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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Guy won't make plans

51 replies

thespywho · 04/09/2019 20:05

I've been seeing a guy for a couple of months or so.

I like him. At first we spent a lot of time together but lately he's so reluctant to make any plans. When we do have plans, he often bails last minute or I'm left wondering if he'll turn up. We often make plans, on the day I follow up on them and then he won't reply to my message until after we're meant to meet even though he's online.

He asked if I wanted to do something this weekend so we agreed Sunday. Today I asked him what we were doing and his response was 'I'll check my diary not sure if I'm free'. After avoiding the subject for a while he finally admits he doesn't know if he wants to see me this weekend.

I've now said that I feel he is messing me around and he said he needs space. I feel like I've messed it up - have I?

OP posts:
MikeUniformMike · 04/09/2019 20:12

No, but he's not that into you. Give up and find someone else.

DPotter · 04/09/2019 20:15

No you haven't messed up - you've wised up.

Yes - he is most certainly messing you around, and if he's not sure he wants to see you this weekend - sadly you like him, much more than he likes you.
Just drop him - he won't be bothered, and neither should you be.

Onemansoapopera · 04/09/2019 23:47

You've not messed up at all,it's been two months or so and he's realised you're not the one for him and he's probably to cowardly to tell you straight and hoping you'll finish it for him, I'd oblige him to be honest. And move on.

Everafter1 · 05/09/2019 01:18

No, you've not messed up. He's being unfair.

He asked to see you & has for some reason backed off. It's nothing you've done & you might not get to the bottom of why he's backing off. I wouldn't press for an answer either.

You don't need that level of uncertainty. Leave him to it.

PuffinSock · 05/09/2019 02:22

Sorry OP sounds like hes being a coward and is avoiding having to tell you, hoping you'll just lose interest. I've dated a few guys like that. Move on. I think when someone is interested they'll make sure you have plans in the diary.

Monty27 · 05/09/2019 02:58

He makes flaky plans but if something better or he CBA he bows out
He's not that into you
Bin him off

AgentJohnson · 05/09/2019 07:24

Move on already.

LonelyEyes · 05/09/2019 07:41

You’ve not messed anything up. You’ve behaved normally and rationally. He’s probably dating multiple people, but even if he isn’t, why do you want someone who isn’t interested? You can do better than that. Don’t waste your time.

Notcoolmum · 05/09/2019 07:45

He's just not that into you. Listen to what he's telling you and delete his messages and number and let him go.

Original poster
thespywho · 05/09/2019 07:58

I feel like I've messed up by acting crazy and asking him what we are doing. But sometimes he has been ridiculous.

Eg - make plans to do activity Wednesday evening. Wednesday morning he says he might be busy now. I ask him to let me know by x time. He doesn't so I'm left in limbo until late evening.

I wouldn't have pushed it but he suggested doing something Sunday in the first place!

OP posts:
LellyMcKelly · 05/09/2019 08:04

Don’t contact him and see if he contacts you. He probably won’t.

Onemansoapopera · 05/09/2019 08:04

Delete his number seriously. He's really not arsed.

JustHereWithPopcorn · 05/09/2019 08:20

I would delete his number too. You deserve better

LonelyEyes · 05/09/2019 08:21

How have you acted crazy?

HE has been rude and inconsiderate. Not you. As shit as it feels, you need to let this one go.

Really really stop blaming yourself for behaving like a nice normal person.

Hadalifeonce · 05/09/2019 08:25

Stop contacting him. He's not that interested in you. I wouldn't even do him the courtesy of actually finishing with him. Just ignore.

ReturnofSaturn · 05/09/2019 08:27

Just leave it now! He's obviously not that into you.

Everafter1 · 05/09/2019 10:21

That's not crazy! That's a fair question when someone's asked to take you out, it's only because he's being difficult it's making you second guess your own thoughts.

It's not you, it's him! If he had responded in a decent way and discussed what you would be doing then you wouldn't be feeling this way.

He's obv not good for you. You know he's flaky which is probably why you asked him so the plan seemed more secure. Sometimes when we know people are pulling away we cling on more.

He could've had the decency to either tell you of his own accord he changed his mind or follow through with the plan he made.

Don't give him any more of your energy. If it's space he wants, give him all the space in the world.

Original poster
thespywho · 05/09/2019 10:29

Yeah maybe I asked too much. When we started dating he planned stuff all the time, in fact I thought he was too full on - full day trips out etc. Then one weekend we had plans and he just never replied to my message asking what time we were meeting.

He now says he's not sure if he's ready for a relationship. He broke up with an ex earlier this year and they still live together.

OP posts:
daisypond · 05/09/2019 10:39

You haven’t asked for too much. You haven’t done anything wrong. He’s just flakey/not in the right space/not into you enough.

Notcoolmum · 05/09/2019 10:41

Please listen to him. He's told you he's not ready for a relationship. He's not bothered about making plans with you. Or sticking to those you've made. Or even letting you down nicely.

Delete. Block. Move on.

hellsbellsmelons · 05/09/2019 10:41

He broke up with an ex earlier this year and they still live together
Hell no
Run away from this one.
He's not that into you.
He's not over his ex.
It's been 2 months.
Bin him off.
You deserve better.
Block, ignore, delete.
Job done!

Highandlow · 05/09/2019 11:27

Please end this now.

StealthNinjaMum · 05/09/2019 11:32

You can do better. Just delete him and block him.

Original poster
thespywho · 05/09/2019 11:39

The convo went like this...

Me: it's sunny on Sunday can we do something outside
Him: I think I'm free let me just shower and check my diary

Then a few hours later he still hadn't checked despite my hints and the conversation continuing so I just asked him straight why he was avoiding the question. That's when he said he wasn't sure if he wanted to see me as he has to do some jobs at home and get his car MOT (which I'm sure takes about 5 mins).

Maybe I shouldn't have asked him straight but because he's always so flaky I guess I wanted to get to the bottom of it.

OP posts:
Original poster
thespywho · 05/09/2019 11:39

Oh and this was AFTER he suggested going out for the day on Sunday!

OP posts:
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