Partner has put on weight, would you say anything?

[Bookaholic73]

My partner has put on quite a bit of weight over the last few months and to be honest it’s a bit of a turn off.
He says we should eat healthier, but then eats HUGE portions plus pudding and snacks.
He knows the problem is how much he eats, but doesn’t seem to put any effort in, even when he says the weight gain is bothering him.

He was annoyed because when we both weighed ourselves this week, he had gained another stone and I have lost a pound.

Would you say anything to your partner about the weight gain being a turn off?

Not a turn off, no. Go at it from the 'being worried about his health' angle

Gaining loads of weight over a few months is a bit odd if it's not happened before. Is he emotionally eating, do you think?

Making this about you and how aroused (or not) you are about his looks is really fucking gross and horribly self absorbed. Get a bloody grip. Not everything is about your arousal, so no I absolutely wouldn't mention that. There's no need at all anyway. He's bringing up his diet and weight, have a conversation about it, make a plan, be supportive. Stop being a dick.

Really lay it on the line that the unhealthy eating needs to stop. You need to be on the same page regarding meal planning/shopping/cooking. Say you want to work together with him to benefit both of you. Me and OH have lost 7.5 stone between us in the last year. It was fun, enjoyable, easy because we both completely embraced the life change and it was team work.

I’ve tried the ‘worried about your health’ angle already. He has multiple health issues and keeps on saying he feels so much better when he eats less, and less junk food too.
But when it comes to it, he overeats, saying it tastes nice.

In regards to emotional eating, I don’t think so. He has always been a bit chunkier, but over the past few years he has packed it on a bit. But the past 3 months it’s more noticeable.

You need to approach this from a health standpoint because it is. His obesity can affect your life just as much as his and it's an issue that needs to be talked about and dealt with before it's near impossible to turn back.

@joystir59 I have already tried that. We sat down, wrote a meal plan, I eat healthy anyway so don’t make him go off track.

I’d want a partner to not faff with that, I’d want to know if a partner was losing sexual interest in me.
Tell him

@Aquamarine1029 I’ve already tried that.
As much as his physical appearance is starting to bother me, it’s his general lazy attitude about it that’s bothering me. I don’t understand how he can not be bothered enough to do something about it.

Ok time to take a firmer line then - DH has portion control issues and does a lot better if i take a bit of control when we're trying to lose a bit of weight (i do all the cooking)

So i dish his dinner up and tell him he can't have seconds and don't buy snacks/pudding/treats.

If he goes for seconds/pudding remind him about how he told you he feels better if he doesn't overeat. It will feel a bit naggy but it might help.

I wouldn’t say anything if my partner put on weight, I love them for the person they are, not just what they look like, so it wouldn’t bother me, if it bothers you though maybe you should say something.

I agree with @NameChangeNugget. You've tried the health thing, you've tried being supportive. It's time for the hard truth. His weight is putting you off.

@Gogreen I love him for who he is, of course I do. I’m worried about why he isn’t taking better care of himself, and how much the extra weight is effecting him mentally.
And yes, his massive belly is a bit of a turn off.

I agree with being very honest and being a bit brutal about cooking/portion control. Why does he overeat if it isn't for emotional comfort?

@ItsJustTheOneSwanActually lol I tried this yesterday and tonight with dinner, but then he went and just ate the rest of the leftovers anyway.
I don’t want to act like his mother, telling him what he can and can’t eat.
I want him to care about his health and appearance enough to do it.

@NameChangeNugget yeah I think I’ll be a bit more tactful than my post is coming across. But I need to tell him that his weight is an issue.

I think people who claim that they aren't bothered by partners putting on loads of weight are lying. How can it not bother you? Aren't you concerned about their health? Are you really turned on by blobby? We as a nation have completely lost touch with normal.portions of healthy food and normal sized and shaped people.

Exactly Joy, I would be horrified if I gained that amount of weight, and would definitely expect my partner to say something.

I'm not sure if you're having a laugh or not, but you know rhe huge sensitivity on here over gaining weight if you're a member for any length of time,

For many it's something that must never be mentioned, and you must pretend that love and physical attraction are the same thing.

Simply this is the unmentionable.

Definitely not having a laugh.

Thing is, when I gained half a stone last year, he constantly took the piss!
Then when I lost the weight, he didn’t even attempt to lose weight with me!

It's worse when it's the woman who gains weight, but generally you're supposed to want to fuck someone because you love them, like some form of mythical, magical experience, and their physical appearance become irrelevant in mumsnet land. Not wishing to fuck them makes you shallow and apparantly means you don't love them.

My ex put on a lot of weight, so much that he ended up with a 38 inch waist. I don’t find very over weight men attractive, I didn’t love him any less, but anything sexual ended up being very forced on my part, which isn’t healthy in a relationship.

I was worried about his health, I was right to be as well as he ended up being diagnosed with type two diabetes. I told him my worried and essentially forced him to have a diabetes screen, for which he called me a selfish prick for worrying about his health.

@ISmellBabies we have had countless conversations about it. I’ve been nothing but supportive.
I don’t see how pretending I’m ok with it helps him?
Would you not want to know if your partner was turned off by something you could change?

I wouldn’t say anything as I think it’s insensitive (depending on your relationship) but it indicates that he’s stopped caring about his looks and it’s no longer a big deal to be attractive to you. That’s the bigger concern.
A spouse who adds a lot of weight over a short period of time is too comfortable and it will lead to issues if you’re still focused on being healthy and attractive.

Thing is, when I gained half a stone last year, he constantly took the piss!

In that case, you’re within your rights to have a go back. You clearly have that sort of relationship

@Bluntness100 yeah, I’ve seen that bullshit response on other weight loss forums online. I love my partner, but he isn’t doing it for me physically. Thing is, I know he can change it.