"My bf is still texting saying how I am unreasonable, how he is trying to get over his addiction. Etc etc. I know that is also untrue so I guess that helps reinforce what I've said, to myself. I even said never once have i had an apology, and guess What? I still haven't had one."
He won't apologise because he does not think he has one anything wrong. In his mind, you are the bad person for rejecting him as he can't see what the problem is. The quicker you realise that drugs screw with a person's head really badly, the easier and faster you will get over the heartbreak of realising you can never have a normal, loving connection with this person.
2 years is a long time to be dealing with someone's drug addled behaviour. I feel sorry for you. You are young, you should be having fun, not worrying about some paranoid arsehole and his addiction AND the insults he hurls at your body.
Good grief, block him and be done with it. What would you tell your best friend to do?
There are other men out there who will be just as good looking, just as good in bed and BETTER because they will not be drug addled fools.
He sounds toxic AND dangerous. Don't be another mug saddled with offspring to a druggy who can't provide. And who verbally and possibly physically abuses you.
I know you must have loved him, probably still do. I wasted almost 10 years on someone who verbally abused me and criticised my body and put drugs and his drug taking, drug dealing cronies before me. I sacrificed time, money AND sometimes work, sadly, SADLY, because of "love".
What you have to realise, and sooner rather than later, is YOU CANNOT bank on a man's potential. When a person shows you who they are, NOW, and repeatedly in the past it's the same and they continue to do and say the same, THAT is who they ARE.
What has he shown you to date. In summary, that he is a paranoid, verbally abusive, entitled coke-addled nutcase.
You're in love with a fantasy man, a projected image of what you hope and wish he could be, when you see the glimmers of kindness. Maybe the sex is great. My ex was good in bed, he knew how to please me in a basic sense - but again, a lot of that was MY projection, as I was the giver.... Maybe your ex is really good looking, has a big penis... there has to be some reason he has you so spellbound when he treats you like shit on his shoe. And you think you will never meet anyone with those attributes again... YOU WILL. And let's face it, he can't even be POLITE to you!!!
I think you need to block him and get some help. Worked for me. Ex still tries to contact me via new numbers etc etc but he is in another country, so easy to avoid. If you still allow this man to guilt trip you, because make no bones about it, he is manipulating you, and knows what he is doing, you will go back to him and the whole cycle will lick off again. You need to research trauma bonding and Stockholm syndrome and how to heal from an abusive relationship.
Your posts reveal that you are vulnerable. I get it. I was too. NOW is the time you need to heal and stay away from him, so the first step is block and get reading. And I hope he does NOT have keys to your home. If he does, change the locks.