Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

How many of you have had a one night ‘free pass’ from your marriage?

101 replies

Blueberry001 · 27/09/2019 00:20

Question in the title.

One night, with someone else, nothing else after and never would be, not discussed further?

OP posts:
LizzieSiddal · 27/09/2019 09:01

Agree with Hellbells,
Try to work out things between you, going off and shagging someone else is not going to help you as a couple.

Butterymuffin · 27/09/2019 09:10

Tell him you'll want your turn first.

Pinkbonbon · 27/09/2019 09:11

Sounds like he has been talking with someone already and wants to sleep with her.

I'd be out the door if my partner suggested it. Fair enough suggesting a some time away from each other to travel or something but not to cheat.

Ringdonna · 27/09/2019 09:14

We just have an open marriage, loads of free passes Wink

AtrociousCircumstance · 27/09/2019 09:15

He’s already cheated and wants to do it again.

Legomadx2 · 27/09/2019 09:20

I would LTB

My husband would never suggest this. It's it what either of us wants. If we did want this sort of thing we wouldn't have bothered getting married in the first place.

Good luck OP. Not nice for you at all.

Legomadx2 · 27/09/2019 09:20

It's *not what either of us wants

AnyFucker · 27/09/2019 09:22

He is assuming there is a plethora of men and women all waiting and ready for a one night stand with no build up or consequences

Unless he is suggesting you each engage the services of a prostitute ?

Fookinwot · 27/09/2019 09:22

He’s shagging someone else or is planning to and is trying to make himself feel better about it.

JustmeandtheKIDS2 · 27/09/2019 09:41

I think if you enter into a relationship and both agree this then it's fine. But for one side to want it once a long term relationship has gone a bit stale is something different.
Be careful it's not something you agree on just to "keep him". I say that from experience as my now ex husband tried to cohurse me into agreeing to a different kind of relationship and I nearly agreed as I was terrified of loosing him. In the end I kicked him out and his true colours have shone through and its not pretty! I now realise how manipulate he was. And yes he did have someone else lined up.

Funghi · 27/09/2019 09:46

How do you feel about it, OP?

BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack · 27/09/2019 09:56

Oh dear, he really is doing a number on you isn't he.

If things have gone stale between you, you do things together to try and get it going again. Even thinking that adding others into the equation will help is madness. All it will do is make it new, exciting and wonderful and make your relationship seem even more stale and dull. Sounds like your DH is heading for an affair but looking for justification
and then when it all goes tits up he can pacify himself and others by saying that he was honest blah blah blah. Stupid man!

Deadringer · 27/09/2019 09:58

Yes that will improve your marriage, him shagging someone else. Hell no!

Loopytiles · 27/09/2019 10:01

Sounds like he’s already having a full or emotional affair. His attention being elsewhere is hardly going to help your marriage.

To be fair, at least he’s (now) telling you! So you have options.

greenwitch1 · 27/09/2019 10:01

How long have you been together? Have there been other issues in your relationship?

It's a massive hell nope from me. And we're certainly not averse to trying new things. But absolutely no way. I know open relationships work for some people (however this in itself sounds odd as the 'never speaking of it again' is just asking for trouble) but I think this would be the beginning of the end, for me anyway.

Loopytiles · 27/09/2019 10:02

The best of which would be saying no to him overtly cheating and seeking to establish whether he’s shagged OW already

Not Just Friends by Shirley Glass might be useful.

SpoonBlender · 27/09/2019 10:06

We included permanent 'free pass' in our relationship from the start, twenty years ago. We've both used it once - conditions are 'not with someone you'll run off with - sex but not relationships' and 'barrier protection'.

summersolstice43 · 27/09/2019 10:12

I'm allowed 1 free pass with my celebrity crush if the opportunity ever arose but that's pretty much it.

CTRL · 27/09/2019 10:17

I’ve never done it OP and don’t think I would.
I feel that’s a slippery slope and it’s not something I would be comfortable with if I were in your situation.

Either try and perk up your sex life abit, but if you and your partner aren’t sexually compatible and your not happy - call it a day.

LaurieFairyCake · 27/09/2019 10:18

Dude, it's not a 'concept' - your husband has SOMEONE LINED UP TO FUCK!

A 'concept' is that jokey "Who's on your list game" Confused

Basil90 · 27/09/2019 10:24

Ask him how he'll feel about the three month no sex period following his encounter (the period he'll need to wait before he can take a hiv test)

flossletsfloss · 27/09/2019 10:42

Yuk

WestEndWendie · 27/09/2019 10:54

WTAF? You've said you're open to it. He's suggested it. What's the problem?

FWIW it sounds like you're both not really into each other. I'd be telling him to GTF for suggesting it. That would be the death knell for me but each to their own Confused

Baguetteaboutit · 27/09/2019 10:56

The film was called “Hall Pass” and starred Owen Wilson and it was dreadful

Agreed. Op, if your dh's idea is half as bad as the movie then you'll all die of boredom before you break open the popcorn.

Whattodoabout · 27/09/2019 10:57

No I would not accept this, at all ever. Period.