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Relationships

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Original poster

How many of you have had a one night ‘free pass’ from your marriage?

101 replies

Blueberry001 · 27/09/2019 00:20

Question in the title.

One night, with someone else, nothing else after and never would be, not discussed further?

OP posts:

Sadiesnakes · 27/09/2019 00:57

He's got one foot out of your relationship op, he's just looking for a push..

2018SoFarSoGreat · 27/09/2019 00:58

Nope. I don't live in a movie nor am I the protagonist in a book. My life and marriage are real.

Are you reading a good book or watching a movie that inspired this thread?

FenellaVelour · 27/09/2019 01:04

Have you been watching Black Mirror?

Rachelle11 · 27/09/2019 01:09

My friend's exdh suggested an open marriage when it turned out he had been cheating. She met someone while "exploring" and married this person and had two kids.

helacells · 27/09/2019 01:17

Every mans dream

snitzelvoncrumb · 27/09/2019 01:18

Are you ok op? That must be upsetting. It does sound like he has someone in mind already. I would say no, even if you are open to it just to gauge his reaction. If he keeps mentioning it you will know he has someone lined up. How would it work, you you just have one night to go out and be with someone, or a one free pass in general?
Do you think your relationship would survive it? There are much better ways to spice up a relationship.

Everafter1 · 27/09/2019 01:34

No.

It is a possibility there's more to it OP.

Sounds like he could have his eye on someone or she has her eye on him & will be able to go for it guilt free.

You'd need to seek out someone you're probably not as into as he is her to even it out.

Or...he could just want out

Do you really want this?

rvby · 27/09/2019 01:40

Dp had a permanent hall pass / free pass and I have the same. Haven't bothered but it's possible for us. I love him as he is, if he wants to explore another relationship that's fine. If he ends up wanting to leave me for her, I'd assume there was a very good reason and wish him luck. I was the same with my ex

It's possible op, but I do think it's one of those things best discussed and agreed at the outset of the relationship not several years in.

HarissaPaste · 27/09/2019 01:41

The film was called “Hall Pass” and starred Owen Wilson and it was dreadful.

Whatever works for you, OP. But yes, it does sound like your husband has his eye on someone because you’d have to look like Tom Hardy (or whoever is the hottie these days) to be in with a chance of a guaranteed pull in one night off.

Mothership4two · 27/09/2019 01:48

Sounds like a disaster waiting to happen and that he has possibly got someone lined up for a potential affair. How happy would he be if you had a ONS and how is one ONS going to improve a stale sex life anyway? Things may have got a bit pedestrian, but you really don't want to be throwing in possible feelings of jealousy and mistrust. If you are having problems within your marriage, why look outside the marriage to resolve it?

Mothership4two · 27/09/2019 01:50

Also sounds like tv series Wanderlust

TheNumberOneSourceOfEverything · 27/09/2019 01:53

It sounds like your husband wants to cheat and for you to not complain about it.

My husband is free to fuck who he wants. I can't stop him and if that's what he wants that's what he will do. But he absolutely wouldn't be married to me and if I'm totally honest, him asking me to give him permission to fuck someone else and promise to never bring it up would be the end of our marriage anyway and I suspect if asked him to give me permission to fuck another man and him not complain about it afterwards he'd feel the same. I'd rather work on our issues out and separate if one of us isn't happy.

If you're both comfortable and happy with you both fucking other people that's one thing but the making the other promise to never mention is massively unfair. He might feel ok with having sexual with other men now but after the event he may find he actually regrets suggesting it and then struggle with jealousy. You might feel hurt afterwards and if you can't discuss it and work through it then it's just a nail in the coffin of your marriage. It absolutely should be allowed to be discussed afterwards, you can't know how you'd feel after the fact, the making someone promise to never bring it up again seems like the person asking know their spouse isn't 100 per cent on board imo.

whitebowls · 27/09/2019 04:22

Many, many years ago I told my DH he is free to go with whoever he wishes. Only one condition and that is that he spends no money when he's with 'her'.
Still reiterate this occasionally.
He's never done it.

Preggosaurus9 · 27/09/2019 04:29

So to help his relationship with his wife he wants to shag someone who is not his wife?

Nope still not getting the logic there. What a lying cunt.

MsDogLady · 27/09/2019 04:48

It sounds like he has a hidden agenda. Don’t let him manipulate you.

Purpleartichoke · 27/09/2019 05:01

I just don’t see how this could positive for a marriage. You would need to abstain from sexual contact for 3 months after until you got a definitive clean std test.

LucyC16 · 27/09/2019 05:10

A free pass would not be a free pass. Both of you would surely be racked with the same emotions if it had been a random one night stand behind each other’s back.
The trust can never be regained.

Chupchup · 27/09/2019 05:16

@47Redshoeblueshoe what happened with the affair? I didn't know about that.

Sexnotgender · 27/09/2019 05:27

He sounds like he has his free pass all lined up and ready to go!

This is not normal OP and I’d be very wary if I were you.

Orangepearl · 27/09/2019 07:18

A free pass for warts? No thanks it’s not Halloween yet.

JustTurtlesAllTheWayDown · 27/09/2019 07:49

Not a single free pass, but I've had a couple of open relationships, one worked very well (still going now), one not so much.
I dont think the 'dont talk about it' option works very well imo, and just once isn't going to satisfy him if he really wants to do it.
It can work but you both need to be fine with it and need to be open about your feelings, and how it's going to work. You also need to be open about talking about safe sex and condoms, and getting tested if you're going to do it often.
I agree with other posters that he's probably got someone in mind.
OP, you need to decide how you feel about it. It can work for some people, but definitely not for everyone.

LizzieSiddal · 27/09/2019 08:49

DH has suggested it.

Oh dear

randomusername · 27/09/2019 08:51

Your husband is pulling a fast one, never heard of it. He wants to cheat on you, doesn't want to lie to you but wants his cake and eat it too. Ridiculous, it's not a thing.
I'd be concerned he'd cheat regardless.

Spinderellacutituponetime · 27/09/2019 08:55

If ‘things are not working’ as you posted then hardly think a one night stand is going to solve that. Perhaps couple counselling would be a better bet? Personally I’d be appalled if my DH suggested that as an answer.

hellsbellsmelons · 27/09/2019 08:59

We’re both a bit stale I suppose - were very open and frank - right now it’s not working but it’s not to say we won’t recover from this patch
We it won't help if you both cheat.

I really don't get it.
You need to re-kindle not go off and shag someone else.
Get yourselves some counselling.
Sex therapy may also help.
But cheating to help you through a bad patch - NOT A CHANCE!

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