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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

is he genuine

74 replies

Flute56 · 16/09/2019 00:39

I recently got talking to a bloke online. He seems polite and friendly and he said I am a lovely person and he loves talking with me. However he has a girlfriend but they have not been dating for long. He says he has one or two misgivings about the relationship but he is still with her. We have chatted about 4 times and each time he says he loves chatting with me and that he could chat with me for hours and that I am a top person etc. He says he thinks of me as a very good friend. Should he really be saying all this to me when he has a girlfriend? He has not been online for 10 days and I miss our chats. Surely if he liked chatting with me as much as he says then he would have been online sooner to see if i was around for chatting or at least send me a message. If he is not really into his girlfriend then he should either sort it out or end things before pursuing another woman. The last time he was on line he said he was on holiday abroad and in the middle of the conversation he suddenly disappeared. When I said oh what happened to you, you were typing a message to me and then suddenly vanished, all he said was oh it could not have been that important because I cannot remember what I was typing about. He made no reference to the fact that he disappeared It was very early in the morning and I was wondering whether he was on holiday with his girlfriend and she woke up and he suddenly left the internet because otherwise she would have seen him chatting to someone and asked about it. I may be completely wrong but why else would someone just go like that without a word unless their computer crashed and then if that was me I would reboot and continue the conversation. Is he a player to me and perhaps to her> He seems so polite and not one of the usual perverts you get in a chat room

OP posts:
Jason118 · 16/09/2019 00:51

He's married.

Aquamarine1029 · 16/09/2019 00:53

He's an insufferable twat who is cheating on his partner and stringing you along. Why on earth would you want to have anything to do with a fuckwit like that?

Rachelover60 · 16/09/2019 00:55

He can chat to whomever he likes as can you but for goodness sake, don't think he is your dear friend. You've never met him!

avamiah · 16/09/2019 00:58

Forget him , he’s a loser.
I wouldn’t recommend chatting to guys online.
Join a meet up club, were there are different meet ups , bars, walks, clubs , cinema .

Mythreefavouritethings · 16/09/2019 01:23

Come away from men and do some serious work on your self-esteem. This is the wake-up call, you get the choice between accepting this kind of crap and finding some self-respect, otherwise you are going to end up very, very lonely or, worse, stuck with a lying, deceitful little cretin.

Flute56 · 16/09/2019 02:06

I did think it was cheating but when I spoke to a friend of mine she did not think so because all he was doing was chatting to me online and she said even people in relationships have friends of the opposite sex. I said to her but he said he could chat to me for hours and he should be saying that to her not me because she is his girlfriend so my friend said then obviously he prefers chatting to you....... so why is he still with her? He also said to me during our chat..... do you have a bloke in your life or someone who is interested in you and I said no not at the moment and then he said I am surprised because you are such a nice person

OP posts:
Flute56 · 16/09/2019 02:18

I had another chat with a bloke online and after just one chat he wanted to know what I wore to sleep in at night or if i slept with nothing on. I got rid of him right there and then. The bloke with the girlfriend has never asked me anything like that so I thought he was a polite person and mainly talks about the weather and films and television and music. Most men steer the conversation into a sexual one

OP posts:
1forAll74 · 16/09/2019 02:29

Are you very young? you don't seem to have much experience with the many odd ways of some men. Just don't bother about this one. Stop trying to decipher his way of chatting and what he says to you.

SleepWarrior · 16/09/2019 02:41

What do you want from him? If it's a potential relationship, then forget it because he's clearly the kind who will do things secretly behind your back with no qualms.

If it's a friend to chat with then don't be fooled. This guy is building up to the same as the sleazy blokes, he just plays a longer game and possibly does enjoy chatting along the way.

Bin.

LiveInAHidingPlace · 16/09/2019 03:15

If he does this to her, why do you think he won't do it to you?

Cos you're different/special? Don't kid yourself, these kinds of men see one person as being different and special and it sure as shit isn't any of the women they string along.

Sadiesnakes · 16/09/2019 03:21

User name checks out.🙄

Pinkbonbon · 16/09/2019 03:24

Let's put it this way, if you chatted with someone a few times and never even met them in person would you be telling THEM shit like 'you're such a nice person'? Of course not! Because you don't even know them!

He's a sweet talking love bombing bullshitter who thinks its OK to flirt with other women even though he has a gf. And he TOLD you he had a gf to test your boundaries. It sounds like he has vanished now anyway but I wouldn't be surprised if he appears again some point soon (probably when his gf is away for the week or something) acting as if he never vanished (some crap excuse) and flirting away again.

Of course he's a player. Block him and forget him.

Monty27 · 16/09/2019 04:36

You and his gf are probably just the tip of the iceberg

Oysterbabe · 16/09/2019 06:05

You've never even met this guy, he probably looks like a troll. He's just passing the time and massaging his ego chatting to you.
You seem impressed with him because he hasn't yet sent you a picture of his dick. Raise the bar and block him.

user1471504234 · 16/09/2019 07:13

Aside from all the other red flags, the one that leaps out at me is that you have chatted online 4 times and he says he thinks of you as a ‘very good friend’ - that alone shows there’s something not right with him. I’d be running for the hills.

Username22344 · 16/09/2019 07:44

How old are you and him? Why are you even replying when you know he has someone?

Bananalanacake · 16/09/2019 07:49

don't give him any money if he asks.

AmIThough · 16/09/2019 07:58

What website did you meet him on?

Flute56 · 16/09/2019 08:04

In the course of his conversations with me he says he is a religious man who attends church every Sunday. I said I am also religious and he said that is good so I felt we both had that in common. One of his messages to me said hello I had a lovely day. I went to Mass and listened to some lovely organ playing. I then wrote back and said oh I am into music I play piano so he then wrote and said thats wonderful you are both religious and musical. The very last message I wrote was to ask him what he would do if I disappeared from the online chat. I was testing the waters to see if I decided to leave the chat site would he think oh well thats the end of that or would he say ok I would like to chat further so here is my email address or you can text me because I would not like to lose contact.

Yes I have only really chatted to him 4 times but I would not go and meet someone after 4 chats. I would have to chat to the person for a lot longer before I agreed to meet up. Why is it always blokes to get blasted for playing around online? I am sure women do it too. I am sure there are some married women or women with boyfriends who go in chat rooms and flirt with a guy

OP posts:
AmIThough · 16/09/2019 08:06

@Flute56 he sounds really weird

Flute56 · 16/09/2019 08:18

weird because he is religious? I actually knew someone years ago who was married and had an affair with another woman. He eventually left his wife and got divorced and married the woman he had an affair with and they have been together for 8 years. His ex wife has since met another man and married him.

OP posts:
AmIThough · 16/09/2019 08:21

No not because he's religious at all. I'd be interested to know what site you met on.

Weird because he sounds like he knows exactly what you want to hear and is stringing you and his gf along.

moonpiggle · 16/09/2019 08:23

Hes a cheat. So obviously not genuine.

KurriKawari · 16/09/2019 08:30

He's a married cheating catfish.

MaidenMotherCrone · 16/09/2019 08:35

No he's not genuine. He's telling you what you want to hear.