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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Husband has list of improvements for me in the bedroom...

63 replies

Debbierocket123 · 12/09/2019 15:22

We were having a conversation the other day about how one of our mutual friends had cheated on his wife and I jokingly said to my husband that if he had any complaints (in the bedroom) he should let me know and he responded with "I have a list of things!". He said he was joking at the time but I haven't stopped thinking about it since. He says he's happy with me but I get the feeling he isn't... any advice would be appreciated.

OP posts:
BeanBag7 · 12/09/2019 15:25

We he doesnt actually have a list does he. He was joking and you started it by suggesting he should let you know.
If he came to you the following day with a written list you would be right to be upset, but I really think you're just reading too much into a jokey comment

Hopoindown31 · 12/09/2019 15:26

Sounds like a joke to me. What makes you think he is unhappy?

Original poster
Debbierocket123 · 12/09/2019 15:28

I can't go into details here but when a man gets older, not everything works as well as it used to. He asked me to do a dance for him to help the situation but I can't do that every time. It's making me feel rubbish and unattractive.

OP posts:
NorthEndGal · 12/09/2019 15:28

He was joking
If you feel you aren't enjoying it as you would like, then speak with him about how feel

Tooner · 12/09/2019 15:30

A bloody dance.....like a sexy dance?

ArsenicChip · 12/09/2019 15:31

Perhaps read some of the replies to your other thread.

AutumnCrow · 12/09/2019 15:31

Goodness, another thread in Relationships this afternoon mentioning sex and 'dancing'.

Ohyesiam · 12/09/2019 15:33

Firstly it sounds like a joke.
Second, he is trying to get himself to be able to perform, from what you are saying.
Third, it might be hard to hear, but is it so wrong to ask for what we want? Communication is the backbone of all food relationships, and all that.
What aspects of it make you feel like shit?

MorrisZapp · 12/09/2019 15:33

This is one of those bits of advice that never work. Apparently we're meant to communicate with our partner about what we like in bed. Invariably what they hear is YOU'RE A CRAP SHAG. So best just muddle through unless it's truly rubbish I reckon.

SherbetSaucer · 12/09/2019 15:37

It was a joke. I think you’ve made it out to be a bigger deal in your head because you’re already feeling insecure about things.

It’s OK to have things that are off-limits too. If you don’t like dancing for him then never do it again. It’s tough shit, he’ll have to get over it! You don’t need to give him an excuse either! No is a complete sentence!

Windydaysuponus · 12/09/2019 15:41

To save dh's feelings in the beginning I asked jokingly if he had a complaints department! He should be able to explain better if he isn't happy though!
See it as an opportunity to disclose your issues too!

Sheeeeeeeeeeeeep · 12/09/2019 15:47

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SpamChaudFroid · 12/09/2019 15:48

I can't go into details here but when a man gets older, not everything works as well as it used to.

Do you mean his winkie doesn't get hard?

And by dance, do you mean something fun like hammertime or sexy like the running man?

Babdoc · 12/09/2019 15:48

OP, if your DH is suffering from erectile dysfunction, he needs to see his GP, not ask you to take up pole dancing.
ED can be a sign of coronary heart disease, neurological disease or diabetes, and it needs checking out. It can then be treated with simple tablets such as Cialis or Viagra.
Tell him to make an appointment and get himself sorted. The dancing is an optional extra if YOU would enjoy it. And don’t be afraid to spell out what you would like from him sexually as well.

shearwater · 12/09/2019 15:49

It all sounds a bit insecure. If he wants to be with someone he will be, it doesn't matter how much you dance on the head of a pin for him.

PiggyPokkyFool · 12/09/2019 15:55

I can't go into details here but when a man gets older, not everything works as well as it used to

Lord OP - how old is he?

timshelthechoice · 12/09/2019 16:02

He needs to see a GP if he is having erectile dysfunction.

SolitudeAtAltitude · 12/09/2019 16:03

not heard of viagra?

I am now imagining you doing a sexy "Hammertime" dance for him in your PJs, thanks Spamchaudfrois!!!!!

weeblueberry · 12/09/2019 16:04

*And by dance, do you mean something fun like hammertime or sexy like the running man?"

Sweet god I just about choked on my coffee...

Durgasarrow · 12/09/2019 16:04

What babdoc said. There's a pill for that. And you're not the pill.

TheMustressMhor · 12/09/2019 16:08

Well.

After two years of suffering erectile dysfunction my DH went to the GP after I had nagged him incessantly and discovered he was diabetic.

Anyway. That's your DH's first port of call. Doctors have heard it all before and are highly unlikely to recommend dancing, either for the wife or the husband.

Mine got treatment for the diabetes and Viagra.

I never did learn to dance.

steff13 · 12/09/2019 16:09

sexy like the running man

This made me laugh out loud.

If he's having issues getting/maintaining an erection, he should go to the doctor.

Mrsmadevans · 12/09/2019 16:09
Grin
AutumnCrow · 12/09/2019 16:10

Hammertime wearing an 'It' clown mask usually works for me

Rachelover60 · 12/09/2019 16:10

I think he was joking, Debbie. I can imagine my husband saying, "Where do I start?" if I asked same question but he would have been joking.

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