My nan chose to live her life alone when my grandad left her for a younger woman - what if that is me. Can a person be truly happy without (their soul mate) love?

[Leapoffaith00]

I didn't really understand as all I knew was visiting Nan and grandad separately. I never questioned why until I became an adult. She was beautiful and chose to stay alone. Not sure if she ever got over it. I never asked her but sometimes I would question if I could see sadness in her eyes or was it me that felt sadness for her, not sure.
I know love comes from family and friends also but what about that love you have with your 'soul mate'?
I have been single for a long time. I'm 42. My dc's are growing fast. I have a couple of friends I meet for coffee or lunch but very rare as everyone is always busy.
I thought I was ok alone, I guess part of me thought I would maybe meet someone.
Recently, my nan passed away and I have been thinking alot about her life. I do wonder how she felt. Is there true happiness in living alone?

I’m early 50s and happily married but I doubt I’d bother dating if anything happened to my dh , I’d fill the house with animals and buy myself a horse .

 @LoveSatsumas I lost my husband last year. No intention of meeting another one.

Talk about your own grsn like that, don't assume mine was like her.

Why get so offended over a differing opinion on the internet? People have private lives they keep to themselves often enough that their families don't know anything about. They're entitled to that. And so there are levels and aspects to some of our closest relatives we don't know about it. Some people are fine and happy without a live in or long-term romantic relationship. This is not sad, tragic or heart-breaking.

Jesus, living next door to nan, and my 2 uncles opposite, and 2 of her adult (disabled adults with mental disabilities) living with her, i think us as a family would know if she had any suitors.

Maybe, maybe not. What's it matter, it was her life to live.

I'm long term single and in pretty much the same situation as @ComtesseDeSpair. I'm happy being single and there's no way I'd want to get married or live with a man ever again.
The only downside is being (unnecessarily) pitied by coupled up friends and colleagues!

Finding a good one then discovering (once trapped with financial commitment or marriage or pregnancy) that he's actually an abusive monster, which no one would ever believe because he is so "lovely" on the street well, that will put a lot of women right off risking their financial independence and inability to get him out of her house ... ever, ever again.

I would guess older women have experienced enough and seen enough happen to the women around them that giving up on live-in relationships seems physically and financially safer and just preferable overall.

I don't know the answer but I lost my DH to cancer and can't imagine ever loving anyone else enough to have a relationship with them. DH and I were best friends as well as soulmates, I would feel as though I was pissing on his memory if I started seeing anyone else. Granted, it's different to being divorced, but the effect is still the same - living alone from a young age (I'm 40). I see my own nan who was widowed young and never so much as looked at anyone else. She always said DH reminded her of my granddad.

I think it depends on why you are alone, to a degree. My DH has cancer (in partial remission currently) so we are not expecting a long marriage/retirement. I don't think I would want another relationship ... And although sad I would be fine alone otherwise. If the positions were reversed, I think DH would probably want another LTR, as he probably needs that and wouldn't be happy alone (nor would I want him to be!)

I’ve been single for 10 years. I have no wish for someone to share my life and am perfectly happy. What one does need is friends but I can’t see myself ever looking for love again as it’s always been far more hassle than it’s worth.

DH was very definitely my soulmate. He died nearly 28 years ago, the day before my 36th birthday, when our DC were babies.
I have never remarried, and have been completely alone since the DC grew up. I look forward to being reunited with him when I die.
His granny was widowed from her soulmate for over 50 years, and said that she must be a poor Christian as she didn’t “much care about meeting God - but I do so want to see my husband again!”
I understand her feelings completely.

Been alone for 6 years cheated on after 20 years together for younger women lost my faith in men

lovebeingmum9 thankyou for your words

Sorry to read about your loss, to those that have

I thought I was ok. Single 9 years. I have built up a career, went back to school to do a degree, made friendships (not many but I have a couple of friends), built my self esteem, learnt how to enjoy my own company. I have moments of feeling lonely, but I think alot of people do.
It's end of life - it makes you look upon life differently. My dc's are still home. I wonder how I will feel when they leave home.
I'm not sure I have built a 'holistic' happy life. I know nobody will 'complete' me. I haven't really learnt how to be alone to feel complete in myself. Do things alone.
Does anyone not miss a cuddle? Sex? That feeling of intimacy?
Oh, I don't know - someone making you a cup of tea

Nah, I'm good. 1st DH passed away. 2nd exH cheated and betrayed me.

I can't really think of anything another man could offer me.

Not interested in cleaning up after someone else, dealing with moods, weird habits. A hug and a shag and a cup of tea? I could get that from a FWB.

I do feel it is a bit patronising when others attempt to pity me for being single. My life is peaceful and content.

Everyone's different. I'm very happy being a single parent. Romantic relationships are undoubtedly a lot of work for an end goal that doesn't really mean anything to me. I understand that romantic/ sexual partnership is important to some people and I respect that, but my own gut says "what the hell would I want with all that?"

For what it's worth, my late grandmother was only ever involved with two men: her husband (who died relatively young) and a much older man who died before they could be married. She seemed to mind being a widow in the sense that she worried what people thought of her (incredibly, she worried that other women of her generation would judge her for not being able to keep her man). But I always got the impression that she liked her own company and wouldn't have wanted the bother of another relationship.

My mother, on the other hand, is a bit of a disaster area. She feels incomplete without a man, always picks complete arseholes and they're always her great love and soulmate until it falls apart and the next one comes along.

My gran was single for the rest of her life after my grandad died in his late 40’s.
My mum was single for the rest of her life after my dad left her shortly before their 25th anniversary.
My sister is alone after two failed marriages.
I left my husband of 38 years 18 months ago and while I’m happily single at the moment I hope it doesn’t mean I’ll never meet another partner.
Although it looks like the odds aren’t great!

My exH and I, we agreed, completed each other. I trusted him absolutely and he betrayed that trust. After that I took a few years to get my head sorted, as I had a little girl and couldn't take the risk that the next bastard I fancied would hurt her. Well, the few years stretched out and became 25. The longer I'm alone, the less I want another man in my life. I don't have to share the wardrobe, the bathroom or the remote control, pick up after anyone except the dog or take anyone else's tastes into account when buying food or household items. I have all the contact with friends that I want and then I go home and close my own front door and know no-one has the right to walk through it. Just occasionally, maybe once in a couple of years, something happens and I wish I had someone to share the burden with but mostly I live a happy and stable life.

I am alone (although soon to have a baby) and I love it. I don't feel alone, that's the wrong word even. I feel free, and happy.

I was briefly married and just don't think it is for me (he was abusive, but that's not the only reason, I just don't think I want to be a "wife", which does still seem to carry so many expectations with it.)

After that and then another short and disastrous relationship I had the epiphany that I had never been happier in a relationship than I was on my own. And my whole outlook changed.

I think society tells us we need to be with someone, particularly women in fact. So often I hear people say things about single women like "it's so odd she isn't with anyone, she's beautiful/lovely etc", without even considering it might be her choice.

This idea of the other half, that we are not complete, is very pervasive and destructive. I recently heard someone say "I don't have another half, I am a complete whole", and I loved that actually.

I'm not totally closed to being with someone in the future if they were absolutely wonderful and it was the type of relationship that worked for me. But I certainly am not looking at all, and it would take a very very special person to convince me to give up singledom!

I’m a single mum and I honestly can’t imagine ever being with anyone again. It’d be way too much hastle

I would be very happy being single, I love my own company. Men can be quite needy.

*hassle

I’ll never have a relationship again, I simply cannot think of one positive.

This didn’t come out of an abusive marriage or bad relationship, simply a realisation that I don’t want/need a relationship.

I have a FWB to cover the physical aspect.

Nice to read your stories. It's my pet hate when people look at me strangely when I tell them how long I have been single and some even comment, why?!
If I was more confident with my body insecurities, I would probably settle for a casual relationship (FWB), however I wonder how that would make me feel, having no connection other than sexually. Not that I even know how. Do you put out an add? Haha!
I think, I'm just feeling vulnerable with the loss of my nan. Hoping she was truly happy living without the love of a man. I know she had lots of love around her though.

I'm a single mum, I have been happily single for over 5 years.

Honestly I can't see myself in a relationship ever again. I certainly won't ever have one while DS is still living at home, stepfamily situations are more work than they are worth.

I have such a busy life, being a mum, working, volunteering, seeing my family and friends, travelling. I don't feel that a relationship would add anything to my life.

I don't miss intimacy or sex but to be honest I'm not a very affectionate person in general, I don't even like being hugged unless it's DS. I'm an only child and now a single mum so I've always been alone in that sense and I'm very independent.

I know you can never say never. I might meet "the one" someday. But I've got no desire to go actively looking for him.