Guy won't make plans

[thespywho]

I've been seeing a guy for a couple of months or so.

I like him. At first we spent a lot of time together but lately he's so reluctant to make any plans. When we do have plans, he often bails last minute or I'm left wondering if he'll turn up. We often make plans, on the day I follow up on them and then he won't reply to my message until after we're meant to meet even though he's online.

He asked if I wanted to do something this weekend so we agreed Sunday. Today I asked him what we were doing and his response was 'I'll check my diary not sure if I'm free'. After avoiding the subject for a while he finally admits he doesn't know if he wants to see me this weekend.

I've now said that I feel he is messing me around and he said he needs space. I feel like I've messed it up - have I?

Then a few hours later he still hadn't checked despite my hints
Stop chasing this man.
If he's interested he will come to you.
Don't suggest any days or dates to get together.
If he suggests any just tell him you aren't free that day, does have another day to suggest and if so what is the plan.
If he doesn't come up with anything then you know he's not into you - AT ALL!!!

And the MOT is on Saturday anyway. I guess if it was me I would get all my jobs done Saturday to make sure I was free. Maybe that makes me too needy.

There’s no point in dwelling on it. He just doesn’t want to see you.

If he wanted to make time in his diary to see you, he would and if he had to cancel because something came up, as happens to all of us, we cancel nicely, in time and full of apologies. You don't need to understand why he's behaving like this. He is, and you can be darned sure he wouldn't be if he was crazy about you and couldn't believe his luck. I'm not being mean, I've had it done to me too, but sometimes we just have to wise up and chalk things up to experience.

He's totally ignoring me now anyway. Clearly I'm too needy for asking. Was just sick and tired of being messed about every time.

He kept saying he was crazy about me!

The other reason I pushed it is because the last few times I have seen him he has come to my house for a few hours and we've had sex then he's gone home. He insists he doesn't just want to get laid but I said he wasn't acting like it.

The more you post, the worse he sounds. Are you sure he and the supposedly ex-girlfriend who he lives with have actually broken up?

Yes as she came out as gay (I know this is true).

It does mean I'm never invited to his, and as he has dogs, he has never stayed the night... always left me wondering why he couldn't ask his ex to walk the dog though.

Oh and we agreed we were not doing Tinder anymore but he had updated his bio in the last week which again made me annoyed when he wouldn't make plans.

Gosh maybe I'm not too needy.

Time to move on, he's not worth your time and energy. Find someone who actually wants to spend time with you.

Not necessarily too needy.
But definitely niaive and blinded by relationships.
Crickey - read your last few posts.
He does NOT want to date you.
He wants you as a booty call.
He is back on Tinder.
He has told you clear as day that he doesn't want to see you.
And still you are 'wondering' about stuff.
Stop it.
Block and move on OP.
And do some work on yourself before dating again.

If a guy don't make plans don't make him a prioroty

You've said a few times about being too needy, but think you're picking on the wrong issue there. You're not reading the situation right at all. He's not a great guy you're dating who you've managed to put off by being needy, he's being really blunt (short of actually explicitly finishing it - which he should) and you're looking for clarity. You have absolute clarity. There's zero doubt about where you stand

Read the book 'the rules '

It's basically common sense but:

'Never accept a date for Saturday after Wednesday '

And other such pearls of wisdom :)

You're not too needy.

You are however insistent on ignoring what is right in front of your face.

DEEDS not WORDS.

Learn from this one and move on.

How do you know it's true his ex has come out?

I suspect you, her being gay, them being separated and him being on tinder may come as a surprise to his partner.

Don't allow him or anyone treat you like shit. Start getting pissed off and piss him off.

You're putting the blame on yourself for no reason. When I was MUch younger I had a couple of relationships like this and I always blamed myself for being "too needy". But when I found a proper relationship it wasn't hard work or needed planning - it just happened. He planned stuff, I planned stuff, we both just clicked.
It's true that a bloke WILL MAKE EFFORT if he is into you. If he makes no effort he just isn't that into you. Watch the crappy rom com movie called "He's just not that into you", it's a bit of a crappy film but the message is loud and clear!

Oh delete him and move on, he's not interested. When someone is interested there isn't any of this messing around and wondering, plans are made and stuck to on both sides!

Next!

@thespywho

It sounds like he love bombed you at the beginning to get sex.
He's come over and have sex and leave.

He said what you wanted to hear.

Unfortunately men lie to get sex.

Actions over words and that is actions over time.

Your not needy. You are asking someone to stick to their word. They say they are goi g to meet you and they do. Not wait for something better.

That is a perfectly reasonable boundaries. Follow through on your word. That’s not needy. That is asking to be treated with respect.

He is not treating you with respect. That is very clear so you should stop bothering.

He's not bothered and the two of you aren't compatible.

Nothing catastrophic happened, you were seeing each other for a while but it didn't work out.

Don't make more of it than it is by questioning all of your actions and going over all his behaviour.

Onwards and upwards!

You aren’t too needy, he is rude!

Just think - if you asked a friend to clarify arrangements, would that friend then describe you as 'needy'?

If a friend was messing you about like this, would you not reconsider the friendship due to their flakiness?

When you were a little girl, did you dream of a boyfriend who was unreliable and couldn't be arsed?

He sounds vile and you are well-rid (assuming you have blocked him as you should).

He is doing a fine job of making you think it’s you with the problem, seriously don’t message him again and just leave it. I would say you will probably not hear from him again, he is making no effort to progress the relationship and is obviously talking to other women on Tinder.

Yes, as others have said end it now .
Read the online dating thread . It is very good for pointers .