vulnerable

AMAM8916 · 28/09/2019 13:50

I have a different slant on this. I think you started the nastiness by calling him selfish so he retaliated in defense at being called selfish by asking you about something that is happening next year and most people tend to do, go on stag and hen do's.

I think if this is the only cross words that have been said, it isn't worth breaking up over. I think I'd go a bit mad if I mentioned going to a hen do and my husbands response was to tell me I'm selfish rather than discussing it and looking at the practicalities first. It is a little selfish since he's already been away this year but this is happening next year, not next week or when you're due or anything like that.

Once a discussion turns nasty, that's it. Both end up really angry and words get said.

You need to think about why you think he's selfish. Do you feel like you are putting in and giving way more than he is and this discussion about the stag do just made you fume inside?

MrsAJ27 · 28/09/2019 13:52

What a horribke man...why are you noy on the tenancy agreement?

I wouldn't go tonight if I were you

Quartz2208 · 28/09/2019 13:52

Are you sure he is financially telling the truth or his money isn’t going on himself

CMS take a strict percentage of his wage so he should have money left over

Quartz2208 · 28/09/2019 13:53

And I would say his comment is a power play

Original poster
Fakehair83 · 28/09/2019 15:04

I called him selfish because our money situation is shit atm and when he went to Vegas and spent £2000 in a week he OKd it by saying he would have enough saved for my maternity and the babies wouldn’t be affected. Well it’s a few weeks until the babies come and we have nothing in and everything we are now getting are bargain stuff because he never did save anything so yea I think he is selfish that the only thing that’s been concerning him this last two weeks is his mates stag.

I have a bad credit history (due to ex)so the rental agency wouldn’t let to me so just his name has went on it. But I’ve neen so careful past few years to make sure I handle my money better now which is why into the JA I give double (if not more) than him as he can’t afford anymore than what he gives after CSA and bills

OP posts:
Roozy123 · 28/09/2019 15:11

I’ve never once thought I was too good for a girl I’ve been in a relationship before until this one’ ... what a dickhead.

Also... oh how nice of him to "let you nap" 🙄 while heavily pregnant with 2 of his babies.

Eugh...

I don't even know what to suggest as if that were me I would have lost my shit and he would have been gone.. personally I wouldn't be able to get passed that comment about being too good to be with me.

I hope you're alright Flowers

Quartz2208 · 28/09/2019 15:18

Where did the £2k come from

AMAM8916 · 28/09/2019 15:35

So he is overall selfish then and this was the tip of the iceberg really.

He hasn't saved for the babies but has this stag do on his mind. His priorities are all wrong. Since you've given more info and said about the £2k in Vegas and how you're scrimping for money for stuff for the babies, I can see why being woken from a nap to be nagged about a hen do has tipped you over the edge.

The comment about being too good for you was way over the line. You're the mother to his soon to be children working your arse off to make sure you don't fall into a hole. And actually, taking your DD to school is not doing you a favour at all. You all live together and are a family. How silly of you to think he might help out with your daughter! What a douche

ToEarlyForDecorations · 28/09/2019 15:35

Does any one else see drip feeding ?

littlecabbage · 28/09/2019 15:51

Does any one else see drip feeding ?

Not really. The OP gave lots of relevant info in her first post, and is now responding to questions.

ChristmasFluff · 28/09/2019 16:01

How would I take that comment? I'd set the fucker free to find someone he doesn't feel superior to. Somehow I'd struggle on with a couple of extra drop-offs, napping when the kids did, and going to Tesco myself.

I get the feeling your life will be a whole lot easier when he's out of it.

IncrediblySadToo · 28/09/2019 16:05

(((Hug))))

You didn’t ‘start it’. He IS selfish as well as horrible.

I know it’s not what you had planned and I know it’s not easy, but I really think you need to leave him. Given some sleep deprivation he’s going to have you not knowing which way is up! And you’ll start to think he’s right when he says this kind of shit.

Occasionally dropping DD off to school and sometimes going to Tesco certainly does NOT qualify him for partner of the year.

I know it’s sad to think about not being with the man whose babies you’re about to have, but it’ll be worse living with him

You need to get out

DD will be fine. Sure she’ll probably miss him at first, but in the long run he’s not going to be good to/for her either. She’s better off with just you!

PicsInRed · 28/09/2019 16:25

He's emotionally abusive and the mask has dropped because you're pregnant so he feels comfortable that he has you trapped.

You won't be the first partner he has said this or similar to and I will guarantee you that he thinks that no woman is good enough for him because he despises all women.

I'm sorry, but you will need to make plans to leave. I know you're exhausted, but as a mum already, you'll know that leaving will be practically easier before the births.

Do you have family nearby?

PicsInRed · 28/09/2019 16:25
Flowers
Raspberrytruffle · 28/09/2019 22:00

OP he is a dick, would you like me to pop over and give him a smack? I'd happily do it! He is basically spitting his dummy out and trying to guilt you because he cant have his own way. Stick to your guns lady Flowers

Original poster
Fakehair83 · 29/09/2019 00:04

Came to this family thing and as nice all night while he got drunk told him at 1140 I was leaving he was like seriously? Yes seriously I’m exhausted and have an hours drive home. I said I’d go get the car it is a 5 min walk away but over a bridge and down a dark enough path in a town I don’t know and it’s pouring rain. And he said ok text me when your outside...I’m in the car debating whether to drive home and leave him there

OP posts:
stonefree · 29/09/2019 00:10

Leave him there

Etino · 29/09/2019 00:10

Bloody hell lass!!
Shame on him and also not impressed at the latest of his family letting you fetch the car alone. Sad

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