Is it wrong to tell your partner you don't like the way they look?

[IamAporcupine]

I was helping DH to cut his hair. He was topless, and I looked at him and noticed how much his body has changed. It really upsets me, but I do not like it.

Just to clarify - the change is intentional, it is not something that has just happened to him.

I feel awful, and I do not know how to deal with it.

@BogglesGoggles - interesting.

Honestly if that's what he wanted to do to his own face, that's up to him.

He hasnt every been attracted to women with blonde hair. If I fancy going blonde, I will.

Ok let's rephrase - how would you feel if he said 'I find it unattractive how you dont take care of your body and dont value exercise. I am starting to find you unattractive and for me, I would like you to change'

Was so tempting to post

'Op, that is my dp....I find you so offensive'

Purely as a joke.

how would you feel if he said 'I find it unattractive how you dont take care of your body and dont value exercise. I am starting to find you unattractive and for me, I would like you to change'

We were doing quite well, until the 'for me, I would like you to change' which again, adds a connotation that it is not what I am talking about.

If we leave that bit out, I would be ok if he said that to me. It won't be nice to hear, and I'd be hurt, of course. I might do something about it or not, that will be up to me, but at least I would know what is going on!

Honestly if that's what he wanted to do to his own face, that's up to him.

I know it is up to him, but you have not told me how you would feel.

I would feel very 'meh'.

You are asking him to change. You said you are asking him to stop changing. Therefore you are asking him to change.

I'm not into the big muscle look either.

I wouldn't necessarily tell him you don't like how he looks. If you're feeling it's changing your relationship or your concerned he's become obsessed then that could be brought up. I think it would just need to be done with a lot of tact.

He's exercising twice a day you say. That's quite obsessive! I don't find skinny or very overweight guys attractive but anything else goes. Don't like the body building look either and I think it's quite ageing looking.

Having said that, when I'm attracted to someone how they look doesn't affect my attraction to them because it's about their personality. I know some people who are obsessive about their fitness and diet and will only have 1 glass of wine/one chocolate type thing once a month or so and such extreme isn't my thing.

I think if a couple have agreed to be monogamous, it's ok to tell the other if they are changing in a way that reduces how physically attracted their partner is to them. It's not ok to demand anything, but it is ok to tell them and let them decide whether it's important enough to change their choices.

@Blibbyblobby - that is how I see it too. And that is how I'd like to be treated too, ie I'd prefer to know before it is too late.

I'm not sure what I will do anyway. I need to see how I feel in general.

Thank you everyone