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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Feels like life has passed me by and nothing is left

61 replies

LonelyEyes · 02/09/2019 20:32

I feel like life has passed me by. All the family, relationships, children, anniversaries, celebrations...I’ve had none of it.

These things just don’t seem to be for me, it never works out. I’m always watching celebrations for other people while on the sidelines.

How do you accept life like this? I hate it.

OP posts:

Mrsmummy90 · 02/09/2019 20:36

If you don't mind me asking, how old are you? I'm assuming still have plenty of time to meet your OH and start a family!
My Nan got remarried at 70 so it's never too late!

Original poster

LonelyEyes · 02/09/2019 20:40

I’m too old now for anniversaries and probably a family. Turn 36 next month.

I already feel I’ve missed out on the last ten years of a meaningful relationship with someone. My friends are celebrating 10 year marriages and 8 year old sons and daughter’s birthdays.

OP posts:

31133004Taff · 02/09/2019 20:43

That is tough. 💐

LittleMy20 · 02/09/2019 20:44

You’re definitely not too old to meet Simpson’s and start a family. Most people dont have millions of friends and invitations and occasions although it can feel like that. I can remember feeling the same way and although my life is far from perfect it is not so lonely now and I have my children.

LittleMy20 · 02/09/2019 20:44

Meet someone

Jesse70 · 02/09/2019 20:49

Ur not past it don't worry I'm trying for my 2nd and I'm 38.5
If u really want a kid u don't need to be in a relationship although it's nice
Also men at this age are a lot more likely to settle down and start a family I think when you are younger it's not always on the cards for people

Oysterbabe · 02/09/2019 20:51

Are you doing anything to try and change your situation? It's definitely not too late.

Atlasta · 02/09/2019 20:52

You can turn things around. Who knows what's around the corner?
Go out there and enjoy life.

Original poster

LonelyEyes · 02/09/2019 20:52

Even if I could have a family, which is not looking hopeful, I’ve still not had a long marriage. Never even bought a home with someone or shared a bank account. Celebrated only a handful of birthdays with someone in my twenties.

It’s so lonely even though my life is filled with activities and friends.

OP posts:

Sizeofalentil · 02/09/2019 20:53

Oh god, I thought you'd were going to say you were in your 70s or something!

I'm 36 and when I was on maternity leave last year, 60% of my new mum friends were older than me, and most of them didn't meet their partners until after 35.

I don't know a single woman who has reached 36, and decided that they actually really did want a family, not end up married with kids before 40.

The best advice I can give you is work on being happy with you - maybe have some talking therapy to boost your esteem and work through any issues you have, start a hobby that makes you happy, and give yourself a mini makeover if you like.

When you feel good about you then other things will start to slide into place.

Failing meeting someone- would you ever consider going it alone?

Freewanderer · 02/09/2019 20:53

I don’t see how you are too old? My sister met her now husband one month before she turned 36 and is now expecting a baby. I understand you feel like you may have missed out on things in the past but you must look to the future instead. Easier said than done sometimes I’m sure but possible if you view things in a different way. These days, it’s pretty common to get married later, if that’s what you desire. Maybe you need to meet like-minded people who are at the same stage?

Original poster

LonelyEyes · 02/09/2019 20:54

sizeof are you in London?

I’m in Birmingham and work in the city but never meet anyone at work.it seems so simple for everyone else.

OP posts:

Original poster

LonelyEyes · 02/09/2019 20:55

I know it is meant well when people say you must be happy with yourself. But I am...it’s just the being single still that I hate. I can’t change how I feel about that.

OP posts:

Shimy · 02/09/2019 20:58

36? You’re a spring chicken OP. Yes there’s a flurry of weddings or partnering up in your 20s but honestly you can still meet the partner of your dreams and have children. You’re really not as old as you’re thinking you are. My advise will be to find some new friends too, that you have more in common with. Being single with no kids can’t be fun when hanging out with couples with kids.

which1 · 02/09/2019 21:00

Ah come join me in the 36 years old and lonely club. I turned 36 over the summer.

Got dumped a few months ago by boyfriend for being 'too old'.

Feel permanently sh**.

Online dating is hideous.

fokouembiyemassj · 02/09/2019 21:49

Oh op . I can relate with the loneliness and always being the odd one out. I am the only one in my circle who is single . Even when hanging out with the kids, I never have anything to say when the talk turns to domestics and marriage life and it doesn't help that we are all from a culture where being a single mom is very looked down on and I doubt I will ever meet anyone and although I have knd of accepted it , I still feel very sad all the time. I live in a small town too .

Orangepearl · 02/09/2019 21:54

You are so young! You have loads of time just get out there in the most imaginative ways you can!

HLJM04 · 02/09/2019 21:58

Your only 36! The worlds a different place now! Most people start later in life!!!! Have faith..xxx

PennyPittstop · 02/09/2019 21:58

There are worse things than being 36 and not married or having babies. I know plenty of people who have been single parents well before 36 and because they are tied by childcare responsibilities on their own have had to put their own careers on hold for a number of years which for some is a big deal. Surely it is better to have a shorter marriage but be with the right person and be happy? Just because you are 36 doesn't mean it's too late for babies. I know plenty of ladies in their early 40's who have suddenly met someone and fallen pregnant.
Work on yourself. Be happy. When you are happy you will attract the right sort of man. Look at what you do with your free time. Are you actually going anywhere that you might meet men outside your usual group? Be proactive.

Original poster

LonelyEyes · 02/09/2019 22:01

I am happy. I’m just unhappy with being single. I don’t want to be. Not because my life isn’t fulfilling in other ways, but because I want a family above all.

OP posts:

Dragongirl10 · 02/09/2019 22:03

36???? I thought you were in your 60s or so.

I only got married a couple of years before that and managed to have 2 dc at 38 and 39.....

Live your life and try to meet as many men as you can but enjoy what you have now...if you desperately want children consider going it alone....

Bubbletrouble43 · 02/09/2019 22:05

Ok I met my dp when I was 40. We now have 2 kids. I spent practically the entirety of my 30s single. I know it's a cliche but it's true, you are young, and it's not too late.

Original poster

LonelyEyes · 02/09/2019 22:09

Bubble but I hear all the time that after 35 that’s it, it’s really hard to be pregnant, let alone at 40. Were you worried you wouldn’t get pregnant?

I’m actually in tears thinking about all this and I have such a high up job that day to day people believe I don’t care about this stuff. I’d give up my job any day for a family. It breaks my heart.

OP posts:

Daylily34 · 02/09/2019 22:11

A friend of mine met and married at 40 and had her son at 42 - don’t give up .

Ididit2019 · 02/09/2019 22:21

You have the power to change your life, you truly do. Online dating? Speed dating? Introductions by friends of potentials? Widen the opportunities as much as possible to maximise your chances but remember you can change your situation and it doesn't have to be this way.

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