Ex won't talk re child's holiday

[sweets4u]

Split from ex years ago - all Amicable
Lo who's 8 yrs
He asked if he can take her away abroad next month, out of school, 3 nights him and his wife
Agreed it as think it will be nice for her
Found out when I picked her up as she was there the weekend ( he has her every other) he left her alone to go food shopping
Left her in the house with their dog cam and his wife's phone
I called him told him I didn't like it and sent him some info on leaving children alone and said I don't want it happening ever again
He messaged saying he doesn't want to be told what to do, doesn't question me and to leave him alone ?!
I said can he call me as I have some stipulations on this holiday
Which I do
Such as where are they staying, I'd like contact when they are away as she only goes there for 1 night normally, and her first holiday away from me, it's for HER as well as me.
He's told me he will speak to me when he next picks her up in a week ?
Am I being unfair ???

Why not speak to him next week then, if the holiday is next year?

The holiday is next month!
So he wants to talk next time he picks her up in 2 weeks which is 10 days before she flies

If he’ll speak to you next week and the holiday isn’t for another month then it’s still 3 weeks before the holiday that you’ll know the details. I think you’re overreacting on this.
I wouldn’t leave an 8 year old home alone so I agree with you completely on that one.

You are being very unfair. My DD is 8 and went on holiday for a week with her Dad last month. I wouldn’t have dreamed of insisting on speaking to her daily. Her Dad helps her call when SHE wants to speak to me! I also don’t get her to call him everyday when we are on holiday.

He is her Dad not some random stranger. Allow your daughter some independence and take a chill pill!

Left her in the house with their dog cam

Where was the dog? Hopefully not home alone with your 8 year old!

@Mumofboth love it when you ask for advice and you get questioned on irrelevant info
It's 10 days
He's next seeing her next Saturday and she flies 9 days later

I think you’re acting like you’re the only parent and he’s just a babysitter. Be very careful not to communicate that in how you speak to him. He does have every right to make parenting decisions and she should be fine to go on holidays with her dad and them all not timetabling you in daily. If she wants to call I’d expect him to make that happen but it might not always be convenient and you’d do well to encourage your DD to get on with enjoying her holiday rather than constantly dragging her thoughts to home.

@thenightsky oh yes ya dog was babysitting apparently

Oh sorry OP I thought it said next year.

Can’t you ask politely to speak sooner rather than making the situation escalate unnecessarily?

It does sound like he’s a bit petty and won’t accept that he’s in the wrong about the leaving at home alone situation. However I do think if you cause a row it will only make things messy and you will likely have less viability as to what they get up to when you’re not there. I would play the long game here and humour him...ask him nicely and say you’re just a bit worried and would like reassuring but don’t want to fall out.

I get that it’s understandably concerned you but staying amicable I think is key here. It’s not like he’s refusing to speak to you.

@Happyspud she wouldn't be constantly dragging her thoughts to home
She's with me 2 weeks at a time and with him one eve every other weekend so 2 days a month with him...not very much...so it's not just for his benefit
And a father than can go food shopping for an hour and 20 mins leaving a child home alone is irresponsible in my opinion

I wouldn't want dd8 left home alone at her dads either. She has only ever stayed for one night with him so I would want more info and want to speak to her if she was away for 3 nights.

Visibility not viability!

@User20191 yeah that is a good idea
However I'm tempted to not even let her go at this rate
Until at least she's spoken to me about my concerns !
I don't think talking to be before next Saturday is unreasonable
He's just being an ass
No need to talk to me the way he has done
I want her to go and to be getting excited but after him her leaving her home alone, I'm no worried hence why I wanted to talk to him not be told he won't talk until he next sees me
I agree I would I rather be amicable

@Cath2907 I didn't say daily did I ? I said a text or call
Wow a week with no contact?
That's not something we would do, when I took her away for a week she called her dad twice
It's called respect also
She's used to being with me, when she's at my mums she wants to call me!
Well that's up to you isn't it that's a long time to go without contact in my opinion - obviously you've taken too many chill pills 🤭

I think the thing is what will happen if you suddenly refused to let her go? Wouldn’t that cause all sorts of problems for you and your daughter? I do think you need to try and stay calm and just make it clear you are worried and want her to have a good time but want some reassurance.

Then have a well deserved rest for the time she is away and leave them to it. IF you find out anything else has gone on on holiday then that’s different and can be addressed when she’s back. Xx

Sorry - did you say he left her alone with the dog?
If so, I would not be happy about that.

@User20191 yes course I want her to go. Im just annoyed at the situation and the leaving her at home alone and he has absolutely no concerns makes me feel uncomfortable when they are going to another country. so god knows he may do the same thing at the hotel !!! Thinking it's ok to go for dinner and leave her in her room? Because it's exactly what he has done thinking it's absolutely fine

So yes of course it will cause issues but until we've spoken she isn't going anywhere

@endofthelinefinally sorry what do you mean ? Yes the dog was home, in fact he said the dog was baby sitting her and they have a dog cam and she had to sit by it so they could see her

My son was mature enough at that age to follow simple instructions such as not to open the door, use cooker, light matches etc and I would happily leave him for a few hours with a phone to contact me. The camera is an added safety measure.

He is DD's parent too and beyond significant safeguarding matters, you have no more right to dictate to him than he has to you. You obviously trusted him enough to have a child with him.

I think that you need to be a bit more realistic about your power over him.

The fucking dog was babysitting????? The DOG????

FFS if it was my kid I wouldn't be letting her go to his ever again, let alone go on holiday abroad together.

If she's coming out of school for this holiday, is it authorised? If not, will he be paying any fine or you?

You're right to put your foot down about DD being left alone.

Funny how lazy two posts
One saying I'm over reacting
The other saying the opposite

Well im sorry I do not agree with pp at all, so sorry for anyone's advice other than the very last poster

Since coming on here I'm even more adamant she isn't going on that holiday !!

@newyearoldme the school have said no fine as it's only 3 days

Sorry didn't mean lazy meant last post

I’m pretty sure that’s going to be a terrible move for everyone involved, including yourself.

@sweets4u I still think you’re overreacting even if it is in ten days.
It’s three days and presumably there’s no history of violence or any worry for her safety. I’d insist on being able to contact her and on her being able to contact you when she wants to, I’d also want flight and accommodation details. But I can’t see what the issue is when he hasn’t said he won’t give you this information, just that he’ll give you it in person.

@chickenyhead very narrow minded
Trusted enough to have a child with him....8 years ago...because things and people never change do they, leaving your child home alone ? Shame on you