Should I go back to my husband

[Rosebel]

I left my husband 2 weeks ago after he but me infront of our eldest daughter. I am living with my parents at the moment but finding it stressful. My parents don't know why I walked away and my dad keeps pressuring me to go back to my husband and work things out. My mum hasn't said anything except she'll support me whatever I decide. My husband keeps phoning and texting me saying how much he loves me and reminding me of all the good times we had.My girls are also desperate to go home and cry because they miss their dad. I miss him too. Should I go back to him? I thought walking away was,the right thing but everyone seems miserable now..

Do not go back

Tell your parents

These are the only 2 things you need to do at the moment, please, you need to keep you and your dc safe. Nothing else matters x

He treats you like a princess so that you'll come back to him and take another beating, he doesn't treat you well because he loves you he treats you well because he needs to keep you so that he can abuse you.
It's just a strategy that works for him if he could keep you locked up in the basement and get away with it he may well do that but he knows that approach wouldn't work, for him it's all about being dominant and in control, feeding his ego making him feel like the alpha male.

If this happened to your daughter what advice would you give? I bet it would be bit to go back. If you do you are saying to your daughter that it's ok for someone to hit you.

If the constant texts are making you wobble, just block him for a couple of days to give yourself some headspace.

You absolutely must tell someone in real life that he hits you. It's happened more than once, and for him to do it in front of your DD is appalling.

Please tell your Mum.

DO NOT GO BACK. EVER.

So sorry this has happened, but you owe it to yourself and your DDs to end this and live a life free from abuse.

Do not go back to him, he's abusive .

Tell your parents

winterlife well it may have worked for your friend - I think very few people change, despite constant promises to change. Too risky in any case where children are involved - why would you do that to your kids? it's not just them that are at risk from violence, but the impact of seeing you constantly at threat, or worse the risk of you being hurt , or the view of relationships they get is too high risk.

I ended up on a concrete step - the thought that I could have easily bashed my head and ended up dead and left my kids, was enough to stop me. But it had gone too far by then. The damage to my children from being in that abusive relationship was also horrendous, and something I'll feel guilty about for a long time.

Unfortunately men who hit women very very rarely stop.

If he is the kind of man who get fisty when angry then you will always be worried that the next argument will result in a slapping. You'll always be walking on eggshells.

You do not need to live with this crap.

I am a man who had to see my mother being hit by my alcoholic father. He used to do horrific things to us as a family. When I got larger than him I gave him a lesson he didn't forget; he never hit her again as he knew what he'd get. He was a coward and selfish shit.

At the very very very least tell him you won't return unless he successfully takes anger management classes. If he doesn't play ball then lawyer up.

Good luck x

Well done on deciding to tell your mum.

For some reason I get a sense that your dad may not be of the same mind as pretty much everyone on this thread, apologies if I've got that wrong. I do hope you are able to tell him and that he will be supportive. However, if he is the type of man to, even unintentionally, victim blame somewhat, perhaps suggesting you must have done something to set him off, then please don't listen, you are not to blame for this at all.

If he is not the sort of person who understands that a man does not hit his partner, end of, then your mum may find herself stuck in the middle, wanting to support her daughter but having her ear bent by her husband suggesting you may have created the problem.

Should this happen, and I hope it doesn't, again apologies if I'm completely on the wrong track, don't give up and assume you're in the wrong. You are not. There is no justification for your husband hitting you. Text him to back off and stop communication with you while you consider what to do, mention in the text that you have been hit by him for the last time and you will not allow your children to be exposed to abuse.

Speak to Women's Aid (yes it's that bad, you need to), tell other people, don't be ashamed, read books like "Why does he do that" by Lundy Bancroft, you will see your husband in there. Keep posting here for support, but please don't go back to him.

If your daughter was in this sort of relationship you would want her to leave and your parents will be the same.
Please go to the police and report it.
Do not let your DC think this is normal.

I hope you have told your mum and she is supporting you. Not only is he abusing you physically but he is also using emotional blackmail by refusing to see your children because he wants you home. I was in your situation, it took me 25 years to find the courage to be as brave as you. Life for me is so very better now but unfortunately because I was a coward the damage to my children is irrevocable. Stay strong.

He hit you, more than once as you admit, and the last time in front of the children. This is not acceptable and by going back violence towards you will still take place, and you are normalising hitting to your children.

Get your daughter support to talk about what she saw, tell your mum and dad.

Don’t be fooled into going back because the children are not seeing him. It’s his choice he is making not to see them and is , blackmailing you into going back by using them, what sort of man does that ?

Would you want your daughter to be with a man who hits her, OP? He hits you already. He's now hit you in front of your daughter. He'll do it again. Don't let yourself and your daughter go through it again.

Telling your Mum is an excellent decision! You need support in this. You need to not be making such difficult choices on your own.

You CAN do this.

If you go back to him you are showing your children that it's OK to let someone treat you in this way. Right now you are showing them that you are strong, and that it is completely unacceptable for someone who is supposed to love you, to treat you in this way. Please continue to show them this, don't go back to him.

but then a look comes in his,eyes and I know I'm in trouble

That actually made my blood run cold. He's already escalated to hitting you in front of your children. It WILL escalate more. Do you want to live with that fear for the rest of your life, until he possibly kills you? You may think that sounds dramatic or ridiculous but I bet at one point you never thought he'd hit you, either.

Thanks again. I have spoken to my mum and she just held me and let me cry, it was such a relief. It's not that my dad is unsupportive but we're not overly close so fine it hard to open up to him. Mum has,said can stay at home as long as I need and she's going to talk to my dad. Tomorrow I'm taking my eldest out so we can have a talk together.
I'm so scared of sorting everything out . My head is all over the place, I honestly think this is,the hardest thing I've ever had to do.

Absolutely don't go back , he'll do it again and you and the girls will be walking on eggshells. I know it's difficult, but also don't let them think it's ok.

Well done, OP. I'm glad your mum is supportive.

Well done OP, yes this is hard, but in time to come you will look back and feel no regret. This is a situation not of your making and you and your daughters need to be safe in their own home. So glad your mum is supportive and hopefully your dad will be as helpful.

Well done OP. And you'll do it. One day at the time.

Get all the support you need, your parents, WA and do Freedom Programme, start online.

One day, and that day WILL come, you'll look back at it with immense pride.

That was a courageous move OP, well done

Well done

Please don’t go back. Little girls need a mum who can show them what is acceptable and demonstrate what to do when it isn’t

@Rosebel your dh wants you back and is using words and memories to convince you but it was actions that caused you to leave.
So what actions has he taken to fix your relationship???
Has he attended or applied for anger management? Probably not and that is enough for you to stay separated.

Peoples actions are what damages relationships most of the time but seem to believe empty words can fix it.

Speak to your dc, it will be hard to begin with but once you forgive that behaviour it will only ever continue. Once they get away with it, he will do it again and he will know it only took a few weeks of begging to get you back.

I'm not saying it's easy or your life will be so much better, but from someone who found her self lock in the bedroom for 12 hours, you can never tell how quickly the violence with escalate.

Sorry you're dealing with this.

Please do not go back and undo what you have achieved in the last two weeks!

You deserve so much more and your children will thank you for it.

Does anyone have some advice on how I should approach access to the girls with my husband? I know I can't force the issue but I got a text last night suggesting we took the girls out on Sunday together because he missed us all. I haven't responded yet because I want to see him but know I can't. I'm scared of letting our girls go alone, but know I can't really stop him as he is their dad but what I'm really scared of is how he'll react when he finds out I told my parents why I left, especially if one of my girls mention it.