Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Would you be happy if someone gave your OH a shoulder massage in the pub?

81 replies

GreatSummerSale · 06/09/2019 23:05

I've name changed.

I go out every week with OH to a group where there are core friends who invite others to join us. Everyone welcome and some people come along who really don't know anyone. It's a friendly group and there are new people most weeks. I don't tend to speak to OH a lot during the evening - he likes to talk to the new people and I prefer to build relationships with the regulars. All fine, we don't live together so we catch up at the end of the night and he comes back to mine.

A month or so ago a new lady came along. I thought she was lovely, very softly spoken, a bit of an earth mother/hippy type.

Last week, OH spent a lot of time talking with her. Fine, I was talking to others. This week I was in the garden with the people I was talking to and he was in the pub talking to the newbies, and she was sat next to him. I could see them through the pub window, she was standing over him and I didn't know why but didn't really think too much about it. When I went to get a drink about 10 minutes later and walked past them, I could see why, she was doing some sort of "therapy" on him where she was patting his face, head, chest. A bit odd, but we have previously talked to her about his asthma and sinus problems so I though it was connected to that.

I came and sat inside and was at the opposite end of the long table. The "therapy" had stopped but she was being very tactile with him, touching his arm etc. Then she got up again and started giving him a shoulder massage. The people sat near them had moved so I guess they were feeling uncomfortable. I don't know. Then, and this is the bit that really bothers me - at the end of the shoulder massage she kissed him on the side of the head. Not once, maybe a dozen times. Half the table (and both of them!) looked at me to see my reaction.

I'm really angry about this, they overstepped so many boundaries, didn't they? Am I over reacting by feeling pissed off?

(Sorry this is so long!)

OP posts:
Aroundtheworldandback · 08/09/2019 22:51

The kissing was totally inappropriate and out of respect to you he should have walked away.

TheBatsHaveLeftTheBellTower · 08/09/2019 22:58

Are you really suggesting it is the norm for married couples to live in separate houses and live separate lives?

Just because people live in separate houses doesn't mean they lead separate lives.

Mydogmylife · 08/09/2019 23:18

Glad all is well now, I did think that your reaction of being so annoyed that he didn't come back to yours as normal was perhaps a mistake.,
He seemed genuinely uncomfortable , and my take would have been to go home together and have a bit of a laugh about her odd behaviour, rather than make a 'thing' about it.

GreatSummerSale · 08/09/2019 23:30

Gosh, the thread has taken a turn since I last logged on!

Anyway, yes, in hindsight being huffy and leaving on Thursday wasn't the most mature of responses, but as I say all fine now. We had a talk, he listened to what I said and apologised, it was all over and done with in a few minutes and we got on with enjoying the rest of the weekend.

I'm signing out now and going back to my usual username. Thanks for all the responses.

OP posts:
Mothership4two · 10/09/2019 03:10

Thanks for insight @prawnsword. I have had a couple of freeze moments in the past and beat myself up about it afterwards: "why didn't I do/say something". It's good to know it happens

Mothership4two · 10/09/2019 03:13

My bestfriend's dad and stepmum lived in separate houses in the same village. No-one batted an eyelid. I thought it worked well. Sadly, we can't afford to do the same.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread