DH has been wearing my clothes

[Ollypops14]

I write here because ive got nobody else to confide in . I have recently noticed my clothes missing or left in places i did not put them . I have till now just put it down to having a teenage daughter , you know what there like for borrowing things and not putting them back.
DH has been off work recently due to ill health . Which means hes been home alot.
I was sent home from work Monday with tummy bug so i came home earlier than expected .Omg there he was in my Dress !!

i dont even know what to feel he said its a one off , a joke but im so upset

As big of a shock as it was I honestly wouldn't make such a big deal.
At least he doesn`t cheat on you.

He sort of is, if he is AGP. He is in love/lust with the idea of himself as a woman.

Lol OP DO NOT GO TO THE FEMINIST BOARD as the pp suggested. Unless you want to hear a load of bigots bashing your husband and lots of other minorities! Is this supposed to be ironic, you're the bigot.

OP Definitely have a calm conversation with your husband so you can find out what's going on and if it's something you want to go along with.

suspended

That's what I think too, covering himself with a towel and running off is a bit of a giveaway.

Did he have a hard on?

Many of my clothes are from the men's department in DH's size but I don't just help myself to DH's. Let alone deliberately sneakily behind his back.

Just going to throw it out there that lots of men cross dress purely because it interests them, nothing to do with wanting to BE a woman or because they get a sexual buzz from it

Absolute bollocks.

It's not like David Beckham wearing a sarong, or a bloke wearing a woman's blouse as a fashion statement to go out in.

It's someone sneaking his wife's clothes and getting off on it. It seems sly, deceptive and seedy because it is.

Exactly the same thing happened to me over 14 years ago, I went into shock. I didn't know what to do. My partner was desperate for me to accept his ways. He had always dressed in womens clothes but in private and I never knew. I found out similar way to you. I couldn't talk for days as I couldn't process it all. I asked him to move to the spare room immediately, it was an awful time for us. After a few days I went away and when I was away he then started sending me pictures of himself in my underwear. I couldn't cope, I told no one. I came home and said its over. We had to sell our house and the other house we had as a rental. I just needed to run from this situation so I rented a house out as soon as I could whilst the other houses sold. I was a mess for a very long time and so was he. I was never angry but very sad for him. After we split the stress made his dressing up worse and he was then dressing in womens clothes and going to clubs. Very upsetting indeed. I have never lived with anyone since the end of this relationship. Only 2 people know the reason why we split, people were shocked we split at all as it was so sudden and we made our excuses up. 14 years on we are best of friends. I have recently helped him be a witness to his mortgage documents as he married someone recently who accepts his ways which is wonderful for him. I am happy he has found someone to accept this. I dont want this story to be about me but you might find it somehow useful to know other people have been in your situation.

‘ Lots of men who cross-dress say they do so because they clothes feel comfortable‘ - my husband likes to feel comfortable when the day Is over so puts jogging bottoms or PJs on - it seems some women have been gaslight badly if they believe this is why men dress up in women’s clothes.

As the poster above said some of it is about boundaries - her husband despite knowing she was upset by him in her frocks then sent her pictures of himself in her knickers. This is a man who supposedly gives a shit about her. But that’s the turn on for some, exposing themselves in women’s knickers. Sick and perverted. Next step can often be going into women’s bathrooms digging out old tampons and sticking them in their anus and wanking off. Not all obviously but some.

Don’t be told this is just a ‘kink’ and you are some how lucky he isn’t shagging someone else - for the same amongst us this is just as bad. A betrayal of trust and a man who has deceived you.

It is worth bearing in mind that not everyone finds the idea of a partner having a fetish disgusting and immoral. A fetish is often only one aspect of a person, and partners may be able to accept it - or at least end the relationship on civil terms rather than angry, hateful ones.
This is not to say you are in the wrong for finding cross-dressing, or a partner coming out as trans, to be a deal-breaker. All sorts of changes can be deal-breakers. I wouldn't, for instance, be able to live with a partner who found religion, even if finding an imaginary friend didn't involve him deciding that I was his inferior and must start obeying him unquestioningly and covering myself up all the time. Some people would have to end a relationship if a partner got involved in a political cause they disagreed with.

It's OK to end a relationship that isn't working for you. But that doesn't mean you have to end if because your partner has a sexual preferance that other people disapprove of, if you find that it isn't a big deal for you.

It's not like David Beckham wearing a sarong, or a bloke wearing a woman's blouse as a fashion statement to go out in.

It's someone sneaking his wife's clothes and getting off on it. It seems sly, deceptive and seedy because it is.

PositiveVibez has it right.

Many (perhaps most) crossdressers claim they do it because it's "relaxing". They're being disingenuous. It's a fetish or paraphilia in which the man becomes aroused at the fantasy of himself as a woman.

Many of these fantasies centre on very degrading ideas of women (sissyfication, forced feminisation) which can be very off putting to female partners if they become aware. And increasingly this sexual preoccupation may spill over from the man dressing secretly to insisting his DP tolerate it in bed to coming out as transgender and breaking up the family, as happened to a family I've known for many years.

If he was unmarried and living on his own then it would be nobodies business but his (though many would still think of him as a perv). As he's married then its only ok if if you're both ok with it, same as any other aspect (sexual or not).

Catching him like that is upsetting for you both. You need to set boundaries if you can. Some behaviors are simply not accepted by partners. People will tell you that its the first step to transitioning, but I suspect this is as true as using a vibrator is the first step to being a lesbian. You'll only find out whats behind it if you talk to him. Whatever happens he needs to leave your clothes alone.

This was a regular occurrence with a friend's husband. She was very shocked when she found out, but her H assured her it was just behind closed doors. Eventually he came out as a full blown cross dresser and is now transitioning to a woman. Friend divorced him. It can work I guess but not for the faint hearted.

This happened to my friend. She let it carry on but her DH wanted to be a woman more and more often until he was asking to go out with her while dressed as a woman.

Friend couldn't take any more and split up with him.

He's now living in Brighton as a woman 24/7.

People will tell you that its the first step to transitioning, but I suspect this is as true as using a vibrator is the first step to being a lesbian.

What a bizarre comparison. Wherever did you get the idea that lesbians are more likely to use vibrators than het women?

All men who identify as women started as crossdressers. By no means all lesbians use vibrators.

Whilst I understand that this is a highly emotive subject for many people, calling a man 'sick' and 'perverted' for simply wearing women's clothes, without even knowing the full context, is utterly ridiculous.
Maybe such outrage and disgust is part of the reason men feel like they have to repress this side of themselves in the first place.

We do need to get away from the idea that it's fine and dandy for me to wear trousers but either a fetish or "being a woman" if a man wears a skirt.

I think it's based on misogyny. On the part of the males who do the cross dressing, because they don't actually see a skirt as a practical alternative on a hot day or 'I fancy wearing something pretty today', they see it as somehow demeaning for a man to do, so either it shows they must be female, or it's a taboo fetish kind of thing. And sometimes as in AGP transsexuals one may blur into the other.

You can tell they're seeing it like that because of the sneakiness, because of the way they talk about "dressing as a woman" and many end up transitioning, and ultimately links to fetish sites and many transwidows reporting that it is a sexual thing for their ex.

We do need more fashion rebels to establish men skirt wearing as fine and fun. Get your own fricking skirts though. If you wear my clothes behind my back that's creepy. Eddie Izzard was doing a great job before he got transed, he (when they was a he) used to say they were a man's clothes because he bought them. That didn't seem fetish-like at all.

Your husband putting on a dress in private does not make you a ‘trans widow’ ffs

Talk to him openly. Men liking women’s clothes does not automatically mean they want to be a women.

MN is the worst place to ask this question as the FWR board is currently devoted to discussing transgender men/women.

If you can’t move past it, leave. Don’t torture yourself. But talk to him before you give any merit to strangers ideas of who he is.

Do go to the transwidows’ thread. You will get support there.

I had a boyfriend who liked to wear my clothes. It was a sexual thing but we had some fun with it- I can see it would have been horrible if that had become our whole sex life though. We had a frank conversation before we ever went to bed though, so not quite the same as finding out this way.

crikey, maybe he just wanted to give a dress a try - have none of you seen David Beckham in a skirt?

Perhaps it's just more comfortable, especially if it's hot

Kink utterly destroyed my marriage I'm afraid, not because I was intolerant, at first I couldn't care less as long as I didn't have to join in as it certainly isn't my thing.
Unfortunately, however, ex started going to fetish nightclubs all the time, opening the door in rubber when I was out to neighbours, postman etc (I work in the medical profession in our town so not acceptable at all).
But even worse he started talking and listening to fellow kinksters he went out with who were telling him to ditch the boring vanilla (me).
It came down to either I start dressing up and going swinging with him or he's leave.
He left as I will not be pressurised into doing things I don't want to do.

Is there a reason you used such a loaded word, historically associated with pathologising women's emotions and concerns as irrational and irrelevant?

You're right, that was a very poor and thoughtless choice of word. Please accept my apologies.

Whilst I understand that this is a highly emotive subject for many people, calling a man 'sick' and 'perverted' for simply wearing women's clothes, without even knowing the full context, is utterly ridiculous.

If I came home unexpectedly and found my husband wearing my clothes and hiding his hard-on behind a towel, making it obvious that he was wanking in my clothes, sick and perverted is exactly what I'd call him.

hiding his hard-on behind a towel, making it obvious that he was wanking in my clothes, sick and perverted is exactly what I'd call him.

Have you literally just made that up or have I missed something?

He covered up quickly with a towel that was hanging over the Bannister
and ran into my DS room.

You don't need a towel to cover a dress. I definitely understood that he was wanking in her clothes. That is why men dress up in what they think is an empty house