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Original poster

is he genuine

74 replies

Flute56 · 16/09/2019 00:39

I recently got talking to a bloke online. He seems polite and friendly and he said I am a lovely person and he loves talking with me. However he has a girlfriend but they have not been dating for long. He says he has one or two misgivings about the relationship but he is still with her. We have chatted about 4 times and each time he says he loves chatting with me and that he could chat with me for hours and that I am a top person etc. He says he thinks of me as a very good friend. Should he really be saying all this to me when he has a girlfriend? He has not been online for 10 days and I miss our chats. Surely if he liked chatting with me as much as he says then he would have been online sooner to see if i was around for chatting or at least send me a message. If he is not really into his girlfriend then he should either sort it out or end things before pursuing another woman. The last time he was on line he said he was on holiday abroad and in the middle of the conversation he suddenly disappeared. When I said oh what happened to you, you were typing a message to me and then suddenly vanished, all he said was oh it could not have been that important because I cannot remember what I was typing about. He made no reference to the fact that he disappeared It was very early in the morning and I was wondering whether he was on holiday with his girlfriend and she woke up and he suddenly left the internet because otherwise she would have seen him chatting to someone and asked about it. I may be completely wrong but why else would someone just go like that without a word unless their computer crashed and then if that was me I would reboot and continue the conversation. Is he a player to me and perhaps to her> He seems so polite and not one of the usual perverts you get in a chat room

OP posts:
letsdolunch321 · 16/09/2019 08:43

My thought is the girlfriend/wife has found out he goes on line chatting to unsuspecting women.

Move on find a new hobby

AJPTaylor · 16/09/2019 08:52

"Chatting"
I assume you met through some sort of dating site. Cheat. He is being "up front" with you to see if you are up for sex with a married man.

Switchitoffthenonagain · 16/09/2019 09:13

So you’re trying to tell us that affairs work - hence the information about the married man you know. And obviously you’re implying that you’d be up for an affair with this man. That’s disgusting. And to think that you go to church too, clearly your morals are not in line with your religion.

Gemma1971 · 16/09/2019 09:49

You are either incredibly naive ... or trying to seek justification for meeting men with partners who claim not to be all that happy.

Or maybe just young.

Get some morals. No man comes "chatting" to women online because he wants to make "friends". Slippery slope... he's taking his time more than others, that's all.

And I have known more cheaters that go to church and claim to be staunch believers than people who go about their business and get on with life doing good instead of blowing the God trumpet and actions contradicting words.

Go out into the real world and meet single men if you are looking for sex or a relationship. You can't make friends with someone online... real friend are real physical entities. You have no idea who this person is either... He could be playing you for a complete fool and planning to scam you. Wise up. He has already tested your boundaries and you were fine about it. If you were my daughter I would be doubting my parenting skills and giving you a good talking to!

Gemma1971 · 16/09/2019 10:10

ps the reason you haven't heard from him is he is with his wife/girlfriend.

I could claim to be Elle MacPherson with a Bentley in the drive and a mansion in California, but I'm not... but how would you know.. maybe I am... maybe not.... Come on OP, get out into the real world.

This man is probably some ancient mariner of Lord knows what..... 50 something hoping to cop off or get online sex and boobs by webcam at some point while his wife is out.

Take it from us lot who are a little older than you, this is how players and liars operate. It's no different to any other online con, except he wants titillation and cheating rather than cash. Or maybe he does want cash... who knows.... but there are so many cacky sites out there for people to pretend to be something they are not.

And even if you have video chatted and he is young and cute, he is still a turd for telling you he is with someone and already stating he is not happy. Not your fucking problem lol. HIS. But garnering sympathy is one of the first steps to someone seeing how empathic and pliable you are = willing to cheat... because he isn't happy... That's on HIM. NEXT!!!! BOUNDARIES AND SELF-RESPECT!!!

Whoever he is, we live in a world packed with people. Go out and mingle and stay away from cretinous examples of humanity like this one. He's pathetic.

Zaphodsotherhead · 16/09/2019 11:18

What site are you 'chatting' on, OP? If it's to do with a hobby, then he is massively overstepping boundaries telling you all about his previous relationships. If it's a dating site, then he's massively overstepping boundaries by dating (or attempting to) when he's not single.

What does this tell you about this man?

MrsGarethSouthgate · 16/09/2019 11:24

I'd be more concerned that he is feeling you into a 'close friendship', with a view to asking you for money later down the line. Small amount initially, just to test the water.

MrsGarethSouthgate · 16/09/2019 11:25

*reeling not feeling.

Original poster
Flute56 · 16/09/2019 19:53

I found him on the site just chat. I would NEVER part with money to any bloke and why would a bloke ask for money anyway? Payment for services rendered? I am not that type of person. I said that I got rid of another bloke who wanted to know what I wore to bed so I knew where that conversation was heading so that means that I have my head screwed on

OP posts:
Username22344 · 16/09/2019 20:30

It’s women like you that makes it easy for men to cheat!

Original poster
Flute56 · 16/09/2019 21:12

I am not looking for a relationship. Just someone to talk to that is all.

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 16/09/2019 21:15

You have your head screwed on ?

I beg to differ

Original poster
Flute56 · 16/09/2019 21:16

ok you beg to differ then why would I block a man who asked me what I wore to bed?

OP posts:
Original poster
Flute56 · 17/09/2019 03:15

I chatted this over with a friend and she said she does not see the bloke did anything wrong. He is entitled to live his life and have friend and she does not think he is stringing me along at all. She said sometimes you click with people straight away and she feels this is what has happened here, however I am a bit more cynical and before I truly call someone a friend I need to know much more about them because I have been in situations before where I think I know someone and things happen that make me question. My friend then went on to say you cannot have it all ways,,, you want to know everything about him but have you told him everything about you?

OP posts:
PutyourtoponTrevor · 17/09/2019 05:58

He's in a relationship, why are you even bothering, I feel so sorry for his partner. Grow the fuck up and find someone who's single

Alicewond · 17/09/2019 06:03

He’s playing you, he may or may not but in a relationship but you aren’t special to him. Other than a trophy or a bit of fun. He’ll never be who you want him to be because in real life he’s sitting in a chat room in his boxer shorts laughing he’s made you believe he’s real

Candace19 · 17/09/2019 06:09

Is your self esteem low ? No other viable options ? x

AnyFucker · 17/09/2019 07:37

You don't want him to be your "friend" though, do you ?

category12 · 17/09/2019 07:47

You're not very true to your religious values, are you?

Grandadwasthatyou · 17/09/2019 07:50

You still haven't said how old you are ..you sound immature in your thoughts and the way you write.

PicsInRed · 17/09/2019 07:55

OP, is your question to MNers whether being a homewrecker is fine? And the acceptable answer from the hivemind is "sure, all's fair in love and war!"?

Am I close?

Sagradafamiliar · 17/09/2019 08:00

Why the fuck do you seem to think you have a claim or any chance romantically over some taken bloke you've chatted to a handful of times online? Get a grip.

Sagradafamiliar · 17/09/2019 08:02

He's not even your friend. It's not a friendship, it's someone you've chatted to online. Some people shouldn't be in the internet until they can distinguish reality from fiction. Are you old enough to even be online?!

Sagradafamiliar · 17/09/2019 08:03

On* (some people shouldn't be allowed until they've had their coffee either...)

Cecilandsnail · 17/09/2019 08:15

You're being very naive to the point of stupid here I'm afraid. Look at the basic facts. He is investing hours of his time outside of his relationship talking to another woman. That is cheating. He's also very manipulative. He's read his audience well here, because he's telling you exactly what you want to hear and he's reeled you right in. He's essentially love bombing you. Compliments, claims of shared interests etc.have blinded you to the point that you're failing to see the situation for what it is. Even if this is totally above board (it's not!), do you really feel comfortable with having someone else's boyfriend investing so much time in you? Would you feel happy if you had a boyfriend who spent hours chatting to another woman? He's a creep.