New man

[Coops80]

Ok. I split from my husband 3 months ago. I’m 39 and he’s 43. We had been together for 14 years and married for 10. We have 2 girls aged 5 and 7. Last year I caught him talking to a woman on Facebook (he left himself signed in) and it was just general chat but complimenting her a lot. I confronted him and he wrote it off as banter which after a few weeks of being pissed off I accepted. Earlier this year I decided to check his phone and he’d been messaging a work colleague and it seemed more than messages. Anyway, to cut a long story short I finished with him and he moved out. Since then however he has made several attempts to reconcile with me and declares his undying love fairly often. The problem is around a month ago I met a guy through a mutual friend and we’ve got on quite well. He’s been really helpful to me and I’ve developed feelings for him. I’m now at the point where I’d like him to stay over and I’m considering asking him this however I’m not sure how to introduce him to the girls or explain to my husband I’m seeing someone as he will be upset. Also although we’ve kissed and I’m aware of what he has to work with lol we haven’t actually done it yet and I’m a bit nervous about that as I’ve been with the same man for so long and I don’t know if this is normal but I kind of feel I’d be cheating, particularly if I let him stay in my bed which still feels like a marital bed
Advice please lol

Lol he won’t

At the beginning of this thread you were talking about introducing the dc already, so you know what, I'd lay good money on it.

🤦‍♀️ christ

It's all making even more sense now

Oh no 🤦‍♀️
Op. No no no to this one .

A house share? At his age? Ffs. No. Just no. He's seen you coming.

Why is he living in a house share. Has he recently separated too? I would go into this with my eyes wide open and expect nothing other than some fun.

I'm dating someone who lives in a house share. I've been clear to him that his lack of suitable housing at his age is a no from me and it's a major reason we could never be anything more than casual. He pays for hotels as I wouldn't bring him here or introduce him to my kids.

My last relationship lived in a bed sit following his separation (god I can see a pattern!) but it was ok for an overnight stay!

With all due respect

You've been separated for 3 months from a 14 year marriage

Give yourself some time

You sound as if you are chomping at the bit for it all to move so quickly.

And he house shares? With friends? I'd be careful about all this. It's been a month.

It’s mad how quickly people judge. He separated 3 years ago from his wife (no kids) and she bought his part of their house. He’s banked that money and lives with friends in a house share

Think you’re getting a really hard time on this thread OP! It sounds like you are into this new guy and that’s great, there’s no rule about how long you have to be separated before you can date someone new. Enjoy it and just keep it separate from the kids for now. I understand what you mean about ‘the marital bed’ - that’s going to feel weird even if you are certain you don’t want to get back with your husband. It’s been your shared bed for a long time. Maybe don’t invite him to stay at yours for a while until it feels more normal? Stay at his if you can at first. I’d say no need to tell your husband at the moment, none of his business and you don’t need the grief that may come from it!

He has his own bedroom in the house share, surely.

How is that less private than having him share a bathroom and eat breakfast with your kids in the morning? Does he think the house share is less private? Did he object to having you over?

PPs are bang on the money. We've seen it enough times to read the signs like the morning paper.

Thank you Amy 😊

Picsinred I mean privacy in the way his friends will know we’re dating and I was advised to keep it secret for now

There's a difference to keeping it secret and announcing it to your dh and introducing him to your dc after a month .

If you're "keeping it secret" you'll be sneaking around and you won't be able to be seen anywhere, which will make it quite unhealthy and probably based on sex alone. You can be discreet and date like a normal person.

Missed words: just not announcing etc etc

Keeping it secret was said as your husband has no need to know as your children don't. It doesn't mean you can't stay at his place

So his ex wife bought his share of the house...so he just has that money sitting in the bank and chooses to house share?

So if you won't go there then that only leaves a few options doesn't it. So make sure he doesn't step foot in your house either

I'd be very very careful even more so now

If he's got all that Dosh sitting in the bank, surely he won't mind paying for a hotel so you can have a shag.

Well that particular obstacle has now been passed 🤭

Which one?

@Ginger1982 guessing they've had sex?

I think we are supposed to be impressed Newsflash: no one gives a shit if you shagged him blind. You sound like a teenager. I feel sorry for your kids. They need you right now seeing as their world and family has fallen apart but you won't be mentally or emotionally present for them as your focus will be on this new man who has car crash written all over him. You're just too naive and desperate to see it.

Congratulations