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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Scared to end it

62 replies

lookingforaunicorn · 13/09/2019 20:34

After some advice please.
I've been with my bf for 2.5 years. The first 10 months was bliss, I truly thought I'd found the one.
Then little cracks started appearing.

I should have dumped him ages ago but rose tinted glasses and potential got in the way.

Long story short, I'm miserable.
He is very selfish and stubborn and is a mommys boy - totally used to getting his own way and never got told growing up that anything was his fault. He was spoilt and cherished and still is.
As a bf he's a total jekll and hyde. One day it's all wonderful and the next he's vile to me.

I am going away on Monday for a week and I asked him if he was going to miss me. He didn't reply. So I said 'I'm sure you're going to miss my soft skin next to you each night'. He went mad. He said 'do you say these things so that I say them back to make you feel good? I don't want any more of your fluffy bullshit words. If I want to say nice things to you, I will.' I didn't respond but looking back on it, I think that's so mean.
I could go on and on but I think deep down I can't be in this relationship much longer- I need out. We argued on wednesday and he hasnt talked to me since!

I am nearly 31 and truly think I will never find a man who will love and respect me and want to move forward to building a life together.

My bf won't move in with me, never plans dates or going out, he doesn't lift a finger to organise holidays, we still split meals 50/50 or I pay, he constantly owes me money. For my 30th he told me he'd take me to vienna. Im nearly 31 and that's nowhere to be seen.

The reality is, I'm scared. I want to be a wife and a mum. And I just can't see it happening to me now 😕

OP posts:
category12 · 13/09/2019 20:38

You're only 31.

Dump this chap and give yourself a chance to find someone decent.

HollowTalk · 13/09/2019 20:41

Oh thank god you're not living with this complete waste of space.

You should be more scared of staying with a man like this - what a miserable bastard he is.

I would just freeze him out. He thinks he's ignoring you. Don't send him any messages or approach him at all. Do some interesting things now that will make you happy. When he comes crawling back (bewildered because nobody's ever stood up to him before) then tell him you wouldn't dream of seeing him again.

Bananalanacake · 13/09/2019 20:44

he won't move in with you? well thank God for that. all the more easier for you to cut him out of your life.

Bringiton2019 · 13/09/2019 20:49

You cannot stay with this vile man. You deserve better and Mr Right will come once you're ready and you're happy with yourself.

He's worn you down and you sound like your self esteem is rock bottom.

You must get away from him and you are worthy of so much better.

Be strong x

Newmumma83 · 13/09/2019 20:52

You don’t want a kid with this guy ... he won’t lift a finger and his personality is one I would want around a child., if you do have a kid with him and later get the courage to leave him your never rid of him because you have a kid together ...

Walk away ... no run .... at 32 my best mate met her now husband married at 35 years kid at 36 years .... I am 36 years just had my baby with my new husband ... you have time to find the right guy ... and right father for your children x

Thisismyusernamefornow · 13/09/2019 20:57

Please don't waste any more time with this unkind man.

Closetbeanmuncher · 13/09/2019 20:58

You should be more scared of continuing to waste the best years of your life on this arsehole.

Those dreams of yours could be a reality, but only if you get rid of the dead weight.

Original poster
lookingforaunicorn · 13/09/2019 21:00

Thank you ❤ I need to do it, I know I do. I'm just scared.

OP posts:
category12 · 13/09/2019 21:01

What are you scared of?

Original poster
lookingforaunicorn · 13/09/2019 21:03

He tells me he's the best man I'll ever get. What if he's right?

OP posts:
Original poster
lookingforaunicorn · 13/09/2019 21:04

I'm scared I'll never be a wife and a mother really....

OP posts:
Windmillwhirl · 13/09/2019 21:06

Wanting a family isn't a reason to stay with this horror. Surely you can see he treats you bad. Imagine a lifetime of this treatment.

Get out of this relationship pronto and work on your self esteem or you are going to accept and put up with more unworthy men.

category12 · 13/09/2019 21:08

He's having a laugh.

There are lots of decent men out there who will actually be nice to you.

You might want to do the Freedom Programme and a bit of counselling to reset your relationship boundaries and rebuild your self-esteem. Cos he's a prick and you can do better.

category12 · 13/09/2019 21:09

And time is still on your side for having children.

Make the jump.

TooMinty · 13/09/2019 21:19

The guys who say they're the best you'll ever get are usually the worst you'll have the misfortune to date... Move on x

UnicornsExist · 13/09/2019 21:22

I spent 12 years with a man just like that. I fell pregnant or I would never have got any commitment from him. I'm now trying to rebuild my life. Walk away now before he drags you down as low as my ex dragged me.

thewreckofthehesperus · 13/09/2019 21:22

He says that to keep you down and to stop you from leaving. There is someone better for you out there, someone who will build you up instead of tearing you down. Someone who will be kind and supportive.

Everyday you spend with this loser is keeping you from meeting that person. That life you want, can you picture it with him? Is he the type of father you want for your kids? I can assure you the more you're tied to him the worse he'll treat you. Abuse always ramps up when you marry and get pregnant as they think they have you trapped.

We've all kissed a few frogs but recognising what you dont want and moving on is so important. Think of your long term happiness. If you were to get pregnant and have his baby you'll have to deal with him for 18 years or more. You're worth more than this, move on from him and maybe look into the freedom programme before you start another relationship.

TheFaerieQueene · 13/09/2019 21:25

But if he won’t live with you you won’t be a wife if you stay with him.

Brot64 · 13/09/2019 21:38

He tells me he's the best man I'll ever get. What if he's right

Abusive narcissistic behaviour! Very untrue too! You will get someone else. Get rid of him. Cannot stand such men/ women!

di2004 · 13/09/2019 22:13

Light bulb moment!
Get out while you can. If he loved you he wouldn’t talk to you like shit.
What an apology for a man he is.
You will find love again x

BumbleBeee69 · 13/09/2019 22:22

Stop letting this vampire suck the life out of you OP, end this.

omg12345help · 13/09/2019 22:35

I literally could of wrote this myself!

I am in exactly the same position!

It's so hard 🤦🏻‍♀️

Ilikethemhotnearly40 · 13/09/2019 22:52

Get rid! Get well rid! You deserve so much better than this shit!

ellzebellze · 13/09/2019 23:05

He's an utter bastard. Of course he isn't the best chance you're going to get. He is destroying your self-esteem, and it will only get worse.

Get away from this nasty abusive arsehole.

Debrons · 13/09/2019 23:25

Just don’t contact him anymore. He’s no good. Don’t message him at all. Go silent. If for nothing else just to see if he makes any moves to contact you at all.