Dilemma

[Mrshappy2019]

This is my first post so bare with me :)

I’ve been married 12 years and we have 2 children 6 and 9 and like most relationships we’re busy with work and family stuff and over the years my closeness with hubby has tailed off a bit.

Around 6 months ago I saw a guy at my local gym who is a parent of one of the kids in my sons class. He is not with the mother and only occasionally picks his kid up from school where I see him.

For a few weeks we’d let on at the gym and eventually started talking. He was lovely and spoke about school, kids, work etc and I enjoyed it whenever I’d see him there. He is attractive too which doesn’t matter but I guess for the purpose of this I should admit that

Whenever I’m on a school pick up and he’s there which is maybe once a week he comes and talks to me again about nice things however when I’ve gone with hubby he doesn’t come over but just smiles at me and let’s on

I hadn’t given him my mobile but recently he added me on FB and liked a few of my pictures. He’s also started messaging me asking what time I’ll be at the gym and if I’ll have time for a coffee etc

My question is do I need to say something to him or is this fine? I really like him and enjoy his company

Sorry, haven't read all of the comments, but I think a good rule of thumb is if you don't feel comfortable telling your DH then you shouldn't be doing it or something isn't quite right.

Would you be comfortable saying "X's dad goes to my gym and we had coffee the other day" or "hes asked if I want a coffee tomorrow, I'm going to join him". Assuming your DH isnt controlling or abusive I mean. Which in itself would be a whole other thread.

He is ‘attractive, kind, thoughtful, and genuinely interested, and he remembers the little things.’ You are keeping this man a secret from your husband, and he clearly sees that. Likewise, he is also avoiding an introduction. He is now messaging you to sync your gym visits and coffee breaks.

You are crossing a line here. This man’s interest fills a void in your life, and emotional intimacy and reliance are developing. Distance yourself and work on your marriage, or end things with your husband.

Consider seeking the support of individual counseling to strengthen your self-esteem and learn coping strategies to use to empower yourself.

If your dh treats you like dirt, you need to stop tolerating it and/or leave. Everything else is a distraction.

@category12 thanks, I think I’m only just realising this

You're lonely, he's lonely. This is what this is. If you are sure you won't act on anything, there is no harm here. If you think you might, keep a bit of distance.

That aside, your husband sounds horrible. Why are you with him? Stupid question really, for the kids, routine etc obviously but on a deeper level, why do you tolerate his behaviour and the way he talks to you?

@AMAM8916 I know, I’m gonna have a good talk with him tonight. I’ve spoke with the other man this afternoon

Im sure you’ll think this is lame but I don’t think he’s like that and always seems genuinely interested

OP you're being very naive here; do you think he would be genuinely interested in what you have to say if you were a man?

The whole reason you're posting is because you know it's dodgy ground...

You're using this man as a distraction rather than addressing the real problem, which is your unhappiness in the marriage. Sooner or later you will have to face this and it's better to do that without the influence of a third party.

@Closetbeanmuncher I know you’re right