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Original poster

Would you get annoyed by texts from someone your dating?

97 replies

harrietsi · 04/09/2019 22:05

I don't know but sometimes I feel like I annoy him when I text and he can't be bothered to chat.
Then other times he's chatty.
About 15 mins ago I text him saying I think he would enjoy a certain program on Netflix and I'm watching it ...
He just replied "get it watched"
That's it nothing else.
I haven't really spoke to him today ..he got home from work about 8.30 pm so not much chat today

OP posts:
LonelyEyes · 05/09/2019 07:37

OP I think his reply was just rude. I wouldnt bother texting much and instead wait and see if he takes the lead. It might be that he just doesn’t like texting and is still eager to meet. Only way to find out is to ask and be upfront or back off. If it was me I would probably ask as I don’t like wasting my time on games.

2Rebecca · 05/09/2019 07:51

Agree time to talk about texting when you next meet. Some people see texting as like a chat and want to spend 15 minutes with back and forth texts, others see it as a way of keeping in touch but just want a message or 2 each then get on with other stuff. His reply sounds dismissive but if he didn't want to be told what to watch and had had enough texting maybe just wasnt sure how to phrase it. He doesnt sound keen but lack of keenness to text doesnt mean lack of keenness in relationship.

user1471504234 · 05/09/2019 08:06

Maybe he just doesn’t like texting, or he’s losing interest in you.
Either way, this means you need to stop texting him as much.
No more than once a day unless you are replying to a message from him.

Sparkandgold · 05/09/2019 08:13

He's not the one for you.
If you're feeling crappy at this stage it won't get better. You need to find someone who communicates in the same manner. Your expectations are different. He might not be a bad person but I can guarantee you're not suited.

Tonnerre · 05/09/2019 08:25

I think I'd be a bit bemused if I heard a text ping, went to look at it and found it was an inane comment about a TV programme. I think that's the kind of thing people usually save up and introduce as part of general chitchat when they're with their partners.

ChangeItChild · 05/09/2019 08:31

This is not how a relationship should be making you feel 3 months in.

Original poster
harrietsi · 05/09/2019 08:38

He sends me random things like that too.
Our chatty conversations are always on his terms tho
When he can be bothered
He's back in work now,started at 8
Haven't heard anything from him today
Not going to text him

OP posts:
ShirleyPhallus · 05/09/2019 08:43

I spent any 20s making excuses for someone - why they would or wouldn’t text, they might be tired / might have other stuff on etc etc

The truth is that 3 months in, you’re in honeymoon phase and should be texting all the time cos you want to hear from each other

If you’re already feeling anxious and worrying over him not being in touch then I’d honestly end it and find someone who does want what you do

Hadalifeonce · 05/09/2019 08:45

I cannot understand how relationships actually survive. I see things like 'I sent a text 10 mins ago, and have heard nothing, do you think he's not that into me?' 'I sent a long rambling text and got a 3 word answer, do you think he's not that into me?'

It beggars belief that people actually accept this amount of pressure on their relationships, it must drive them bonkers.

He/she may be busy, he/she may me gaming, he/she may be checking out his social media, he may not like texting/communicating banal information; it doesn't mean he's not that into you because he doesn't respond to a text immediately.

Please do not live your life based on an needing an immediate response to a text. See the person face to face, have a conversation, then you will be able to work out if the relationship is viable.

Aminuts23 · 05/09/2019 08:50

OP continual texting drives me mad sometimes. Whether it’s a partner or even my best friend. Sometimes I enjoy a banter over text but when my best friend starts messaging me just as I’m tired and chilling out I feel annoyed. My answers get shorter to try to bring it to an end. It’s got nothing to do with how I feel about her but I’m just tired.
In my last relationship we’d see each other maybe twice a week and there was very little communication in between unless something cropped up.
You sound a bit desperate counting how many times you text each other in a day. I get that it’s early days and you want to know he’s still ok and still interested but you’ll drive him away doing that. I’m sure he likes you just fine but he works long hours by the sounds of it. I think as long as your next date is arranged then all is well so chill out. It hasn’t been long really that you’ve been together. If you give him the impression you’re needy he’ll run a mile. I know I would. It’s just hassle he maybe doesn’t have the headspace for. Step back and relax.

Ellabella989 · 05/09/2019 08:52

Me and my DP text multiple times a day during the first few months of our relationship as we were so besotted with each other. When I’ve been in other relationships where I’ve not been properly into them I’ve found testing a pain in the ass. There was one bloke who kept texting when I hadn’t replied yet asking if I was ok. I ended up having to block him as it was too intense and creepy.
If I were in your shoes I would have a frank conversation next time you see him. It’s always better to be on the same page about things like that as it stops all the unnecessary anxiety.
Also when he texts you and you reply, don’t message him again until he replies back (and only reply back to him if it’s something that needs replying to. If he’s just written something like “just relaxing watching TV” then don’t respond as he’s not opening things up for a conversation.

Original poster
harrietsi · 05/09/2019 08:55

I'm worried he already thinks I'm intense.
He has said I'm intense before.

OP posts:
Ellabella989 · 05/09/2019 08:58

If he’s already said you’re intense then take that as a massive warning to cut back on contact. If that makes you miserable then he isn’t the right sort of person for you and you need to find someone who has a similar communication style to you.
A good trick I do to avoid me texting too much is to put my phone on silent at the other end of the room for an hour or two and I distract myself by doing something else like watching a film, reading, going for a walk, cooking, having a bath etc. The more you do it the easier it becomes to break the habit

Original poster
harrietsi · 05/09/2019 09:01

Well @Ellabella989 that's where it's weird because some days he's literally texting all the time but if i start asking him when we are next meeting or is he excited for our next meet ...I say can't wait till we next meet
He says it's too intense and too much pressure and I need to just take it easy (whatever that means )

OP posts:
Rivkka · 05/09/2019 09:04

I would take a big step back

CloudyWithAChance2 · 05/09/2019 09:05

I’ll give you a bloke’s perspective:

These are bad signs at this stage in your relationship. His “get it watched” response means he finds you irritating at times and just wants to shut you down.

Even if he’s ‘not a texter’, at 3 months (if you’re really into someone) you would be all over it.

eenymeenyminyme · 05/09/2019 09:08

Different people have different styles of texting. My ex would be constantly texting / emailing me and would get upset if I didn't reply quickly.

My DP now won't look at his phone for hours sometimes and we only text if it's something important and don't expect a reply unless it's a question that needs answering (what time are we meeting, etc)

To start with I was worried something was wrong but now I know what to expect I don't worry if I don't hear from him for a few days. It's all about expectations.

Original poster
harrietsi · 05/09/2019 09:09

I just love having conversations with him.
If he had continued last night so would I.
Sometimes he wants too but others he doesn't.
He initiated conversation yesterday,I didn't text him till he text me.
I just feel anxious all the time.

OP posts:
Ellabella989 · 05/09/2019 09:13

Tell him he’s being a bit hot and cold and sending mixed signals. Texting lots sometimes and acting like you’re a burden other times. If he genuinely likes you then he’ll reassure you. If it’s not meant to be then he’ll let you know sooner than later and you can move on with your life

ashtrayheart · 05/09/2019 09:14

This doesn't sound like a good match and you do sound intense if I'm honest.

ashtrayheart · 05/09/2019 09:15

Sometimes I feel chatty sometimes I don't. If the person I'm chatting to doesn't get the hint at shorter responses then I might be a bit blunt too.

AmIThough · 05/09/2019 09:17

He wants things on his terms and gets irritated when things aren't on his terms.

This gives you a very good insight into what a future with him would be like.

You're not compatible, I don't think.

Original poster
harrietsi · 05/09/2019 09:21

I think I do get too full on.
Any ideas how to be less intense ?
And let him see I'm ok?

OP posts:
cees · 05/09/2019 09:22

Texting like that would drive me mad, it comes across as very clingy.

AmIThough · 05/09/2019 09:25

Have a conversation and if there's no response let it go.
Don't double text him unless you've got something worthwhile to say.
Don't ask if he's 'excited' for your next date, he's not 7.

But please, please don't lose yourself trying to become the woman he wants.
He either wants you as you are or doesn't.

Ps his 'get it watched' response was rude and unnecessary. He didn't have to respond if he didn't have anything constructive to say.

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