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Original poster

Would you get annoyed by texts from someone your dating?

97 replies

harrietsi · 04/09/2019 22:05

I don't know but sometimes I feel like I annoy him when I text and he can't be bothered to chat.
Then other times he's chatty.
About 15 mins ago I text him saying I think he would enjoy a certain program on Netflix and I'm watching it ...
He just replied "get it watched"
That's it nothing else.
I haven't really spoke to him today ..he got home from work about 8.30 pm so not much chat today

OP posts:
Original poster
harrietsi · 05/09/2019 09:25

Is there anyway of appearing less clingy now?

OP posts:
ThirstyGhost · 05/09/2019 09:47

I'm 45 and happily partnered off so my opinions on texting are irrelevant as I simply don't get constant texting and would find it annoying, but I can relate to this statement...

"I just feel anxious all the time."

Don't stay in any relationship where this is how you feel the majority of the time. It's a sign things aren't right and the person isn't for you.

"I think I do get too full on.
Any ideas how to be less intense ?
And let him see I'm ok?"

If this is a pattern in your relationships (and not just an issue with this one man) then really it's just about having so much other stuff going on in your life that you don't have time/energy to obsess like this. Just get out and do other things, see friends, do activities - anything that isn't sitting around bored staring at your phone waiting for a man to reply.

supercali77 · 05/09/2019 10:02

Is there anyway of appearing less clingy now?

You're looking at this the wrong way if you don't mind me saying. You feel anxious, he says you're intense (a few texts and saying you're looking forward to a date is not intense), it's time to walk away. If you really must carry on....you can play the game the game would be ::
Remove all exclamation marks, smiley faces, emojis, kisses from your texts. Every single one. When he texts reply with short one word replies, almost dismissive but not rude. If you'd normally reply within a certain time frame. Don't, double it.

CloudyWithAChance2 · 05/09/2019 10:08

Yes don’t change or try to be less clingy.
Be yourself and fuck him if he’s not into it.
I know loads of girls like you and their partners are totally fine with your style of texting and don’t see it as needy (or they might and are fine with it).

If I was really, really into a girl, I would love her to text me a lot as it shows that she’s really keen (especially at 3 months).

Original poster
harrietsi · 05/09/2019 10:14

At first everything was fine,then he started doing the hot and cold thing so I felt I had to ask questions to find out if he was into it.
Then me asking him "you excited to meet up" made him think I was being too much.

OP posts:
Original poster
harrietsi · 05/09/2019 10:16

@supercali77 Thankyou I'm going to try that,it's annoying as I really shouldn't have too.
I hope the damage isn't done now tho so to speak.
If it is and he's changed his opinion on me then fair enough.

OP posts:
AmIThough · 05/09/2019 10:16

I think you're much more invested in this than him, OP.

Original poster
harrietsi · 05/09/2019 10:17

@AmIThough I think I am too tbh

OP posts:
Wolfiefan · 05/09/2019 10:20

Three months into a relationship should be fun. Intense and clingy isn’t fun. You need to find things other than one person to bring you excitement and joy and make you laugh.

joystir59 · 05/09/2019 10:21

Back in the days before texting it was not cool to keep after someone you were really keen on. Surely that balance between showing interest and seeming desperate still applies? After three months are you still just dating/casual or what?

joystir59 · 05/09/2019 10:25

For context when I was single/not serious about anyone I would never respond to calls or texts in the way you expect. When I was getting to know my OH who I've been married to for 8 yrs, constant texts and very long phone calls were normal and welcome on both sides, because we were both in love and it was serious straight away.

fantasmasgoria1 · 05/09/2019 10:27

My fiance and I texted each other quite a lot and we moved in together after two months. After 3 years we still text each other a lot. It's different for everyone. There was one bloke a few years back who I didn't feel a lot for and he drove me mad constantly texting and in the end I just ended it. With my fiance I felt smitten from the start and so did he.

OrchidInTheSun · 05/09/2019 10:36

God this sounds miserable. At 3 months, relationships should be fun. You're not having fun Sad

I would end it. Take back control. He's not making you happy.

Original poster
harrietsi · 05/09/2019 10:36

Why do you think some days he's more chatty than others ?
Take Monday for example he started texting at 1pm then he was constantly messaging till 11pm
Him staring convo,sending pics etc
If I stoped the conversation he would wait 20 mins and start it up again.
Surely he wouldn't do that if I was annoying ?
Then take yesterday for example he text in afternoon ..then I text on the evening about 9.30/9.45 pm and it was like he couldn't be bothered with me.
I haven't text today,I'm trying to be cool and let him see I have other things to do etc
I'm off work so I'm just sat looking at my phone

OP posts:
Lweji · 05/09/2019 10:40

It's hard to say.

I'm not keen on people telling me I should watch something and if I'm engaged with something else, I won't be keen on carrying out a random text conversation.

When he doesn't answer he could be with friends, gaming, watching something absorbing, who knows.
He might have been on whatsapp sorting something out or catching up with friends and exchanging real information.

I can't stand constant messages about how excited people are about meeting next.

If he's like this, then you have to accept it.
But you shouldn't feel you have to change.
Either you both find a happy medium or you find someone else that is more similar to you in this respect.

AmIThough · 05/09/2019 10:41

He might just be tired, OP.
Sometimes I just don't want to talk to people - that's normal.

supercali77 · 05/09/2019 10:41

@harrietsi Yeah look - hot and cold is not a good sign. It never is. It starts a process of intermittent reinforcement that pushes you off balance. Then suddenly you're playing text games, I can tell you they work, in the short term. But this man - he is not the man for you. I've seen it before ..... going from blowing up your Whatsapp to tumbleweed in cycles. Now you're off work and starting at your phone....honesttogod, on your death bed will you look back and think 'I really am glad I spent those few hours staring at a rectangle waiting for someone who thinks of me as an option every now and then to get back to me'...no you will not. Pleace a higher value on your own precious time and don't let anyone pick you up and put you down as and when.

Original poster
harrietsi · 05/09/2019 10:59

So if he actually liked me he would be consistent ?and not just random days chatting lots and others invisible man ?

OP posts:
lifegoes · 05/09/2019 11:00

I personally think you are overthinking this massively.

If a guy likes you, he will make an effort. This is absolute fact.

If he doesn't he won't.

MashedSpud · 05/09/2019 11:00

This again?

ChuckleBuckles · 05/09/2019 11:05

I just feel anxious all the time That is all you need to focus on, this guy is not the man for you. Do you really want to waste your time on someone who makes you feel like this three months in?

supercali77 · 05/09/2019 11:05

@harrietsi What lifegoes just said. For a fact. Every time. Don't waste your time on anyone that turns you into a sleuth looking for answers, second guessing what he means blah blah. Whether it's just him, you or the 2 of your comms styles. It is not worth it.

Original poster
harrietsi · 05/09/2019 11:07

@lifegoes maybe I am massively over complicating things here.
I'm overthinking every small detail and scrap of communication

OP posts:
lifegoes · 05/09/2019 11:12

Oh bloody hell. @harrietsi WALK AWAY.

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