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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Feels like life has passed me by and nothing is left

61 replies

LonelyEyes · 02/09/2019 20:32

I feel like life has passed me by. All the family, relationships, children, anniversaries, celebrations...I’ve had none of it.

These things just don’t seem to be for me, it never works out. I’m always watching celebrations for other people while on the sidelines.

How do you accept life like this? I hate it.

OP posts:
AMAM8916 · 03/09/2019 09:12

Why not use a sperm bank and have a baby OP? Families come in many shapes and sizes and if you want to be a mother and create a family, you can do that but just not the conventional way. You have a good job so I assume you could support a child on your own? Why wait for prince charming to come along?

memaymamo · 03/09/2019 09:42

I just think of all the years I’ve missed out onbuilding a life with someone. It’s 4am and I can’t sleep thinking about it.

There's your problem. Don't listen to anything you tell yourself at 4am. No good will come of it.

Put it away for now and distract yourself then later in the day when you're feeling more positive, make plans to take a couple of steps towards your goals. It could be signing up for 2 more dating apps/sites, it could be starting a new hobby where you could meet a fresh circle of friends.

mcmooberry · 03/09/2019 10:25

Yikes I thought you were 60! Loads of people I know, including myself, met their DHs after 36 and had kids. I do understand you feeling you would rather have met someone before now but you would feel much worse to be married to someone who wasn't right.

Ididit2019 · 04/09/2019 23:44

I get that shatners wig but what's the alternative, to feel empowered or become increasingly despondent and lethargic about it. I have completely felt like the op and have had to work hard to remind myself that what I am feeling currently does not have to be the future. So I stand by it doesn't have to be like this because I spent the best part of two years thinking my life was over and the future was bleak. Its been a journey but now I have determined it doesn't have to be like this because I'm going to focus on the areas I can to help me on the journey to where I want to be.

chockaholic72 · 05/09/2019 00:27

Don't give up, but equally, try to prepare yourself for the fact that it might not happen. There was nothing I wanted more than a partner and children, but it just didn't happen for me. I had to come to terms that my life wasn't going to pan out like I wanted it to.

And you know what? It's pretty bloody good! I am now 47, still single, no kids. I had to do some work on myself, and there were tears, but I have come out the other side. I have accepted I won't have kids, I'm still hoping that I might meet someone some day, and there are still days when I wobble, like having nobody to meet me at the station, and stuff like that. The trick is to learn how to enjoy life on your own, and embrace the things you like about it and do more of them. What I'm trying to say is, life is what you make it, and you have to concentrate on the positives, because life will be utterly miserable otherwise. Another poster got it spot on - you've had a decade of positive growth. Take it from me - there is life on the other side.

CatPunsFreakMeowt · 05/09/2019 00:33

When you say you haven’t met the right one - what do you mean? No spark or fireworks?

Try looking for someone who is kind, a family man, has good morals and see where it goes. Even without instant chemistry something lovely can develop.

Original poster
LonelyEyes · 05/09/2019 16:42

I probably wasted my time with people in the past.

I’m so sad about it. Seems really easy for others to meet someone

OP posts:
CatPunsFreakMeowt · 05/09/2019 17:18

Lonely you can’t change the past so don’t torment yourself dwelling on it. I mean that kindly. Look to the future now, there’s still time for you.

itsgoodtobehome · 05/09/2019 18:39

OP. I was totally single at 36 and felt like you. I met my DH just before I turned 38. We got married about a month before I turned 40, and we had DS (naturally) when I was nearly 42. Admittedly our attempts to have a second were not successful, but considering I thought I would never have my own family, I am eternally grateful for what I have.

You do need to make the effort though. I met DH through online dating, and I had to put a fair bit of work in before I found him. Once I did meet him though, I knew that was it. Don't shy away from OLD - you can make it fun!!

TheNameChanger1 · 05/09/2019 19:11

I can relate, OP. I’m the same age as you and I went through a very low patch about a year ago where I felt that I’d missed the boat. All of my friends are settled down and either have kids or are pregnant with their first baby.
I don’t have any useful advice really, just wanted to add my support and to say I understand how you feel Flowers

Femodene · 05/09/2019 19:14

Are you the poster who posts this thread every week? And dismisses all suggestions?

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