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Original poster

Would you tell your child or keep your greasy beak out?

74 replies

Barndoorbunny · 14/09/2019 08:01

My child (young adult) is in a large age gap relationship. I have found extensive information about this person buried online. I admit, it took some digging. Do I confess what I found (it's not great) or keep my greasy beak out as it's none of my business & just be here for them? I don't believe my child has the full facts of this other person.

OP posts:
KatnissMellark · 14/09/2019 08:03

What is the information? I don't think anyone can advise without knowing that.

PurpleDaisies · 14/09/2019 08:04

What did you find out?

Jozen · 14/09/2019 08:05

It depends what you found out.

Windydaysuponus · 14/09/2019 08:06

Please tell them. I was in a similar relationship and wish I had known the info.
Would have completely changed my future...

CherieBabySpliffUp · 14/09/2019 08:09

I think it would depend on what it was you found.

MyOtherProfile · 14/09/2019 08:09

Depends what it is.

PegasusReturns · 14/09/2019 08:10

Well of course it depends what you've found

MM29 · 14/09/2019 08:12

It would really depend on what it is. If it was something such as sexual assault/murder/child exploitation then absolutely yes.

ISmellBabies · 14/09/2019 08:12

Of course tell them what you know, why would you hide it?

Watchingthyme · 14/09/2019 08:14

Well obviously everyone here will want to know if we can’t answer your question Hmm

OneRingToRuleThemAll · 14/09/2019 08:14

Do you extensively do digging on all of your children's partners, regardless of age gap?

MrsMozartMkII · 14/09/2019 08:16

I'd tell my child irrespective of the child's age. What my child then did with the information would be entirely up to them.

DBML · 14/09/2019 08:18

She may already know, but they’ve decided not to tell you.

Unless it’s something regarding a criminal past, which is more than petty crime and which puts your daughter or any prospective children at risk, I’d say nothing. Your daughter has to make her own choices and learn from her own mistakes.

Winterlife · 14/09/2019 08:25

How old is your child? Is this his/her first serious relationship? How long have they been together?

I’d stay out of it for fear of driving my child even more into the arms of this lover.

Dollymixture22 · 14/09/2019 08:25

If your child is in danger tell them.

I this person is lying to your child and you know - tell them.

sleepynewmumxo · 14/09/2019 08:26

Unless it's something that would put her in danger, I'd keep your beak out.

ImNotYourGranny · 14/09/2019 08:27

I'd tell my daughter.

Original poster
Barndoorbunny · 14/09/2019 08:27

I don't want to say what I found as it's outing but it paints the other person in quite a poor light. I'm pretty sure my child is being kept in the dark by their partner.

OP posts:
kenandbarbie · 14/09/2019 08:27

I would tell them. You can say you stumbled across the info when you googled their name. Tell your child then it's up to them what they do. If they already know then they may just carry on regardless, if they don't then you have given them information to make an adult decision.

CherieBabySpliffUp · 14/09/2019 08:33

How is it outing to post what it is on an anonymous forum? Hmm

sanmiguel · 14/09/2019 08:34

Tell them.

TheJoxter · 14/09/2019 08:36

I googled my DP (large age gap) quite thoroughly before getting into a serious relationship with him. She may well already know these things.

Although when I got together with him a mutual friend of ours told us he’d been engaged before and was acting as if that was some awful thing that made him a bad person Hmm so it really does depend on what the thing is.

CloudyVanilla · 14/09/2019 08:36

There is literally no way telling us the subject matter to help advise is outing in any way.

Your definition of being “painted in a bad light” could be hugely over dramatic or massively minimising, unfortunately people just can’t advise you unless more context is given.

Charles11 · 14/09/2019 08:37

I would not hesitate to tell my child something major that I found out about their partner.

NerrSnerr · 14/09/2019 08:40

How can it be outing when you've had to dig online to find it and only you know you've done it? The only reason it would be outing would be if you've been gossiping about what you've found.