Is my DH creepy?

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We haven't had sex for 6 months. He barely touches me but after a few drinks he says things like " how much to get your tits out " which I normally just brush aside.

Last night the joke was wearing thin so I just said I really find it creepy and odd when you speak about me like that.

He was obviously in a mood and went to bed alone. I can take a joke but saying why don't you get naked is the worst come on I can think of.

He was like it the night before so I said maybe we just start with a kiss and a cuddle? For context we don't kiss now either. How can you go from nothing to just stripping naked. It seems crazy and feels cheap. If I criticise then he goes in a mood. There is a tension today but I honestly don't know how to talk to him and make him understand that sex starts before the bedroom with kindness and respect.

I do still have a sex drive so it's not me, it's just this awful situation. Any help would really be appreciated. I now feel edgy around him and like he's going to say some inappropriate comment or lunge at me.

hes treating you like prostitute. I wonder if he is used to sex being a transaction?

I would tell him to quit asking me to perform for money for him when ive made it quite clear I dont feel like it. Tell him youre not a prostitute and if he continues to treat you like one, then hes quite right, the relationship absolutely is a sham and he can fuck off

Accusing you of cheating ? Are you sure he isn't? Men love to create a "poor me" scenario when they are cheating to justify it to themselves.

Would suggest you see a Solicitor re your legal rights on the property and finances. You certainly cannot stay with such a man because of them. They are not going to say thanks mum to you either if you at all choose to stay with him.

Silent treatment from him to you is a further example of emotional abuse towards you.

Your partner sounds like an offensive and low brow guy, and I am not surprised that you don't want to live like this anymore. I am not sure if you have to live like this, or that you can split up at all.

Is his behaviour only like this after drinking, or is he horrible, and doesn't respect you,most of the time.? It's horrible that he demeans you in this way, it would be a killer in most partnerships.

What did he use to be like on the sex front? Was he always a bit awkward and 'teenager' about it?

I've recently split from a man who started out not able to do enough for me in bed, but who degenerated into foreplay being grabbing my tits. Almost as though he knew he had to pretend to be 'into' it to start with but very quickly it became like having sex with a teenage boy who had no idea of what he was supposed to do.

Your DH sounds as though he thinks that women are turned on in the same way as men - a bit of dirty talk and some suggestions are enough to get the juices flowing. He shows such a lack of appreciation of the finer points that I can't believe he wasn't always like this underneath.

Yes he is creepy

Poor you.

He doesn't like women
Any attempt by you to address problems becomes a power play to win at all costs
He is not interested in what you think or feel. He is interested in being on top.
He will break any rule and say anything hurtful to stay in control.

Seriously? Being alone is better than this.

Start making life plans OP. Get a job, get a better job, start secret saving, cash backs on shopping, start stashing expensive things like washing powder etc, get paperwork.

The door is that way. It is really sad, but the peace of being on your own is so much better than the endless abuse of these interactions.

Just to say, I've watched a LOT of porn (I've been a wanker all my life LOL) and I've never heard anyone say "Get your tits out" or "Get naked".

"Ooh baby, let's get you undressed so I can appreciate that beautiful ass", yes. I've heard similar in real life, but it's only after there is a clear understanding that we're about to have sex now. It's not how the conversation starts!

It sounds like your eyes have been opened by this thread and I know that must be painful. You don't need to make any decisions about staying or leaving right this minute. There are no deadlines here. I definitely second the idea of ringing Womens Aid and I'd also suggest getting counselling on your own to help you sort through your feelings.

@screamingladysutch has nailed it.

The creepy talk is the least of your problems op.

and accused me of sleeping with other men!
Here is your problem.
He's projecting.
He is probably sleeping with other people.
I'd do some snooping.
I'd be in touch with a good family solicitor and filing for divorce.
He sounds really creepy and vile.
He's a misogynistic.

I think he's trying to victim blame...

You've brought something up, he's got embarrassed, tried to make you at fault, and now won't talk to you.

Does he have any erection problems? Or anything that would embarrass him

Or agreeing with @hellsbellsmelons he's projecting his wrong doings onto you.

Judging you by his own standards, or whatever the saying is

He's worse than creepy, he's an abusive, misogynistic arsehole. Sounds like a narcissist to me.

Unfortunately theres no point even trying to have a conversation with these types, they cannot hear you and don't care even if you manage to get them to 'see' your side.

Also agree with @hellsbellsmelons that he's likely projecting about the cheating.

This will never get better if you stay OP. Abusive men rarely change and will destroy yourself if you try to get him to.

I'd suggest watching all of her videos. It will give you alot of insight into what you are up against.

Be careful to cover your tracks with the YouTube vids. They can show up a list of 'favorites '

He must not know you are on to him
For your safety

Is he a bit of a geezer type OP? Sun reader? Sounds a bit like building site banter. Maybe he thinks he’s being funny and you pulling him up isn’t something he can cope with mentally because as we all know us ladies love this kind of banter and he’s a loveable geezer!! Except he really isn’t. I’m alarmed as well at him saying ‘how much’ , I suspect this is his idea of a joke but it’s really poor taste unless he is married to the kind of woman who gives as good as she gets and says £100 please and put it on the bedside first.

What a dick. Spell it out.
'I am not having sex with anyone else
I still have a sex drive
I am not having sex with you because there is zero emotional intimacy and affection and you make me feel cheap and used.

And you're a twat'

Sorry OP. Sounds like he's checked out.

You really need to speak to Women's Aid about the coercive control and to a solicitor on the quiet (ideally someone with experience in domestic abuse cases) regarding the house etc.

Thanks for raising that @Shouldbedoing, I think if you watch them when you are not signed into a youtube account then they won't show on your history so be sure to sign out first.

The issue is so much bigger than the sleazeball come ons.

It's the gaslighting, manipulation, silent treatment/stonewalling, projection and blame shifting that are the real issues here. These are all emotional abuse tactics, so spelling anything out to him about his behaviour will only make things worse.

He knows he's a controlling dickhead but he doesnt care. He gives your feelings as much thought as he would a blow up doll. He has no emapthy and doesnt care how you feel or what you say and shows this repeatedly by his actions.

The only way to improve your situation is to get out of this abusive relationship for not only your own sake, but that of your childs too.

He's got you in a double bind you can't win typical narc throw in some projection. Does he have a porn habit

Do you feel able to seek help from women's aid or similar, I'm sorry this is happening to you.

He sounds awful. You’re not a sex doll that he can just expect to use for his own convenience.

There was a moment when my Ex spoke about sex in such a selfish way that my enjoyment or needs never part of the conversation. My job was to put out whenever he wanted and it killed any desire I once had.

So sorry to hear this.

Has his personality changed suddenly?

I eventually had to at something to my.other half about this. It was always a comment about "getting naked" or "get an out" meaning my chest. Or he'd tell me there's something for me in his pants, I could go on. And where it used to be funny now 8 years on and woth a toddler in tow it's not funny anymore, it's cringe.
It was tougg and took sometime but i had to tell him how it made me feel and that it was such a turn off. His argument was that if he didn't make reference to sex then it wouldn't happen, which was a rubbish answer. It took sometime but it has changed and defo for the better.