Husband has ‘secret’ child

[Hesthedad]

A woman has contacted my husband on FB to say that he is the father of her 12 year old. She admits that she wanted a child but not a partner so she didn’t tell him when she was pregnant but now the daughter wants to get to know her father.
My husband seems to just believe her - I feel we should ask for a DNA test but he seems convinced.
We have been together for ten years, married for eight and have two children. He wants to meet the girl but the whole situation just makes me feel sick. It’s all so out of the blue.

@Jkl37 sounds tough. Why don't you start a thread, see you on there.

You don’t need to deal with this kid or your husband as if all this mess was the product of your husband been a cheater. That is not the case, so you don’t need to go in full rejection mode. The kid was here BEFORE you and your kids, she and her mum had not given your DH any worry or demanded any help so no need to get all in protective mood, and yes, he may have also wanted a girl but that doesn’t mean he is going to disown his boys, when it comes to be a parent love us not divided but multiplied. Don’t ruin this, if you get nasty, your husband might start to resent you and change the way he looks at you.

To give you some perspective, even if they asked for financial help, that would only amount to 15% net salary of your husband minus deductions for the children he has already at home. You can search CMS calculator to find out how this can affect you financially. I think it is ok to ask for a DNA test in a way that is not damaging, but your DH may be reluctant to do so if she is the spitting image of him.

The kid was here BEFORE you and your kids Don’t ruin this, if you get nasty, your husband might start to resent you and change the way he looks at you.. Am assuming you are trying to be supportive somehow??

Yes, in the long run her current attitude may end up damaging her relationship. It is a shock to the system but if the child is his daughter, the girl didn’t cause any of this, her husband didn’t cheat and the girl’s mum has not asked for anything for 12 years even when she could have started claiming maintenance since 12 years ago.

I cant for life of me think why mh cant just auto lock threads that haven’t been posted on for 6 months.

Having read I want to know what happened...